No. Not this. No more.
Something powerful happens when you reach that point of no return. When you have finally had enough. You aren’t going to bend and accommodate anymore.
Trust. Your. Gut.
Your inner knowing and inner voice.
No one strategy works for everyone. Don’t feel like you need to follow a formula or conform.
People who insist otherwise may not be safe for you.
I think of instances when I did trust others over myself, and instances when I reversed that and chose to honour my intuition instead.
You can probably guess which served me better.
Not obeying the rigid rules and expectations of family, or playing the games a toxic work leader played.
Not chasing external metrics (one of the things that really solidified my self trust, hilariously, was the retirement of Facebook’s relevance score for ads. A colleague, and of course Facebook reps, were obsessed with getting this score as high as possible. Sure, it’s a factor – but it’s not the most important. Sometimes people need to see important information, whether they want it or not).
You don’t owe anyone explanations.
You can try once. Maybe even a couple of times. Beyond that, I wouldn’t waste your energy. The people who get it are your people. Those who don’t, aren’t.
Honour yourself even if it means disappointing others. Don’t twist yourself into knots trying to get others to understand you. Some people cannot and will not. Some are actively (though not always consciously) invested in not understanding.
You think you can help them see the light if only you land on the right combination of words, the magical example, the key that unlocks that breakthrough and aha.
Being misunderstood is inevitable. Letting others down is inevitable. What matters most is honouring, understanding, and trusting yourself. Being an upholder of what you know.
Choose yourself. Honour yourself.
Parenting has changed me in so many ways. I didn’t stand up for myself enough in hospital, but once I left, I started to build my confidence, strength and conviction.
Before I left, one sleepless night, I wrote a long explainer on the hospital feedback form. I poured it all out. I didn’t sign my name, but I figured they could pretty easily ID me. I was very open about how I felt about their approach to breastfeeding, pumping, and visitors.
My midwife asked if I would meet with the hospital to discuss what I wrote.
The old me would have agreed to meet with them. My people pleasing tendencies would have insisted. But that was a turning point. I paused and thought about it. The new me, the exhausted mother, took no shit. And she did not have the energy for that kind of interaction.
I said what I said. I stood by it. I let it stand alone.
There is a tendency for women to be written off by much of society as hysterical and emotional. I’ve definitely experienced this a lot since becoming a parent.
I feel like I would have been gaslit if I went. No, I KNOW I would have been gaslit if I went. Nicely, Logically. It would have all seemed very above board. And it would have done so much damage to me and caused me so much doubt.
Listen to your sacred NO and don’t dampen it down.
Protect your energy at all costs.
Without it, you can’t achieve in any area of life.
Choose where your energy goes. Be deliberate. Be intentional. Be selective. Instead of fixating on fears and doubts, real as they feel, direct your energy towards your intentions and goals.
And choose to trust yourself.