By: kokorowashinjin
Time for a few confessions.
- I can’t stop comparing myself to others. I have blogged about this before, yet I cannot break the habit. It’s an addiction.
- I fear I’ll never be good enough at anything professionally. I often feel like a fraud. I fear that I will never figure it out.
- This isn’t a big fear, but a small niggly part of me is afraid marriage won’t last.
- I fear we will run out of money on our trip and that we will be homeless, jobless, and any other -less you can think of upon our return (even though I know we have family and friends who would take us in and my emergency fund, and at a pinch, credit cards – and I have a job to come back to). I’m equal parts exhilarated and terrified about embracing the great unknown, though the anxiety is rearing its head more often as the day approaches.
Ugh, I can relate unfortunately. I have a completely irrational fear of getting fired from my job. They tell me I do a great job all the time and I have been consistently rewarded for good work….yet I still feel like I could get fired at any moment =/
Oh, honey, how I relate. With my friends getting married, getting settled into their careers, and getting started on their families while I’m still renting a condo with my boyfriend, it’s hard not to feel like I’m light-years behind everyone. But I have to also remind myself that I love a lot of things about my life and would not like to be a stay-at-home mom any time soon, so that’s a huge plus for me.
Marriage is hard. That’s why I’m still procrastinating even talking to BF about it at all. There’s a lot of divorces out there in this world, and a lot of marriages that probably shouldn’t have happened, but I tell myself: heck, my parents made it. Anyone can.
Oh, and remind me sometime to give you the emails of a few people I know in Chicago, in case your travels take you there!
Aw thanks! I don’t think we will have time for Chicago but Linda (A Windy City Gal) has already kindly offered us a place if we do!
Oops, I just posted this comment on your January 2012 post (the one you linked to above) by mistake. But, it applies equally here, so:
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You just brought on a major flashback for me. It was 1984. I had just turned 30 and I had a 3 month old baby who was completely day-night reversed. I was a licensed attorney, but it was all I could do to have washed the breakfast dishes by the time my husband got home from work. I remember wailing on the phone to my mother, “What is going to become of me?” Her response which I utterly didn’t appreciate at the time was, “It will all work out.” Damned if she wasn’t right. It hasn’t been a straight trajectory, but I managed to start my own law firm, we bought and sold two houses, we raised two sons and got them through university and launched them out into the world and now I’m a semi-retired lawyer/travel blogger/trailing spouse. I love my husband more than when I married him. I have gray hairs and some aching joints, but I actually feel like I acquired some wisdom along the way. So, now I’m going to say something you will totally not appreciate, “It will all work out.” From what I can tell, you’re basically a very solid person. If everything and everybody else disappeared, you would still have yourself and the world would keep spinning on its axis. (I’m still an anxious insomniacal maniac sometimes, but I’ve learned to cut myself some slack). Peace. Out.
Lets see.. I’m afraid of not achieving what I know I could be capable of. I’m afraid of doing a mediocre job. I’m afraid I’ll never meet my soul-mate. I’m scared I might already met him and lost him. I’m scared that maybe I don’t have a soul mate. I’m scared of getting sick, really sick. I’m scared I won’t have enough money saved for retirement. I’m scared I’ll never have an amazing adventure overseas again. I’m scared I’ll never be fluent in Spanish and I’m scared I’m wasting my life on You Tube and Facebook.
This is a theme in my life lately…fearing the unknown. I just had a 4 hour conversation with my friend on Skype about this. So many of us are going through this at 35, this huge change to something new and scary. No, that feeling will NEVER go away, but you know what? It does get easier to deal with the fear. That advice above, ‘things will work out’, is true. It has to. Right now you haven’t been tested enough to know that you have it in you to work it out, but yeah. Trust yourself. You’ll get it done and things will work out. Because you have to. (And because you are awesome and a total rockstar!) I know myself well enough to know that no matter what, I’ll make things happen for myself. It’s awesome to have that realistic optimism, finally. Age isn’t all bad!
That said, I’m afraid all these awesome opportunities at work will just give me a platform to make a huge fool out of myself. Basically, I’m afraid of failing big. And of my own potential.
The comparing yourself thing will also go away with time. Everyone is on a different path. You might not have everything you want now at 25, but you’ll have it at 50. Fear not. Go have fun and enjoy it so that IF things go to crap when you get back, you have awesome memories, not ones of you freaking out about your future back home. You’ve done everything you can to ensure your success upon returning. That’s all you can do!
I think your fears are normal and I suffer from comparing myself to others too much, as well. My fears are that I will never find a better paying job again, that I will be in debt forever and that I am truly stuck. I don’t think that is true, but those are my fears.
If you have a job to come back to, and have an EF, I think you will be fine.
I think the biggest thing about marriage is knowing that there’s not magic pixie dust that gets sprinkled on you after you say, “I do.” The relationship is the same except you have a piece of paper saying you’ve promised to be with each other for all of mortality. From what I’ve read you and the bf are awesome together, but if you have any problems now they won’t go away with matrimony. You’re smart. You know all that. I think most people have that fear; completely natural. 🙂
I can totally relate to those fears, they tend to creep up on you when you`re least expecting it.. I have a real fear that nothing of my academic education will be enough to get a job I like..
I sometimes worry about he things I cannot control. I work on this problem all the time, but it nags at me anyway. All of your fears are things you can control.
I’ve got a ton of fears lately! Though some I can’t divulge quite yet, but similar to yours on the being penniless front and marriage is scary too!
I still suffer from the comparison game. I hope someday I can truly overcome that fear! I fear sickness. Like a chronic or terminal disease. Basically I’m a hypochondriac. I worry about that ALL the time.
Oooohhh I can relate to your post. I sometimes worry about keeping my marriage safe and strong even though I have an amazing spouse and we are invested in our relationship. I find a way to freak out about money and my career pretty often as if I am not good enough even though I am highly valued by my employer(s) and I have a decent E-fund to weather unemployment. I am also extremely scared and paranoid about bugs, roaches, spiders you name it! Fears are normal. Just don’t let them dictate how you want to live your life.
Thank you for sharing. Comparing ourselves can be formative but also destructive. Good luck finding that balance!
I have a ton of fears, worries, insecurities. I’m not sure where they come from, but as others have said they do seem to “sneak up” on me. Life is hard sometimes, and not comparing myself to others is even harder. Being a child of divorced parents, marriage is pretty scary to me. I want to be married, but I don’t want to repeat their mistakes. I guess that’s why I’ve put it off for so long. No advice here, just can relate to a lot of what you’re feeling.
I literally spent a good half of my evening thinking the same thing about myself as your second point here. I always wonder when people will figure out that I feel like a fraud. Hmm.
I share your first two fears – the professional fraud one especially. I also have a deep seeded fear that because I’m not following a traditional path (married, kids, that sort of thing) that I’m disappointing my parents and that they’re being judged for it. It’s totally unfounded and bizarre, but I just can’t help worry about it.