fbpx

Browsing tag: reflections

  • February 9, 2011

    Drawing parallels between money and music

    I’m a little pissed off and a little embarrassed. I’ve lost a bit of my mojo, musically and financially. The latter is fine; I just need to check in on my accounts more like every day, rather than once a week. The first is harder to deal with. There’s a lack of direction, because there are so many songs I want to learn and, let’s be honest, I almost always put in just enough time to pick up the sloppy basics before I’m off on another tangent. And then there’s pure frustration, because therefore I can’t seem to play anything cleanly and beautifully.

    Via Wikipedia

    I got to thinking about it, and the paths to getting pro at either actually have a lot in common.

    It takes time. Like any other habit, they both take time and practice. You won’t train your hands to work in unison overnight, or build toughness the first day you learn barre chords. This is the hardest part for me – putting in enough regular, raw time to maintain strength.

    No matter how much I save or how little I spend, I still tend to put off checking up on my bank accounts – and of course, the longer I procrastinate, the scarier the whole prospect gets. T can’t fathom how I can spend so many hours dealing to finances every month, but if I don’t, everything starts to spin funny, or at least that’s how it feels.

    It’s painful. If you play (any stringed instrument, probably), you know what I mean. Cramping hands and raw fingertips. Similarly, especially at first, it can be painful to see how much you waste on crap. It was only a few years ago that we could easily blow $50 in a weekend on nothing but milkshakes and sushi without thinking twice.

    It’s frustrating. Let the gat gather dust for a few days and start to lose your calluses and dexterity – and the worse it gets the longer you go without playing. (Course, the deeper your calluses, the more leeway you get – but you’re also less likely to take breaks in that case). Fall off the financial wagon and lose track of what you spend, and you’ll come back to a hot mess. Case in point: disorganisation was recently my downfall. I got $70 cash, and planned to spend it while putting $70 from my cheque account into savings instead. Of course, I didn’t do any banking for a week, and totally forgot about it; that $70 disappeared into the ether. Epic fail.

    It’s about finding tricks and methods that work for you. On the guitar, are many ways to play the same sequence – the same note can be found across different strings and frets. Find a new tab with a different pattern that’s easier for you, or improvise your own. Financially, the cash envelope system might be your saving grace…or it could be your worst enemy. Maybe you like having separate sub-accounts for various purposes. Find a software or spreadsheet that works for you. Not everyone is an Excel fan, and not everyone is comfortable having financial info online.

    But when you nail it? Finishing a week, fortnight or month in the black, or letting rip a blistering, pitch-perfect solo is so worth it.

  • February 3, 2011

    Waiting on your world to change


    {photo source}

    Do you ever feel like you’re always holding out for something? Hanging on, swinging from point to point – jungle gym style – and merely existing in between?

    Waiting til your partner finds a job.

    Waiting til you save $100, or $1000, or $10,000.

    Waiting for a job offer.

    Waiting for the end of a project, so you can move on.

    Waiting for a trip, a concert, a big event.

    Waiting for the next big milestone. The next big high.

    I’m know I’m guilty of it. I feel like I’m in limbo. The thing I’m waiting on may not even happen. But it wields a strange power over me. It propels to me put things off, to think twice, to say “what if?”

    It’s like traversing the rocks down at any rugged beach – leaping, clambering, shuffling – anyway you can, ungainly or graceful, just making your way from one to another, trying our best not to slip and fall in between. The end point, the next cove, is always just around the corner. But those moments of flux shouldn’t be forgotten. I certainly don’t think it’s realistic to live every day like it’s your last, but I don’t want days and weeks and, who knows, even months to slip away. The older I get, the quicker those sands pass through the hourglass. It feels like I’m wheeling out the rubbish bin every other day and buying tampons every other week.

    I want to be more present. This means I need to compartmentalise, to not constantly stress about the interviewee I can’t seem to reach for love nor money, to stop wasting time wondering Niue? Rarotonga? Some other island?, to shake up my routine more often with a date night like last night, where dishes, work and to-do lists were put aside entirely for one evening. To enjoy, to savour, to live.

