Totally random thoughts on weddings

I can honestly say that I have never given any thought to a “dream wedding”. To be honest, I don’t really understand what it is that apparently drives little girls to do so; I must have missed out on whatever gene it is, or whatever outside influences (advertising?) that encourages us to plan “our big day”. Or maybe it’s because I hate being the centre of attention. Maybe that’s it.

Despite that, I’ve always planned to get married. Even though I could never imagine kissing somebody in front of my parents (and it’s still hard to fathom.) I’d consider myself pretty liberal, but marriage is something that’s important to me, and there is a certain order to three big milestones in my mind: 1. Marriage. 2. House buying. 3. Kids. This is just a personal thing, mind you – I have zero problems with others doing it differently.

Until lately. I started questioning the whole thing. Do I want to spend thousands on one day? (You know me; I’d want to spend something like $5k max, but that’s still a chunk of change). If I’m gonna get married, I’m gonna make an effort for it, not just go to the courthouse. And while I only care about three things: having decent photos, a pretty (but frugal) dress and tasty food, they are going to cost something. The good thing about never having been to a wedding is I have no preconceptions and know nothing of what is “expected”.

Do I really have a problem with having kids outside of marriage? No. Do I want to deal with the meeting and mingling of our vastly different families (they are as far apart as you could imagine)? NO. Am I going to change my mind on changing my name? No, so that’s an issue we’d have to spend some time bashing out.

But there is the legal stuff to consider, and it would be nice to have our friends together, to have photos to look back at, to dance and be merry (compiling a playlist is probably what would excite me most).

I don’t really have close girlfriends to help me plan (and trust me, planning and organising events is right up there with public speaking for me. HATE IT.)

I am seriously tempted to elope.

Whatever, either way, a wedding is still a couple of years away. I have at least one big trip to plan and pay for first. (Backpacking across Europe/driving across America are not appropriate honeymoon plans in my view.) I’m still way too young to even consider calling myself a married woman (if things go as planned, I’ll be at least 25. Assuming we set a date in, say, a year at earliest and planning takes at least another year). And this way we have a couple of years to stumble across an amazing venue that won’t cost the earth (you hear me, universe?) I’m not down with the backyard BBQ, but neither am I keen for a super formal sitdown thing. Financials aside, I’m just not ready to dive into all the stress and drama of wedding planning anytime this year. Hopefully people can respect that.

Also, there are already texts from extended family wanting to know “when the pissup is”. YeahExactly. I’m going to have them probably poking fun at my uptight Asian parents and they’ll be horrified at the uncouth bogans and it will NOT be like My Big Fat Greek Wedding where everyone downs shots and gets merry together because mine don’t drink at all, ever.

It’s a shame, because so many of you just got hitched, or are about to, so now really would be ideal for starting to plan. Never mind, I’ll soak it up as I go and store it for later. Revanche, we can still totally talk hypothetical budgets (!!)

(Also, what on earth do we do about engagement photos? Do we do them at all? We’re two of the most camera-shy, least photogenic people ever. I love the idea of a beautiful shoot, but the odds of it going well are very low, and our friend with the most photography chops recently relocated to western Australia. Asshat.)

Yes, a few years will be good.

10 thoughts on “Totally random thoughts on weddings

  • Reply First Gen American March 10, 2011 at 13:25

    Engagement photo? Yeah, I never did them or put an ad in the paper announcing it. I don’t know, that just always seemed weird to me.

    I think you should have some sort of cool thing to commemorate the event. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should at least be memorable. Good luck…you’ve got a lot to think about but plenty of time to do it.

  • Reply Kara March 10, 2011 at 13:26

    Engagement photos are overrated, IMO. We just found a photo of us that we both liked, was current, and went with it. Engagement sessions can cost almost as much as the stinkin’ wedding photography! Just set your point & shoot on timer mode and go ’til you get something 🙂

  • Reply Alotta Lettuce March 10, 2011 at 16:00

    We didn’t do engagement photos (or several other things typically associated with weddings), but I actually think it might be a good idea for you and your guy to have some done. If having good photos from the wedding is important to you, it might really help to have a sort of ‘dry-run’ via engagement photos, so you can get to know the photographer (and vice-versa) and get accustomed to being photographed in such a staged fashion.

  • Reply Well Heeled Blog March 10, 2011 at 16:14

    Congratulations on your engagement! I am so glad for you. I love wedding budget posts. Just a thought if you want blogging inspiration. 😉

  • Reply Financial Samurai March 10, 2011 at 19:48

    Yes, congrats indeed!

    Hoe come guys never have thoughts of “dream weddings”? hmmm

  • Reply Maggie March 10, 2011 at 23:48

    I’ve never really had any thoughts on my “dream” wedding either…. might be something to do with being asian?

  • Reply Rochelle March 11, 2011 at 09:29

    I did not possess the wedding gene either. In fact, it was my husband who insisted that we have a big wedding as he was afraid I would regret it later in life. Heck, I didn’t even want an engagement ring, just put a gold band on my finger and call it a day. I did not have an engagement announcement nor a wedding announcement- mostly because of my family situation as my mom was married 3x’s. My husband did almost all of our wedding planning as I could have cared less. I know weird huh? Now that we look back, he is glad we had a wedding, but realizes that it’s not really all that important. We did not spend a lot of money compared to his sister and brother who happened to get married the same year as us!! We do have beautiful photos and memories, but honestly I don’t think I would have missed it at all!!

  • Reply Emily Jane March 12, 2011 at 03:38

    I’ll totally help you plan the wedding if you like! We had a low-budget one and eBay will be your best friend. I can help with invites and programs and stuff too if you need someone, I love helping plan & design stuff for weddings 🙂

    Have you checked out OnceWed.com? They have dresses that are in perfect condition but only used once, and for way cheaper than you’d buy in a store. For engagement pics we actually just had a friend (KylaRoma.com) come out with us and a bouquet of red balloons and take pictures in a park – way cheaper than paying a photographer, and way more fun!

  • Reply Kim March 12, 2011 at 11:29

    I once heard, when some other women were discussing engagement ring preference,s the saying that “you may have your preferences or your dream ring, but if you love the man, you’ll marry him for a twisttie (as the engagement ring)”. I think it’s very true – for both the ring and the wedding. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of love, commitment, and the beginnig of a new journey together. It is not a women’s 10 minutes in the spotlight, the once-in-her-life opportunity to be treated like a spoiled princess.

    I think your attitude towards weddings are like mine. But who knows, maybe once you start planning you’ll get into the spirit of it all and become bridzilla! (lol, jk). I dont’ think there’s a right way or the wrong way. If you love the guy, whatever wedding you two have will be memorable – crazy, rambunctious relatives notwithstanding.

  • Reply Insomniac Lab Rat March 12, 2011 at 18:36

    Just another anecdote about engagement photos- it was a BIG DEAL to my mom that we have the announcement in the paper (I made her submit it, because I didn’t care), and have a photo attached. We just had a friend with a decent camera take a nice picture of us, it took us about half an hour to get the lighting and everything right, but it was free! And then we had a nice current picture of the two of us (hubby hates taking photos, so we didn’t have many) for the paper and whatever else.

    I do have friends that really enjoyed having engagement photo sessions with their wedding photographer. They were generally the “dream wedding” type though, and I also never gave it any thought. I didn’t want to spend the money on a separate session, and like I said, hubby hates having his picture taken…so it wouldn’t have been fun for him/us.

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