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Browsing tag: life

  • May 14, 2010

    Voice from the past

    Some of you may know I lived and went to school in Kuala Lumpur till I was eight. I don’t have a lot of memories from those years, to be honest. I do, however, remember my best friend from primary school – a friend who tracked me down on Facebook this month and followed up with a phone call.

    Let me tell you, that was one of the strangest conversations I’ve had. So much time, so many years gone by. I vaguely recall phoning her when we flew back to visit my grandmother when I was maybe 15, and hearing a cold, strange, harsh voice. Her mother said she was being sulky…rebellious…going through a rough patch. I didn’t visit her. That makes it 13 years since we last saw each other.

    It’s funny to get a glimpse into a culture you’ve left behind. To see how much parental influence was in her life, to hear the kind of career options they deem suitable for you, and to let that shape the decisions you make. And it’s funny, too, to hear how things are the same the world over – that itch to get out, to travel, to see the world beyond what you know of it.

    When I think back, I  remember a photo of us in uniforms, outside school, grinning at the camera. I also remember a photo of us on culture day, when we both wore cheongsam(s?) to school – she looked entirely at home in hers, while mine – borrowed, of course – hung awkwardly. I’ve always hated the fact that being of an ethnicity other than the dominant one automatically qualifies you to others as having “culture” and with it, all the trappings of customs, dress and language. But I digress.

    Anyway, that’s probably about it, along with a couple of other brief memories. I couldn’t even remember if she had siblings, whether they were older or younger, or anything at all. She, on the other hand, asked about my parents and my family like we’d never left. Which made me feel bad. What kind of a friend was I? Compounded of course, by the fact that she started a conversation on Facebook chat later in the week mentioning how much she missed me (coming on a little strong perhaps? We only went to school together for less than two years…then again, maybe I’m a cold hard bitch with a terrible memory).

    Is it strange that I remember so little from my childhood?


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  • April 28, 2010

    Life in the spotlight

    Does anyone remember Donna from That 70s Show? (She now appears in some late night TV drama with the name Autumn Rd or something equally boring…okay, Google reveals that it is in fact October Rd). Anyway, she was on House last night as one half of a couple whose incessant blogging is testing their relationship. She was also really sick and had a heart condition, but I’m not interested in that for now.

    The episode starts off with them fighting because, er, she blogged in detail about their last argument.

    “I want what’s between us to stay between us!” he says.

    Blogging, she says, helps her feel connected to others. People read about her life and leave comments, which to nonbloggers sounds downright insane, but to us is just par for the course. She blogs all. the. time. And right before she goes into surgery, she even tells him: “I wish you had a blog. I wish I knew what you were thinking.”

    I think I can pretty confidently say I’ll never get to that stage.

    I try not to blog about work. Something major happened last week that I really wanted to write a big post about, but that would have given away where I work, and I’m really not comfortable doing that. I certainly didn’t feel qualified to write about it on my real name blog, either (which has pretty much gone on hiatus.  I’m not really interested in major political or media issues, nor informed enough to write about them. Then it was meant to be where I review movies, restaurants, etc, but until I wind up my voluntary gig – which, you guessed it, mainly consists of reviews, because they’re easy to knock out, and demonstrates my ability to write in different styles – that too is on pause).

    I rarely blog about my relationship. We’re far from perfect. We have issues. I blog about one of the taboos – money – but I don’t write about sex or religion, and I don’t write about our fights…even when he irritates me to no end by, say, missing out on something he’s wanted for a long time because he couldn’t be bothered to do the groundwork beforehand.

    The person you know as me is only a part of me. The only way you could get to know all facets of my personality is to know me in real life and spend a lot of time with me. Such is the nature of being a semi anonymous blogger. And even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t want to air out all of our dirty laundry. I respect his desire for privacy, and I want to focus on the positives, rather than dwell on the negatives, which are always so much easier to remember even without documentation.

    As it is, I often find myself thinking about how I’m going to blog about something that’s happened to me. That’s totally reasonable. But I never want to find myself living like I’m on a reality show and living for a blog.