  • January 31, 2011

    If you’re gonna brag make sure it’s your money you flaunt; depend on no one else to give you what you want

    <via>

    My dad once asked me what I valued most in the world. He asked me to write it down and give it to him. (He’s odd like that.)

    I never did. Not because I resented my parents (which was often true back then, let’s be honest) but because I really didn’t know.

    His earlier question was easy enough to answer. What is the most important thing?

    Love, of course.

    My brother went for Truth, by the way.

    But this one…I thought about it. And I could not come up with a definitive answer.

    A while later, he called me out on it. You never gave me a reply, he said. But I think I know what it is. You value your independence, more than anything else.

    The plan was always to leave home upon graduating from high school and starting university. I ended up leaving a year and a half before that. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t planned that way. It was messy, conspicuous and no doubt caused gossip among the neighbours. And a lot changed for me after that. To the casual observer, it might seem that I might as well just have moved back in.

    But it went much deeper than that. Barring major catastrophe, I know that I will never again live with my parents. I will do whatever it takes to stand on my own two feet. Even accepting a graduation gift (cash) from them was very difficult to come to terms with. I never ask for help  (and I am aware that is not always something to be proud of, by the way); I find ways to manage on my own.  I have given a lot to BF, but never to the point of jeopardising my own stability. A little part of me has an irrational fear of ending up on the street (although I know it won’t happen). It’s why I’m so set on having a solid emergency fund in the bank.

    Eventually, I realised he was right. The funny thing was, he knew me better than I knew myself. We may have very little in common, but some things, I suppose, are passed down.

    Independence. Essentially, that was, I think, the root of all our problems. The result: I became fully independent earlier than I bargained. And I embraced it. I was born for it. To make my own decisions, to answer to myself.

    Now I’m starting to wonder, can one ever be truly independent working for someone else? I love having a steady job, great colleagues, regular pay. I love not having to chase payments or seek out clients.

    I read a lot of blogs. Some touch on, or even focus on, escaping the 9-5 and lifestyle design. I’m also following a lot of blogs about freelancing, particularly in the writing field. At this stage, that’s not for me. In fact, freelancing is slowly starting to take up more and more of my time…and I’m going to have to draw a line in the sand.

    But increasingly I’m wondering: Should this be something I actively work towards? I’m not saying never, especially as I don’t know if I’d want to work full time when we have kids one day…but is putting most of my eggs in the employee basket going to hurt in the long run?

    What are your thoughts? Is working for a corporation ever the best answer?

  • January 20, 2011

    The ‘job-that-you-wake-up-excited-for’ propaganda

    job that you wake up excited for

    Modified CC image, original by Flickr user noodlepie

    I’ve got to say, I’m a little tired of people advocating for us all to go out and find our dream jobs. Jobs that you wake up excited to go to. Jobs that you sit bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night grinning about at the sheer thought of. Jobs that you would happily pay to do. (Don’t you know that nothing less will do?!)

    Surely I can’t be the only one who can’t think of a job that fits this description. No matter how awesome, ultimately a job is a job.

    I get disproportionately excited over little things. Dessert. (Heck, almost anything to do with good food). The way the sky looks at sunset. A good hair day. And these bursts of excitement are sharp, yet short. But I don’t actually wake up excited for anything, barring a concert or maybe a trip away somewhere. Least of all, work (although there are days when I can actually gush “I love what I do”). And yet, my job is, more or less, my ideal job. Meanwhile, I freelance ultimately not so much for the love of writing but for the experience and money.

    I “followed my passion”. So where is this soul-shaking, ear-to-ear grinning, electrifying feeling? Did I go wrong somewhere along the way? Or…is this increasingly popular concept simply setting the vast majority of us up for disappointment?

    I know the mantra goes “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”. I always knew I would work with words; that was what I enjoyed, and what I excelled at. But sometimes, the sheer fact that you are doing what you supposedly love, eventually takes away something from it. (This hasn’t really happened, but I feel sure that this would be the case with any other path. Heck, I fell so out of love with guitar I stopped playing for three years, because I made it too much like work. I got frustrated with my lack of technical progress and lost sight of why I started in the first place).

