Link love (Powered by ponderances and vitamin D)

The more I think about committing to a 2013 wedding, the more I swing between feelings of excitement and anticipation, and doubt tinged with dread. The former is self-explanatory. The doubt is related to timing, the dread to the actual process of planning; there are a few details I’m psyched about, the rest sounds like too much hard work, no matter how simple we keep it.

But I suppose I’ve always been a bit conflicted about marriage. As I guest blogged on Jessie’s Money, T’s first proposal didn’t go down so well (I’ll call it a practice run). And then a couple of years passed. I started wondering when I might expect him to do it right, as I thought of it – we talked about the future lots, about kids, about growing old, about how balancing our two families at a wedding might go. Even though I still was in no way ready to contemplate getting married.

I still feel that being engaged is right and exactly where we’re meant to be. So it’s a timing thing. I’m thinking 2013 so our Europe trip can be a honeymoon. But I’m not totally sold and I’m not sure why that is.

Is it because I was rather firmly tethered to the notion of getting hitched close to 30, with housebuying and childbearing following fairly closely after (once I’m wedded to a plan, being wrenched off that path is akin to passing kidney stones, or something hideously painful)?

Is it because I still haven’t gotten over my aversion to the noun “wife”? Do I just not feel old enough to call ourselves a married couple yet?

LIFE

Laurene at Stratejoy muses on the strange nature of mother-daughter relationships.

Five ways to improve your life in five minutes, with Bullish’s Jen.

Matt at Life Without Pants talks plans vs missions.

Sometimes what we want is full of contradictions, as Lesley at 23ToLife points out.

Passive Panda and Writing to Reach You ask: are you ever jealous of your more successful peers?

The joys and sorrows of being a misfit, via Rachel Hills.

When one door closes, another opens. Lindy at Minting Nickels on ‘the one that got away’.

Zen Habits on the warning signs that you’ve given up on your dreams.

Makeunder My Life reminds us that we are only accountable to ourselves.

At APW, we hear from a feminist homemaker.

If you’re too busy, you’re not doing it right. At Study Hacks.

Hithatsmybike on the boomerang children phenomenon.

Little House imagines life pre-cellphone, pre-cable, pre-Facebook.

WORK

How to write a killer magazine pitch, by Rachel Hills.

From self published author to big publishing deal – an inspirational read from Torre DeRoche.

Redhead Writing walks us through the creation of a nonfiction book proposal.

Should you take a sales job? Ms Career Girl answers a reader question.

A tale of choosing entrepreneurship over a lifelong dream, at Sharp Skirts.

Add Vodka on the pros of not having a steady job.

MONEY

Get Rich Slowly on America’s love-hate relationship with wealth (applies to New Zealand just as well, IMO).

TeacHer reckons some personal finance advice is totally unrealistic.

Forget about normal – strive for better, says Debt Ninja.

So Over Debt offers some finance lessons from the Walking Dead.

Want to avoid buyer’s remorse? Budgets Are Sexy has some good advice.

FOOD

Mmm, meatballs! Via a wandering food lover.

Iowa Girl Eats shares her hungry hubby casserole.

Spinach and lentil curry sounds delish (thanks Not Eating Out in New York),

And finally, cranberry and white chocolate ripple ice cream, by Hungry and Frozen.

8 thoughts on “Link love (Powered by ponderances and vitamin D)

  • Reply Amber from Girl with the Red Hair November 19, 2011 at 10:02

    I had no idea it was T’s second time proposing! I liked your guest post 🙂

  • Reply Paula @ Afford Anything November 20, 2011 at 18:52

    You know, I’m also not ready for the word “wife.” I don’t feel old enough for it, either. I’m very glad to see that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Most women I talk to can’t wait to be married!

  • Reply Little House November 22, 2011 at 04:01

    Being a “wife” can be great and you can define that anyway you please – getting married really isn’t like being sucked through a vortex. You’re still the same person you ever were. 😉 Thanks for including my post in your roundup!

  • Reply Serendipity November 26, 2011 at 15:57

    I’m not ready to be called “wife” either. I love Rambo and he is wonderful, I just don’t feel grown up enough to be married quite yet. As I think in my mind we will finally be tiring the knot in 2014, after being together eight years by that point, I think I will be ready. I’m almost ready now but two more years should really do it. 🙂

  • Reply Revanche November 28, 2011 at 09:15

    Well hell. I’m *actually* married now and it’s been nearly a month and I still haven’t gotten used to saying *that much*, forget getting used to saying or hearing that I am someone’s WIFE or that PiC is my husband. My staff, having actually gone through this oddness of a shift, are actually teasing me about the husband bit, because they too feel like it’s weird to refer to someone as your husband (I’ve written it three times and it feels as foreign as anything).

    I love him, I love us, I love that we’ve come through this month and everything horrible that it’s held and everything good that it’s had with a strength I didn’t have to question which seems to have been the difference between being “together” vs “engaged” vs “married”. But the part where I’m used to saying married, wife, husband, and knowing that is the state of affairs? …. I think I’m going to have to grow into that. And I suspect that you all may have to, as well. I guess we’re just not of the states of mind to flip a switch and -be there-.

  • Reply SassyGirl November 28, 2011 at 15:46

    I think it’s totally normal to not be, well, totally sure. It sounds to me like you’re hemming and hawing a bit not because you’re not committed to your relationship but simply because you’re not sure if you see yourself as “wedded” already. But that’s probably a common feeling, because we often see ourselves as more complex (or more simple) creatures than the stereotypes associated with labels, and “fiance” or “wife” are certainly labels.
    I don’t think you need to worry about those labels quite so much. Your wedding, and your marriage, will be completely defined by who you are and who he is, and that’s all.
    By the way, congratulations! (And I do agree on the keeping your name thing.)

  • Reply eemusings November 29, 2011 at 09:12

    I think you guys are right. Words are so important to me – they are my livelihood and my love, but these are just labels. (Funnily enough, this is not one of my love languages – verbalising was never my strong point).

  • Reply Cows and milk, birds and bees, living in sin | Musings of an Abstract Aucklander May 24, 2012 at 14:54

    […] turned out to be newlyweds (2 years) but had been living together for 16 years before that. (I haven’t exactly been lighting a firecracker under our wedding plans, but we won’t be getting to that kind of ballpark, at […]

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