  • April 9, 2010

    Lessons learned from living alone

    Okay, so the title is a little misleading, seeing as I’ve never lived alone. T’s been away for a few days, giving me a taste of what it would be like to live completely on my own. I can see how it would get a bit lonely, but at the same time, the peace and quiet is nice!

    – I’ve eaten the same thing for dinner two nights in a row, with the leftovers for lunch two days in a row. Clearly, having the other half around means going through food ridiculously fast, but it also means variety. Cooking for one…meh. I flatted for a year before moving in with T, and can’t count the number of times a packet of pasta, a can of sauce and some mince would last me three nights.

    – Coincidentally, the last few days at work have also been rather busy. I can see how I might become a total workaholic if I were single.

    – I’d probably sleep in my cuddly pink robe on cold nights, and wake up sprawled sideways across the bed.

    – I would probably also appreciate the noise from our LL’s family more – reassuring signs of life and all. They have young children who often sound like they’re jumping on the floor right above our heads.

    – Finally, the house would most definitely be tidier. I don’t leave my dirty socks lying all over the floor, and I make way less mess in the kitchen!

  • March 30, 2010

    Rethinking my travel plans

    It has always been one of my goals to travel. First I thought I’d take a gap year right after high school. (How I planned to pay for that, who knows). Then I thought I’d work for a few years after uni, save and then go backpacking in Europe. Then over the years I’d slowly make it through my list of destinations.

    Except I don’t really want to backpack. I like my home comforts.

    And I’m not really sure if I want to work while I’m abroad, although I think that’s more a fear of going over with a plan to find a job, then failing to do so and ending up broke.

    And then, would I want to take just any job that I could, or would I be looking to stay for an extended period and try to get an industry position? Would I pay one of those organised schemes to help get me set up with work?

    Maybe I should just stay put and save like a demon, using my four weeks leave every year to do big trips overseas. (And I still haven’t even seen the South Island, which I really should be doing before anything else. Hopefully that will happen at the end of the year.)

    But that seems so….safe.

    Too many choices. Too many decisions.

    For those of you who’ve done some travelling, which way did you go? How long for? And if you worked, how did you arrange all that?

  • March 28, 2010

    A letter to my 31-year-old self

    Holy crap. Right now, 31 sounds absolutely ancient. 31 to me, means a house and kids. It means having a dining room and dining furniture. No more wiping my nose on my sleeve. Knowing what to do in any given situation. I’m dying to know: are you there yet?

    You have no idea how much I want to know where I (you?) are (will be?). I’ve just graduated. I’m working full-time, and am at a bit of a crossroads in regards to a concrete plan. Who are you, and who have you become? Have you gone into PR? Work freelance or from home? Do you even still work in the media industry? Because right now, you might remember, I’m working some slightly odd hours but getting invaluable experience. I’m still in the awkward position of doing some duties beyond my job title, but that’s where I want to be, and I figure if I prove myself, I can earn that position. It’s those days when I have to step up that I love the work, because there really is nothing worse than having too little to do.

    Have you done the travelling you wanted to do? Seen Europe, the US, the UK? Maybe even some of Asia? Have you dared to take chances…can you proudly say you have no regrets?

    Are you remembering to give to others? To tell the people you love what they mean to you? To make the effort to keep in touch with old friends, with family? Because when it comes down to it, it’s people that matter more than anything else. What is life, without others to share with it? I hope your nieces and nephews have grown up to be strong, kind and intelligent, and comfortable in their own skin. I hope that by now you have no self-doubts.

    Oh, and before I forget, are you engaged? married? Did T manage to buy you a ring? Are we on track to buy a house, and towards a six figure net worth? Curious minds want to know! I’m especially dying to find out where he ended up careerwise.

    I bet you still find social situations painful, but I hope you’ve learned to fake it. I’ve always believed that we only get given what we can handle in life. Remember that, even as every new challenge pushes you to breaking point.

