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  • Link love (Powered by road trips and jet setting)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    I have only three words to describe this month: Go, Go, Go.

    On the plus side … I can’t wait to put together a bunch of posts about where I’ve been and what I’ve seen. I <3 NZ.

    This week’s links

    Are you a ‘glasses person’? Yeah, me too. Nice to know I’m not alone in my feeling that glasses > face and my amazement when people I don’t see that often recognise me in contacts

    I think there’s some solid advice here on building a career with stability

    Leslie on balancing creation with consumption

    An open letter to chaos. Beautiful

    Here are 50 things to do instead of spending money

    Moving away from your hometown: the gains and losses

    And finally, how do you raise a multiracial child?

     

  • Link love (Powered by samosas and swearing)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    – Labour Weekend! Huzzah!

    – Lopped off a bunch of my hair! As always, wish I’d done it way earlier. What do you do while you’re in the chair? I usually close my eyes (especially if I’m not wearing contacts and can’t really see anyway). I don’t have a regular hairdresser – I just go to a weird Asian salon where they don’t speak much English, but know how to handle Asian hair.

    – November is shaping up to be crazy – two work related trips. Looking forward to it.

    – I’m thinking about keeping a ‘health’ diary (though next month is probably not the month to do it in). Basically I just haven’t been feeling at my best, and I think keeping track of my sleep, what I eat and drink, what exercise I do, and any digestive woes I have might yield some insights.

    This week’s links

    A truly horrifying, spine-chilling story about living in a mouldy house

    Giving up on dreaming big (and my previous take on that)

    My fellow anti-social hermits, let us unite in our frugality

    Good managers are indeed hard to find, and there’s so many variations on the bad kind

    The ups and downs of working from home

    I thought this take on the new era of non-job stability was interesting

    What Sex and the City needed more of: introverts.

    “Six seasons didn’t make me wish I had a life similar to the SATC characters. Instead, six seasons made me wish I wanted a life like theirs and question why I don’t. Shouldn’t I want to see my friends more? Shouldn’t I have three friends to complete me? “

  • Link love (Powered by soup, sweat and sleep)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    This week’s high was … I should say that it was meeting my new niece (and that was cool) but really it was hearing that she was inheriting her mother’s surname.

    This week’s low was … Being knocked on my ass by a terrible cold for days.

    Search term of the week…Getting sick from living in rundown rentals.” Yup, that’s what happens. I can tell you almost without a doubt that my health has suffered over the past years and I would attribute no small part of that to renting.

    This time last year… We were in Chicago and New Orleans.

    This week’s links

    Okay, so not surprisingly, I’ve got kids on the brain (and all you guys who left comments on my recent post expanded on points that have occurred to me too). Here’s a bunch of related links…

    This week I came across Ann Friedman’s piece, What if you just don’t know if you want kids? which made me thankful that we are not both truly on the fence, because how agonising would that be? 

    There’s also Laura June’s I dressed a girl and I liked it (I too always planned on opting for gender neutral colours – I really doubt I will find joy in dressing a little girl in nothing but pinks, so I hereby resign myself to having strangers assume her a boy. It’s okay, apparently the same happened when I was a baby)

    At A Practical Wedding, the helpless rage and frustration one feels about bringing a girl into this world. I totally, totally relate. It’s terrifying. ALL the feelings.

    A kiwi dude who doesn’t consider himself a feminist took his wife’s name and so did their kid, unprompted. Be still my heart.

    Okay, onto a few other bits and bobs…

    What if you just hate making dinner? *raises hand*

    Surprise: life coaching can be kind of a scam

    How do you handle the mental load of partnered life? (Not as well as I’d like)

    Finally, Melanie at Dear Debt basically wrote the ultimate post on work I wish I’d written

    “If you LIKE your job or even are lucky enough to LOVE your job, don’t buy this be-your-own-boss and live happily ever after crap. Because if you like or love your job, that is a damn near fairy tale in this day and age. Enjoy it! …  Focus on what your heart and body are telling you. Not what some freelance guru is selling or some 9-5 prisoner who wants everyone else to hate their job is selling too.”

