Last week I came out and said something that had been bubbling away in my mind for weeks.
It was the kind of thing I didn’t really think should be said, not just yet, but maybe in some ways, it did.
I’ve been doing this a lot more lately – coming right out with stuff. Uncomfortable stuff. And amazingly, the world isn’t ending.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that nobody else can understand and nobody else is going through the same thing.
It’s so easy to retreat and hide. I spent most of 2014 avoiding people.
When my life was falling apart and there was no light at the end of the tunnel I couldn’t handle it – when everyone else’s lives were going much better I couldn’t swallow the jealousy. Pain is isolating. And it’s difficult to think that when I was wrapped up in my own struggles, friends were quietly going through their own heartbreaks. We’re all coming out the other side and bringing it all into the light.
(It’s really nice to not feel that way anymore. I know I can’t just hold it all inside again, because I will implode. It didn’t work then and it most certainly won’t work now.)
None of us can say our lives are what we thought they would be at this age. And as young women from Asian backgrounds, I think that’s in many ways extra hard to cope with and to admit.
But it feels good to let stuff out. It’s the only way.
agree x 1000. But it seems so hard to break down those barriers with new friends — like, how do you just ask someone to share something they’re sad about? ( I thought about this at dinner with a new friend the other night). It seems like the process of growing closer requires sharing the right amount of pain/vulnerability.
I love your last sentence. I think it’s so true.
I don’t really have many new friends. And being quite reserved I generally am not the one to make the first move to get all deep and thoughtful. But I’ve been really, really surprised at how open people around me have been, and then it just piggybacks from there.
We all have uncomfortable and downright painful thoughts/experiences and just getting them out of our heads in the presence to supportive people can be a great relief.
I’m trying to make close friends in my new location and it is definitely taking time. Once a week I get a chance to unload to my friends in knitting group, at least. I wish I had the opportunity to do it more often.
Since I started working as a virtual assistant, I don’t have enough time to go out and talk with my friends, well I thought that I’m more okay with this. Until this year, I faced the most challenging part of my life and I think that I will explode if I will not talk to anyone. This is the time that I talk to my friends again in person. It really feels so good!
We’ve been very socialized to not say things that are uncomfortable for ourselves or others, haven’t we? But it’s quite liberating to learn how to speak our minds or truths in a way that gets the point across, initiates some change and/or doesn’t make it feel as if the world is ending. It’s a great thing when it works. It’s fair to say that in some cases, and we just have to be aware of them, there’s a reason we’re socialized to avoid that discomfort and there are consequences but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t learn how to do it when possible.
Everyone experience this situation in their entire life. You don’t have to feel jealous. Try making it your advantage advantage. Life is more than that and is beautiful!
Being 100% authentic and open becomes a habit over time. You will find that it’s a lot less work to thoughtfully say what needs to be said then keep stuff bottled up. Or, you’ll explode!