There I was, chilling out in the garden, making the most of the sun and watching T’s nieces frolic on the trampoline.
Then M looked my way and asked: “Why did you say you would break up with him if he didn’t find work?”
I can tell you that of all the things I might have expected to hear out of that child’s mouth, this was right up there with “Why are you voting for Colin Craig?” or “Why are you moving to Madagascar?” (Neither of which I have plans to do, by the by.) – The little ones, having a ball on the toddler trampoline, they will sleep well tonight!
I am pretty sure I’ve never actually said that out loud. To anyone. Yes, I’ve voiced sentiments along the lines of “something needs to change by the end of the year” and “lordy, please figure out what you want to do with life, or at least the next few years; heck, the next 12 months, even”. In person, and on the blog.
I’ve never blurted out: “Get a job, or it’s over.” And if I have, it’s most certainly been in the heat of the moment, and somebody should give me a hiding, because kicking someone when they’re down like that is – or should be – below even my pettiness.
Anyone who’s experienced unemployment knows what I mean. It’s not easy for either party.
What if we’d reached December 31 and nothing had changed? Yes, something would have had to change. Probably in the sense that we might have started to live apart. Not the end of the relationship, just a different living situation. Cold? Selfish? Perhaps. But at some point, I’d have to say enough, I need to put myself first financially.
I’m just very glad I didn’t have to make that decision. (Of course, it’s only October, and things could easily take a 180 by year-end. Touch wood.)
I think he might have heard someone say: I think she’ll break up with him if he doesn’t get a job
It’s not that you said it, it’s that someone else mentioned it, or the kid felt it.
Or maybe T said it.
At any rate, it isn’t an easy decision. I support what you’re saying — sometimes you have to throw in the towel.
Wow..pretty deep for a child. Especially since they probably don’t see the connection between working and being happier.
This is a very sad post… made me think. I really really hope you will not have to face this desicion. My friend is in the similar situation that she refuses to face. So, sometimes it is better to know that a day will come when you will have to decide something. I just hope it won’t come!
I tried to read back several posts to see if I could get the full story, but I didn’t come across it. Anyway–I’ve been the bigger breadwinner in our relationship and I will continue to be the bigger breadwinner until my husband gets his firefighter career going. (another 2 years, at least). I will get laid off by December and even on unemployment, I’ll still be making more. To say I don’t get resentful would be a complete lie. He’s my husband, I expect him to make more than me and even help ME out. Most times I try to let it go, knowing that this is an investment for our future. But it’s hard some days…so I completely understand how you feel. I hope you’re able to figure it out sooner rather than later.
They say money isn’t everything…but it sure does help.