We’ve been lucky to spend more of the pandemic living relatively normal lives than not.
I’ve never been so glad to live in little old NZ than I have been the past 18 months.
Complaining about being in lockdown right now feels indulgent, so I’ll try to keep the whinging to a minimum.
As a working parent of a high maintenance toddler, this is the hardest thing I’ve been through yet. The slog gets harder every day.
Spud’s birthday earlier this month was a bright spot, but obviously any Covid birthday is somewhat bittersweet. Last year we had just come out of lockdown and it was touch and go as to whether that would happen at all, so we kept it low key and didn’t plan a party. And for his first birthday … shit was going down and life was a mess. We didn’t do much at all to celebrate.
One good thing this lockdown has been the chance to detox Spud with a cleaner diet and learn a little more about gut healing (talk to me about this, if this is in your wheelhouse!) as his intolerances had been flaring pretty bad just before lockdown. Sometimes I wish we could go back to the brief period when he was only on Neocate before starting solids – that was a golden time.
Being around him 24/7 and watching him grow is something I try not to take for granted. I get to do this – rather than I have to do this.
He’s been through a couple of developmental leaps just in the past few weeks, and it’s a gift and privilege to witness these spurts.
But largely, I relish the moments just after he finally falls asleep at night. #justsayin
I can’t help but imagine being in lockdown on my own, wondering what that would be like. (I have never lived alone though I would have liked to.) I’m not under the illusion that it would be easy or perfect; in my first year out of my childhood home, I remember one stark moment of feeling such intense, stabbing, and overwhelming loneliness that I almost couldn’t bear it. I don’t think my flatmate was home at the time. I called one of my best friends, desperate for human contact. I’ve never felt so panicked about my place in the world as I did then, and wouldn’t care to repeat it.
But I’m not a fan of what-ifs, and despite the state of things, I truly believe (more than ever) that I’m right where I am meant to be for now.