     

  • Link love (Powered by burgers and mood swings)

     

    nzmuse link love roundup

    And… it’s the weekend again!

    This week’s low…  An update on the worst boss ever, from T’s friend who still works here. SO hopping mad, can’t even go there – it’s borderline slander on that douchebag’s part – and I wish his friend wouldn’t ever talk to us about work, but that’s impossible to expect seeing as work is where they met.

    This week’s high… Some effusive praise from an offshore colleague that went all around my team – a nice ego boost.

    This time last year… We ripped through New England and up to Canada, pausing in Montreal and Toronto.

    This week’s links

    While I don’t love airports anywhere near as much as I used to, there are still a few things I like, and Tonya sums them up nicely

    Berrak explains why she stopped looking for her ‘tribe’, which I totally relate to

    At the Wireless, everyone’s talking about leaving, coming back to or staying in New Zealand. I missed the Twitter chat, but I’m still here because I’ve been around the world and didn’t find anywhere that ticked more boxes for me than Auckland. (For the record, I’d love to live in NYC for a couple of years, but it’s too big of a risk for me to stomach for too little reward. I love my career and don’t want to derail it or go backwards financially)

    And a hilarious acceptance speech:

  • Link love (Powered by lentils and little surprises)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    Thank god for the weekend!

    The low of my week was a work-related thing, and finishing Firefly 🙁 On the plus side, Scandal is back. (Fellow Nathan Fillion fans, should I give Castle a go? I adore Bones, if that helps)

    The high of my week was receiving our first produce box (we’re trying out a local delivery service. Will write about it once we’ve got a few weeks under the belt).

    My plans this weekend include going for a long overdue run. Oh yes. I gotta step it up on the health front (and made a good effort this week, eating lentils for lunch almost every day)

    This time last year we were in New York and Washington DC. *wishful sigh*

    This week’s links

    Take the power back! A Terrible Husband on reclaiming control of your story

    What to do when you unexpectedly lose your job, from Figuring Money Out

    And a PSA for freelancers – how to deal when a client dumps you, via Cordelia Calls it quits

    Over at Salon, what it’s like being a minority woman in journalism (at the NYT, no less)

    And on a similar note at Corporette, growing up poor and clawing your way into the strange cocoon of corporate law

  • Link love (Powered by all the feelings)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    Oh hi there. I feel a bit naked after that epic vent earlier this week (which was extremely cathartic, and thank you for lending your ears). I hate uncertainty and I hate the feeling of the future slipping further away with every day that the status quo continues.

    Normally I consider myself pretty good at coping with pressure/stress. When I went on sabbatical to travel last year they went through not 1, not 2, but 3 replacements for me, so I swear I am not an incompetent petal. But apparently I don’t do so great when it’s to do with my personal life, and obviously I am just at my limit. Proof: I teared up at work when I saw this in my tweet stream this week. I don’t even know why.

    Tomorrow is T’s birthday. Like mine, it’s inevitably going to be a massive step down after the past two years (New York and a South Island road trip), coupled with the current situation. But it is what it is.

    Also, there was a death in his family this week. When it rains, it pours…. The funeral was a strange occasion – too many cigarettes and mullets, not enough shoes or parental control (kids running around grabbing flowers and toys off random graves?! Nuh uh) but at the end, there was hangi and the best damn raw fish salad I’ve ever had. And it provided a bit of perspective, too.

