What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
I’ve come to accept a few things. That I am a control freak. That sometimes I overthink things too much. That I really do have a terrible memory, for faces, for movies, for dates. That I am an introvert to the core, and that I’ve almost totally forgotten how to act at social gatherings, aside from the company of a select few friends.
But mostly, that I’m awkward. In almost every sense of the word. I’m awkward physically, I bump into things, I trip over things and if you’re walking next to me on the footpath, don’t be surprised if I push you practically onto the road. Walking in a straight line is apparently just one of those things that eludes me.
And of course I’m awkward socially. I know I’m not alone in saying that, especially in the blog world. I know, theoretically that while I’m shifting from foot to foot, nodding, and trying to maintain solid eye contact, that sometimes the other person is feeling equally as uncomfortable (although they’re usually better at hiding it.)
But by now, it’s pretty obvious that this is not just a phase. I’m not going to grow out of it. Sometimes I can fake it. But I’m going to have to live with it and learn to deal with it. I’m going to accept social invitations, even when I’m 99% positive it’s not going to be a pleasant experience and I won’t know many people there. I’ll make better watercooler talk with people in my department, even if I can’t quite manage it with those from other teams. Staying in with a movie or book may be the more appealing option most of the time, but often it’s also the cowardly one.