Am I doing the right thing?

I’ve been thinking, A LOT, about the future and what it holds. Escaping to Europe after graduation is sounding really tempting. Not straight away of course, after working and saving for a few months. I don’t know what kind of job I’d be able to get overseas, but I think I definitely have the itch…

To a lesser degree I’ve been thinking about my degree, and whether I made the right choice. Would I be where I am today if I was doing a plain old BA? Who knows? Probably not. But maybe in the long run it would serve me better; I’d have a wider, more rounded base of knowledge. And I know people with BAs who’ve gone straight into media type work and then stepped into PR right after that, which makes me wonder why bother with a BCS?

But I think stories like that are the exception rather than the norm, and you need, often, to be in the right place at the right time. You need to be a certain kind of person, social, networking, well connected usually, and it helps if you’re attractive and, if you’re working in mags, well off enough that you can dress and act the image.

I’ve found it hard to keep the blog at work going; I’m not really out and about doing awesome things or being seen at society events, or going to fab restaurants or buying new accessories/makeup/beauty stuff that could be written up. I’m certainly not in the loop to hear about upcoming events, I rely on the other staff to keep me up to date and let me know if there’s anything important coming up that should go online. It takes a lot of my time digging around trying to find tidbits for the blog!

I’ve also started to really question my writing ability. I swear I’m slowly dumbing down; my vocab is shrinking and I can rarely ever get the right adjective that I want…instead I dance around it in my head and have to consult a thesaurus to pin it down. It’s really frustrating! A dear friend said I was the best writer ever, which was very sweet of her but I really don’t think I can live up to that anymore. Writing on cue is hard. Writing to deadline is near impossible. I fear I’ll never be able to churn out the best writing I can on tight news deadlines. It’s hard enough trying to hammer out a good piece of fluff for the site or newsletter in a day…

So I’m doubting my future in writing, it’s not looking all that bright at the moment. I’m also sick of mag language; the liberal use of exclamation points and the overuse of ‘fabulous’ (it seriously appears in every other paragraph).

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