I’m not a fan of absolute statements.
So when I read “it is way harder to live without someone, than to live with them“, that got my back up.
When you don’t see someone day in and day out, when you don’t live together (and that generally corresponds, though not always, with the earlier stages of a relationship) it’s a hell of a lot easier to romanticise them.
The saying goes that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it’s a classic for a reason. Being away from someone tends to make you miss them (the principle of scarcity, after all, is that you want what you can’t have) as you focus on their good points (similar to why we tend to sugarcoat the past – my high school memories are pretty rose-tinted, although I had a heck of a teenagehood toward the end of it).
And yes, I know what I’m talking about – T and I did the long distance thing for six months when he had no access to a cell phone or internet, so we communicated via letters and a couple of in person visits. It was lonely sometimes, but on the other hand, we never had any disagreements or in fact any issues, really. However. I can tell you that if we had spent those six months in the same city, there would have been fights, and there would have been ups and downs.
We all have faults. Annoying or downright gross habits. T doesn’t rinse the basin properly after he shaves. I moult hair everywhere and am slack about picking it up. Sharing your home with another human being that you’re not used to sharing with can be tough. How they like to clean, socialise, eat or sleep may not mesh with how you do things. And we’re adults. Most of our routine habits are pretty well ingrained. Not saying these are dealbreakers – far from it – and some people may slot perfectly into each other’s lives! But the adjustment period can also be rough.