Jezebel is pretty hit and miss, but sometimes they really knock it out of the park. Like with this headline:
I can take or leave kids, personally, but I have a partner who wants them, so kids are in the plan. On a scale of one to baby fever, though, I’m definitely wayyy down on the ‘terrified’ end of the spectrum.
In so many ways, I’m not cut out for it
I don’t know how to ‘play’
This comment on the Jezebel piece sums me up nicely:
Playing with my kids was always so hard for me. I remember trying to play barbies with my 3 year old once.
Me (holding barbie): “Hello, how are you?”
Her (holding her barbie): “Well I’m doing alright.”
Her: “I don’t want to play with you anymore, where’s dad?”
I hate answering questions
And kids do nothing but ask questions all day long. Usually stupid ones.
I don’t have an ear for kid ‘frequency’
It’s like they operate on another wavelength. Whatever they say comes out sounding like a high pitched mumble to me
I need a LOT of sleep
I inherited that from my mother.
There are so many things I’m scared of (some shallow, some serious)
I’m scared my kids won’t love books
This comment on The Toast is almost literally true for me:
One of the many, many reasons I am averse to having kids is the possibility that they will not enjoy reading and I will have to kill them and try again.
I’m scared my kids will be picky eaters
Like my brother was, and is. All through our childhood, he never ate the same things the rest of us did.
I’m scared my kids will be stupid
Guess there’s a bit of a tiger parent in me buried deep down? Average, I can accept. Dim, that would be a hard swallow, especially if they had a smarter sibling. I’ve seen so many cases of bright siblings overshadowing a slower one. I don’t trust myself to navigate that kind of thing well.
I’m scared my kids will be really needy
I was a pretty self sufficient child. Entertained myself with books and writing. Never asked for things. Wouldn’t tell my parents when I was super lonely after we moved, certain they wouldn’t understand (school is for learning, not making friends). Clinginess is alien to me.
I’m scared my kids will just be bad eggs
I honestly believe sometimes nature > nurture.
These are my confessions. Maybe I sound like Cruella De Ville. But I’m not gonna lie – this is what’s going on inside my head.
In Notes From A Future Shitbag Mother, the Hairpin’s Alana Massey writes:
It is a tired cliché that insults the childfree to say that parenting is the most important job in the world, but it is the most permanent one. I am paralyzed by the fear that my inadequate handling of the job will spill across generations, poisoning lives that never even had to be. I must consider how willing I am to leave behind traces of myself in a world that I feel I have already disappointed quite sufficiently.
Like Massey, I’ve considered and acknowledged all my fears and come out still knowing that this is a path I’m willing to go down. For me, thinking and talking about these fears is a healthy thing. Personally, I think I’d be crazy to NOT have any doubts about something this big.
I’m sure I’ll be a decent parent one day. Or least, I’m confident I won’t be the worst parent ever. Daunting prospect, though.