    This week’s links

    A couple of takes on whistling and catcalling (which annoy me no end) – A flowchart and some thoughts on how privilege plays into this

    Nomad Wallet ponders whether taking sabbaticals to travel is worth it

    At Thought Catalog, Nomadic Matt reminds us that the grass is never greener on the other side

    Jezebel on dating up and dating down. Insightful comments going on, too

    Tonya on drawing the line between things that are hard but worthy, and things you just don’t want to pursue anymore

    What are you REALLY seeking at work? Via Seth Godin

    Stephany on being a highly sensitive person

    A budget travel guide to the Maldives, from Never Ending Footsteps

    A tale to tell for years to come: The best time I thought I was going to die in the Italian woods (took me right back to those sweaty, stressful, halcyon days navigating trains in Italy)

    The ultimate guide to baking cookies. No joke

    At the Vulture: Debating the merits of Rory Gilmore’s boyfriends. Just because

  • Link love (Powered by granola and an election)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    Spotify Friday is now a thing at the office. It’s awesome.

    Since I never listen to the radio, I never really know what’s new, or who sings what.

    This is a song I would 100 percent have said was local – it has a pretty kiwi vibe and sound. But no. Nice one Canada!

    This time last year: We were in Iceland! (Where I felt right at home, if only it wasn’t so cold…) Now, I’m off to vote.

    This week’s links

    Great minds

    Just the other day I blogged about communicating and the futility of forcing anything on others. This week Jess Lively wrote about how trying to control people doesn’t work

    Rachel Hills and I have been blogging for almost the same amount of time. And this week we both reflected on the journey (here’s mine)

    Earlier this week I wrote about toxic bosses; here’s a handy LinkedIn post about how to deal with destructive workplaces

    The best of the rest

    Musical Poem reflects on growing up biracial

    Oldie, but new to me – Mark Manson’s 6 healthy relationship habits

    Neurotic Workaholic lists out the things she wishes she was brave enough to say

    Reassurance over at Stratejoy: For now, you’re doing exactly what you need to be doing

    Why you should give up on being the best, at The Broke and Beautiful Life

    Add Vodka asks: what goals have you talked yourself out of lately?

    How to actually change your habits, at A Life Less Bullshit

    Some little changes to make life more interesting, at Yes and Yes

    Lots of deep ponderings, I know. Happy weekends!

  • 6 things I’ve learned in 6 years of blogging

    6 lessons in building a blog

    As of this month, I’ve been chronicling my life here for six years. Unbelieveable.

    Since I missed the big five-year mark, being off gallivanting somewhere in Europe last year, I’ll have to make up for it now.

    Here are the biggest things I’ve learned.

    It’s all about me

    It’s the rawest and most honest posts that seem to resonate.

    Guest posts and posts where I get a bit more journalistic just don’t get the same response.

    It makes sense – if I think about all the blogs I currently read, the reason I continue to subscribe is because I feel a connection to the blogger. This is why I read very few blogs that use staff writers (and usually skim over the staff posts in favour of the posts by the original writer). I promise I will never hire staff writers.

    Ultimately, the only thing you have to set you apart online is yourself – your viewpoint, your writing, your voice.

    It’s hard to know how much to reveal

    Walking that fine line is something anyone who writes for public consumption faces.

    As I’ve become less anonymous, finding that balance has become even harder. I want to be as honest as possible, but within reason. Although I don’t share my blog with many people IRL, my rough benchmark is ‘would I mind if my family/closest friends read this?’ and that helps guide me.

    I will happily talk to anyone, online or offline, stranger or friend, about how I spend and save. I probably wouldn’t share my income or net worth. I might not want to disclose the details if I was going through a rough time personally but I might allude to them or talk about how I’m coping (or not). Struggles with relationships and career/work, I find, are the toughest to navigate.

    Go self-hosted early

    I wish I’d made the switch to self-hosted blogging earlier. Mainly for selfish reasons, to be honest with you: I could have made a lot more money.

    But it’s also encouraged me to take my writing here more seriously. I almost don’t even count those first couple of years of blogging. These days, I usually work on draft posts for awhile and preschedule them – often continuing to make tweaks before and even just after go-live.

    Don’t sell out

    Doesn’t this directly contradict that last point, you ask? Well, like with most things, it’s all about balance. I’m not principled enough to eschew commercialism entirely. In going self-hosted, I wanted to be confident I would at least make enough to cover the costs involved.