    What about hobbies; do you still read, blog, play tennis, guitar, take photos, attempt to bake? Still eat as much as you want without worrying about weight? Oh, I hope so. Nonetheless, I hope you’re eating better and getting more fresh food into you. And I hope you’re still trying to keep fit, because right now, I’m actually at the point of ENJOYING exercise – so keep it up.

    I’m excited to grow into you. I won’t lie, I’m not in rush to meet you in 10 years – that’s a long way to go. Here’s to ticking off the boxes in the meantime.

    (Here’s to the others who participated in this latest meme).

  • March 12, 2010

    But I don’t feel like a grownup

    This year I turn 22. Which puts me firmly in the ‘twentysomething’ camp.

    WTF? When did this happen?

    Can I still wear short shorts? Am I too old to eat popcorn for dinner? Will I ever be able to park properly, enabling me to drive on my own? Why do I not own an iron? Or know how to deal with any cuts of chicken, barring the trusty chicken breast?

    You know what brought this on? The fact that I was trying on a dress – and yes, I did end up buying it – and thought that it was TOO SHORT. (It wasn’t, by the way. And I’m not the kind to wear belt-sized skirts that don’t cover my ass.) The temporary insanity has mostly passed, but I can’t quite shake that feeling of time marching on.

  • February 26, 2010

    All in the family

    Odd but true: I have a bunch of relatives I’ve never met before. Cousins and uncles. I couldn’t even tell you their names or where they live, but it’s somewhere in Australia (and both lots could live on opposite sides of the country for all I know).

    I’d like to think it’s not completely weird, because there are something like 10 siblings on my paternal side. And at least I’m pretty sure I’ve met all the ones who reside in Malaysia. What IS weird for me is the fact that our extended family isn’t close at all, and weren’t even when we still lived there. It makes me a little sad that my kids won’t grow up with heaps of cousins to play with. T’s nieces will be way older than our kids, although his younger brothers – and mine, I guess – might come through 😛

    Hopefully they’ll get to grow up alongside my friends’ offspring (although that is an incredibly strange thought. I wonder how us all getting married and procreating one day will change things?) If they don’t have a big, loud extended family, it’d be nice if they at least had friends who were like part of the family.*

    * Something I, again, never had. Is my bitterness really obvious?

  • February 14, 2010

    Career angst (not mine this time)

    (If you’re coming here from my 2011 post, note that this is from a year ago. T has a steady job, the latest in a very long chain of events which goes something like career track/redundancy/temp work/total unemployment/short course/job which turned out to be a dead end – as detailed below – temp work, more total unemployment in which we agreed he would wait for something remotely challenging or with growth potential/full time job.)

    I’ve been the main income earner now for over a year (and for most of that time, I was a student). And I’m tiring of it.

    T has been working – sort of – for a few months. Basically he does tree work and landscaping – it’s a “fun” job for him, and seeing as he only works with one other person, he doesn’t really have to worry about work politics. BUT. There are a lot of buts.

    a) The pay is about as bad as it gets.
    b) The hours aren’t even regular
    c) It’s also kind of a seasonal thing, and obviously winter will be the worst.
    d) And long-term, where is this going?
    e) It’s a company started up by our flatmate’s father, who is essentially the boss of both his son and T. (I just don’t think family and business mix).
    f) For example, T is still on an hourly wage. But I think the boss’ son/our flatmate is now on a salary. This means he doesn’t really care if they don’t have work for a few days, as he isn’t affected. He’ll just take off on a fishing trip or something.
    g) T is adamant that they are serious about the business, but they haven’t even got around to registering with the Companies office, among other things.
    h) Our flatmate is what you might generously call a screwup. He says he’s learned from all his mistakes, but he really hasn’t. It’s only a matter of time..he’s not the brightest crayon in the box. And after two months, he still hasn’t even got around to getting the business cards printed up. That’s how he rolls.

    So for all this talk of really kickstarting the business, getting more contracts, getting more money, I’m sceptical. I know it’s only been a few months, but we can’t afford to keep on like this for much longer. I’ve told him we need to re-evaluate the situation, and he agrees – he wants to start looking for another job.

