Bullshit free bride: Something had to go wrong eventually…

bullshit free bride nzmuse

It was inevitable, really.

I was initially wary about the whole bridal party schtick. I was thinking about roping in the people I consider my closest friends, all of whom are guys. Much as I love my girlfriends, we don’t really see each other all that often, and I know that I’m not a huge priority for them, as they all have much larger social circles than I do (they tend to be flakey, and I’ve been disappointed by them many times). One in particular got booted from bridesmaid privileges in another wedding previously, though in her defence, she was preoccupied with law school at the time.

But for various reasons, finally I decided I would ask two of the girls to be my bridesmaids, my two oldest friends of the lot. All went well. They were super excited, and insisted there had to be a hen’s night (bachelorette party). That was maybe 3 weeks ago?

This weekend one of them told me that she’d been accepted for a year-long paid internship overseas – an AMAZING opportunity for her, especially as she hasn’t been able to find work in her field since graduating. She leaves next month. And she is most likely not going to be at the wedding. (I told her we’d stream her in through Skype or FaceTime or something on the day, if she wants. We also have two other friends getting married within the year, which she may miss as well, given that it’s both expensive and inconvenient to come back. I totally get it. I wouldn’t, either. But if she ends up coming back for any of the others, let’s be honest: I’ll be pissed.)

Disappointment ensues. I haven’t yet talked to the other (and I’m hoping she isn’t going to bail on me – I can’t help but worry something is going to happen, even though she assures me her hospital has her rostered off for that day).  This leaves me with a couple of options: incorporate T’s nieces into my bridal party (which is cool, as I wanted them to play some kind of role) or recruit my dude friends. Probably not both, as that would make for too many people. Either way, given it’s a small event (<50 people) we’ll have photos taken with all our friends anyway.

12 thoughts on “Bullshit free bride: Something had to go wrong eventually…

  • Reply Pam February 5, 2013 at 10:24

    There are a couple of things you can do for this. Personally I’d go with your gut on it.

    I’ve been to quite a few weddings in the last little while – 21 and counting so far – so there have been some fantastic ideas. First – a Man of Honour on the Brides side. Her best friend in the whole world was male (not gay!), and thus it was her sister, a close female friend and the gentleman standing up for her. I’ve been to a wedding with a Best Maid – grooms best friend in the whole world was female and voila! Makes the pictures neat too!

    I’ve been to weddings where there wasn’t anyone in the wedding party, others where half the wedding was wedding party, and all combinations there of.

    I say choose someone that can help you with the details leading up to and on the day of. Perhaps the nieces could sprinkle flowers on the aisle for you, however depending on age, they won’t be able to provide the support both physical and emotional, you’ll need on that day. Your male friends I’m sure have been there through thick and thin, so why not name one your bride’s squire, page or man (think of a clever name!) and dress him up. He’ll be attending anyways.

    Who says it has to be the picture of tradition?! It’s YOUR day, and the day of the person you are marrying. If you have lots of guys friends and spend the time with them, then appoint one to do the support portion of your wedding for you. You’ll be happier to have the guy friend, then the nieces in the end – I think.

  • Reply Pauline February 5, 2013 at 12:29

    I would take the nieces and don’t sweat it too much. I have gone back to Europe for my sister and my cousins weddings. Safe for a cousin who announced with too short notice. Your friend may come back once a year, which will be for a few weeks and will choose whichever date allows her to do more stuff. Coming back just for your wedding if she can come back a month later and attend three equally important events is hard to do.

    • Reply eemusings February 5, 2013 at 13:31

      All three weddings are spaced out, unfortunately for her 😛

  • Reply femmefrugality February 5, 2013 at 13:41

    Boo on flakey bridesmaids! I’ve been noticing guys in the bridal party as a growing trend recently, but most of the ones I’ve seen that have been on the bride’s side have been gay. That’ doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, though; you should have the people there that love you and are willing/able to support you most. I also LOVE the niece idea! I bet they’d love it.

  • Reply Revanche February 5, 2013 at 14:00

    Oh that’s disappointing. I would vote for recruiting your dude friends – I sure would pick one of my best dude friends to stand up on my side of the party if we had one.
    As it was, for moral support, the friend I asked to be my matron of honor ended up pregnant and due two months before we eloped. She ended up not being able to travel to be there with us. Oops. Things to fix when/if we get our crap together and do a thing.

  • Reply Michelle February 5, 2013 at 16:05

    Heavy sigh. I would recruit the dudes. They seem to be your true friends and isn’t that honor for your true friends? Who cares if it isn’t traditional? They won’t flake on you. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

  • Reply Budget & the Beach February 5, 2013 at 16:58

    I’d recruit the dudes too! I think that would be fun and if they really are your best mates…!

  • Reply Untemplater February 5, 2013 at 19:58

    What a bummer one of your friends can’t make it. Maybe pick one person to take her place to stick with 2 people, even if it is a guy that’s cool. I never understood why some people willingly have giant bridal parties. Some of my friend’s friends had 8-10 BMs. Now that’s drama.

  • Reply G February 5, 2013 at 21:26

    Why have a bridal party at all? I had no attendants – my parents and nephew walked in with me, and my best friend did the reading. Another friend sang while we signed the certificate. My husband’s 3 best mates were his grooms men. I don’t think anyone really cared or noticed my lack of bridesmaids! It’s just not a tradition that meant anything to me. Don’t do anything out of obligation.

  • Reply Amanda February 6, 2013 at 11:07

    Choose a male friend! Do it your own way, and bugger tradition.

  • Reply Mo' Money Mo' Houses February 6, 2013 at 14:17

    Girl, I know all too well what you mean. As my wedding gets closer and closer, I’ll tell you now how so many times I’ve been like “Why are we doing a big wedding?”. I mean it’s not even that big, about 90 people, but still, so much stress! I also had a bridesmaid bail situation. She accepted to be my bridesmaid, but then decided to move overseas, but never actually quit being a bridesmaid. I wanted to get all of her bridesmaid stuff done before she left but we could never find a date that worked and eventually I had to basically give her an out to quit being a bridesmaid if she wanted, and as it turns out that’s exactly what she was waiting for because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Weddings are not so simple. I’d say the nieces being in your wedding party sounds like a nice idea though.

  • Reply Emily @ evolvingPF February 10, 2013 at 06:49

    Something similar happened to us – a groomsman had a falling out with the best man and spontaneously moved to Taiwan. Until about 3 weeks before the wedding he kept assuring us that he would fly back for the event, but in the end he couldn’t be at our wedding and do what he wanted to do over there. We just proceeded without him, no substitutions. Any path you take going forward will be fine – either to leave it at one bridesmaid, pull in a sub, or ask a man. It’s small potatoes in comparison with getting married so don’t sweat it!

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