Y’all, things have been so wrong for so long. Relationships are jeezy when things are easy but bloody tough when life itself gets hard. So many times I’ve wondered if it was worth it – feeling shortchanged, struggling with who’s in the wrong, trying to apply rationality to a relationship and coming up with no definitive answers. We’re told that good things are worth fighting for, but the right things should come easily/naturally. Where is the line between clinging to the Titanic, and being a fairweather partner unwilling to stick it out through the bad?
(I wish life came with a rulebook. I’ve come to realise this is one of those decisions you have to make for yourself on an individual basis.)
As you read this, we should be up north for a wedding and spending the weekend away from home. I wasn’t sure we’d make it to this day, but we have. What doesn’t break you makes you stronger.
On that note, I want to share a couple of posts on brutal honesty:
It’s easier to hide behind a good story. It’s easier to crop things and filter things and pretend you are holding the world together all on your own. It’s easier to get validation from “likes” instead of hard conversations. We live in a world where slipping out the back door, quietly and unnoticeably, is easier than it used to be. We have more stuff to hide behind than ever before. More password-protected caves to store our identities inside of.
It all boils down to love and honesty and humility. It doesn’t always have to come in that order. Love to fill in the spaces. Honesty to sew up the gaps. Humility to keep us coming back to one another, more human than yesterday and more flawed than tomorrow will allow.
There’s something really lovely about finally being flawed, and seen, and hopeful.
And a reminder that no couple is perfect
When we start to look up to people, we don’t do it because we think they’re perfect. We do it because we like them, and we admire them. But then we get lost, and we end up comparing ourselves, and finding ourselves wanting—completely without evidence.
The rest of this week’s links
Danielle and I are in totally the same boat on this – we even work in the same field – just swap Toronto for Auckland. Will we ever own a home?!
Work-from-home days are a lot cheaper for me now that unlimited broadband packages finally hit the market. But still as Abby points out, there are a few other sneaky costs to consider…
Change is hard. Sometimes shit just happens. Tonya wrote a great post on getting through these growing pains
Does ‘fake it till you make it’ really work as a career strategy? Sam argues that it doesn’t
And I think we could all use a reminder from time to time that you’re not doing life wrong. Really.
Thanks for the mention!
You aren’t the only one having relationship issues. Aside from the Only Bun debate I am having, we’ve not been perfect lately either, ever since Baby Bun came along.
We’re working towards a new relationship/compromise, but it’s just so exhausting.
So.. word to the wise, if the relationship is hard without a child, seriously re-consider having one, because a baby blows it totally out of the water.
I’m sorry things have been so rough between you and T. 🙁 I think the answer of whether to stick it out or move on is probably one of the hardest questions you’ll have to answer. I hope you get some clarity at some point. Thank you so much for the link love! Big hugs!
Nothing much to add except that relationships are hard. Even the best ones are. I grappled with a lot of the stuff it sounds like you are in the final days of my last one, and while I’m not for a second implying that what happened to me will happen to you (oh God, no) but just that I’m here for you for support if you ever need a shoulder <3
Girl, you are not alone! We have been struggling in life and love and it is TOUGH. The thing is we LOVE each other. But LIFE, JOBS, MONEY…it’s so freaking stressful. We’ve also been together for 7 years and I’ve done some research…. apparently the 7 year itch is real. We are doing a bit better now, but things have tough. I wish the Beatles were right and the love is all you need, but it’s not. If you want to chat, please email me.
I agree that no couple is perfect. But, seeing your partner as something that makes you complete and satisfied is the technique I use, making our relationship “always” perfect.
We went through so many difficulties and hard times in the last 10 years, I honestly believe we hit rock bottom a couple of times. The first year after marriage was the hardest by far. Now that we’re out of rock bottom, and in my opinion happier than we’ve ever been, it’s easy to look back and think/say ‘you have to put in the work to reap the rewards’ and all that. But I know that when you’re at rock bottom, those kinds of things don’t help and it can be really hard to see the light. I used to go to sleep some nights thinking I was going to wake up the next morning, pack a suitcase and head to my mom’s and start the separation process. I always woke up feeling better than when I went to sleep though. I also would give myself ultimatums like ‘if it’s not better by this date I’m leaving’. Obviously neither of those things ever happened and I’m not quite sure why — probably because I usually thought those thoughts in the heat of an argument and logically planning out what I would do made me feel better when I was super mad/upset. That’s what my therapist told me anyways. A couple of books that I read that really helped were ‘Project happily ever after’ and ‘how to improve your marriage without talking about it’.
I’m here if you ever need to talk through things or vent. Sending hugs.
So many good links!! Awesome that you guys made it. I’m hoping it gets easier after your survive a storm, generally that’s how it goes, right?? I like Amber’s comment, and totally agree about how one knows that one should put in the hard work, but sometimes you really don’t want to. I’m just glad to be a part of the blogging support team 🙂
Relationships are certainly complex. With time I have come to the conclusion that a relationship that causes more grief than happiness is not meant to be. Of course some relationships are worth a little bit of work, effort, compromise. But if something feels wrong, you need not stay. Easier said than done, of course.