    A while ago I got my hands on a copy of Refuse to Choose: What Do I Do When I Want To Do Everything? by Barbara Sher (bear with me here, this is related). It casts light on those who the rest of us might call deadbeats or flakes; those who can’t settle down, those who bounce from job to job without committing. Sher says these people are Scanners, “endlessly inquisitive” individuals who are curious about many unrelated subjects with no desire to specialise in any. Rather than valuing money or “success” in the traditional form of the word, Scanners have their own “nectar” and once they get what they need out of a project, they’re ready to move on.

    She identifies nine types of Scanners, including the Sampler, Wanderer, Jack of all Trades, Serial Specialist, Plate Spinner and Double Agent. Whether you find yourself returning to the same things time and time again, or are always seeking new challenges, she offers advice on finding ways around that, balancing multiple interests and devising paths toward finding a career that works for you.

    When I hit the Jack of all Trades chapter, I knew we were onto something. Jacks don’t value career success. For them, what’s important is usually something in their personal life – family, music, whatever. For them, the “good-enough” job works and it works well. It works even better because they tend to excel at whatever they do and rise rapidly through the ranks. According to the author, these kinds of Scanners can literally do anything, and shouldn’t waste time chasing the mythical perfect job (odds are it doesn’t exist).

    You know what? That’s him! He’s quick to learn and has impressed people in everything he’s done. Athletics. The army. His two years in engineering and fabrication. Coaching kids sports. His university course (he now has uni entrance qualifications, should he decide to enrol in the future). He’s got an aptitude for cooking, for working with his hands, and just for learning in general. It’s almost annoying just how good he is at anything he tries.

    After wading through all that, I think I feel like I have a little more understanding of how he ticks. But at the end of it all, neither of us can help but feel the same as we did before: Why can’t he find something and stick with it?

    So: what advice would you give someone like him? Where should he look? What should he do?

  • February 4, 2010

    I need inspiration

    Among the list of bloggers I love is Chelsea. Read any one of her entries and you’ll understand why. Is it any surprise that she was voted most distinctive voice on 20SB?

    But I digress. Her latest entry nearly made me cry. We were right there with her, on the edge of our seats, we could nearly taste Japan and Ireland and hear that heinous ‘ra ra ooh la la’ refrain as she was literally thisclose to booking a gig with Lady Gaga.

    I am so in awe of her talent, of her drive and of her determination. I wish that I was a tenth as motivated. I wish I knew what I was going after, and was going after it with all of my heart.

    I need to work out what the hell I want, and I need to go get it. I need to live life, REALLY live it to the fullest, because I feel like I’m drifting with the current, waiting for something to happen, waiting for life to kick me in the butt, for something big to start. And I just can’t do that, because I don’t want to wake up and find ten years gone by and nothing changed.

  • January 22, 2010

    Blast from the past

    I don’t know about anyone else, but when I was a kid, having penpals was totally the cool thing to do. I had penpals in Warkworth and Gisborne, and then it got electronic – first I started writing to a girl in India, then in Australia, the States and Canada.

    I remember one of them in particular – a guy called Josh – who I spent all of my time chatting to on MSN Messenger and writing epic emails (virtually novels) back and forth with. We would include snippets of song lyrics in each exchange, both of us trying to outdo each other at being alternative and obscure (he won every time, seeing as I’d only just discovered the magic of music that, well, predated my birthday).

    And yet, every single one of those relationships petered out.

    Until I recently got a friend request on Facebook from my Gisborne penpal, after literally years of no contact. I remember nothing about her, save her full name and that she had a fairly large family. And I’m not even sure about that.

    So I hit ignore, with barely a second thought. For a moment I felt like I should feel bad about it, but honestly, I believe those relationships had a time and place. We never had anything in common, and we never shared anything of any importance with each other. I’d rather devote my energy to friendships with people I genuinely care about and wish that I saw more of.

    Friday’s outfit:

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