    That doesn’t mean jumping at every opportunity, though. I had a phase where I ran a ton of crappy (paid) guest posts, and that accounted for a reasonable proportion of the money I earned online while travelling full-time last year. I tried to edit to higher standards and put my own spin on them with a personalised intro, but ultimately I was no longer comfortable playing that game.

    It was a weird and totally conflicting dynamic at play: Advertisers essentially wanted to piggyback off your blog’s SEO juice, but in allowing them to do so you put that hard-earned built-up SEO goodness – the very thing advertisers are paying you for – at risk. And since I was working in mainstream media (which of course is playing its own game with sponsored content and struggling to define boundaries) I felt extremely suspect doing this kind of thing on my personal site.

    Suffice to say my standards are now a lot higher. I want to be proud of everything I run here.

    Do not obsess over stats

    I go through ebbs and flows – currently I’m in a phase where I feel compelled to check in on my traffic every few hours. This is unhealthy and I know it!

    I’m used to running larger, non-personal sites and constantly monitoring analytics, because that kind of data informs what we do. I don’t want to do the same here.

    I don’t have the huge numbers that some other bloggers do, and while sometimes that bums me out, ultimately, I’m much more interested in quality, not quantity.

    Don’t force it

    When it comes to blogging, I go through bursts and spurts of inspiration. Often I’ll realise I’ve almost run out of posts, but it always works out. Forcing ideas never works!

  • Link love (Powered by quiche and many a bus ride)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    Oh, what a week.

    The highlight of my week was: A kid just passing by, who stopped when he saw me arguing with a bus driver, to try and help me. I wish I’d been more appreciative of his effort, but at the time I was too steaming mad…

    The low of my week was: Dealing with that twat of a bus driver. I came pretty close to busting out the c-word; that’s how close to the edge I’ve been operating lately stress-wise and this incident nearly pushed me over. Here’s the account of events that I emailed to Auckland Transport as a complaint:

    Auckland Transport - Bus driver complaint

    While it only added maybe 10 minutes to my journey home as another bus came along soon, and didn’t cost me any more as I had an unlimited monthly pass, it’s the bloody principle. I call UNACCEPTABLE on the entire thing. I will defend public transport to the death – I’ve relied on it for years – but even I have limits.

    It’s a real shame, as literally the night before that incident, I had my BEST ever experience of Auckland transport yet: two trips in close succession, each requiring me to take two separate buses and transfer, but with hardly any wait time in between.

    This time last year we were in: Paris, one of my favourite cities ever. I had a particularly strong burst of nostalgia yesterday standing in line at the French cafe next door to work …

    This week’s links

    Sarah Somewhere on finding peace

    Michelle at FitnPoor calls quits on obsessing about her blog stats

    Over at Musical Poem: How to spend 48 hours in Washington DC

    Agreed on most counts! Things to know before embarking on a RTW trip, by Landing Standing

    A rare gem on LinkedIn on the career myth that’s hurting millennials: “Happiness is fleeting, and cannot be achieved by finding that one catch-all job.”

    Happy weekends!

  • Link love (Powered by rainstorms and troubled sleep)

    nzmuse link love roundup

    Guys, it’s been a hard week. One of those weeks where I’ve retreated into myself and felt really alone – there’s nobody I want to talk to about it and I haven’t even wanted to write about it just yet.

    At this stage, I think I’d rather be back in Italy among the sticky fig trees and blasted horse dung and cleaning the chicken coop and at the topless beach that wasn’t. Yep, even in the 30-40 degree heat (I’d never gotten so sweaty in my life) – though on the plus side Europe has a much stronger ozone layer, so I never got burnt like I would here at home.

    This week’s links

    The two golden rules to travelling while in debt, via Nomad Wallet

    The Billfold on accepting financial assistance from your parents (I used to be super staunch about independence but life has beaten me down; I sure as well would accept help nowadays)

    Cordelia Calls it Quits is quitting the entrepreneurial rat race

    James Robinson on Medium muses about life in NZ vs the US

    Thoughts on culture, race and identity, from My Name is Elizabeth