    Would I be happier doing something else on a day-to-day basis? No. And nobody would pay me for any of my hobbies either, be it amateurish baking or photography or travel. Sure, I could try to turn any one of those things into a job too, but why would I? That would suck the simple pleasure out of it. For example, I don’t want to rebrand myself as a travel writer; the places I want to go are, honestly, places other people have been to millions of times before and written about.  Also, I wish to enjoy my travels, not spend time thinking about story angles and making pitch after pitch. And becoming a location-independent nomad isn’t a lifestyle I want to pursue.

    It’s a little depressing when I talk to harried colleagues who are looking desperately forward to their next holiday (“As long as I’m not here!”). I’m not at that stage, THANKFULLY, and pray I never will be: but honestly, if I could choose to come into work only when I felt like it, you can bet I wouldn’t be there five days a week.

    I’ve said plenty of times that I can’t imagine what people do in retirement. I mainly said those things while I was a stretched-thin student with no time for myself. No time to rediscover doing things just for me, just for the sake of enjoyment. Going to a 40-hour work week has enabled me to live a much more balanced, healthy and sane life. I do get professional satisfaction through my work, but equally (and perhaps more importantly) I get personal satisfaction through the interests and relationships I devote my spare time to.

    I never thought I’d say this, but I think I could happily live the life of a lady of leisure, if such a lifestyle could be funded. I have so many books to read. Songs to learn. Movies to watch. Recipes to try. Places and friends to visit. I might work or volunteer a couple of days a week, and that would be enough for me. Doing exactly what I want, when I want. I don’t believe that’s in any job description, though 😉

    I may have veered a bit off topic here but I think you get the point I’m trying to make. Enjoying my work is important, but I know I’m not the only one who thinks that loving your job wholeheartedly is a bit of a myth. (And for those who might see fit to chime in with “why don’t you work for yourself instead?” I will point you here courtesy of Paranoid Asteroid.) I also value a job that I can mostly leave behind when I leave the office, stability, decent pay, low stress levels, autonomy and regular working hours. And if you’re one of the people like T, who hasn’t “found their passion” and have read Barbara Sher, you’ll be familiar with the concept of the “good enough” job, which pays well, doesn’t demand too much of you and allows you to pursue your interests in your spare time. And there is nothing wrong with that, either.

    No doubt there are plenty of people out there who loathe their work, and are stuck for one reason or another. I just wish the propaganda machine would tone down the selling of a somewhat unrealistic myth – Gen Y rhetoric, IMO, overstates expectations of the “perfect” job, which I find hard to swallow. (Don’t we already face enough pressures to create the ultimate existence – great friends, great love life, great sex life, great body, etc?) By all means, PURSUE THE DREAM, but don’t feel like a failure if it doesn’t actually have you leaping out of bed in the mornings and screaming from the rooftops every day.

    The form you have selected does not exist.

  • January 17, 2011

    Non-measurable goals (aka, not so SMART)

    A conversion of Image:Scale of justice.png to ...

    Image via Wikipedia

    It doesn’t feel that long ago I blogged about not knowing what goals to set.

    Last year was very much about making progress. Getting a firm footing financially and career wise. Sure, there was running and cooking and baking in there, but they were very much secondary concerns.

    I’m still cooking up concrete goals to replace my 2010 goals (which I’m pleased to say went swimmingly now that our anniversary is over) and am debating whether to post them now and edit them later, for reasons that will also be revealed later, but I’ve also realised something.

    This year I want to focus more on balance. You know how my tagline reads “Just trying to get some balance, and get ahead”? Yeah, it’s time to pay more attention to the former. And these are things I can’t measure.

    Music

    First, I want to rediscover my love of music. It was such a huge part of my life in my teens. When I could spend hours literally just lying back listening to a CD. When I had the radio on day and night, and literally would put on a playlist fo fall asleep to. When, instead of blogging, I wrote songs and book chapters. Then, you know, GROWN UP LIFE happened. I had other priorities and a hell of a lot less time.

    I want to devote more time to simply playing guitar. Not just learning songs, but also practising scales, strengthening exercises and other annoying riffs that must drive other people insane…and having headphones definitely extends the hours available to me, and eliminates the self-consciousness. I want to learn Incubus songs. Hendrix songs. Rage songs. Chilis songs. I wouldn’t mind finally being able to play standing up, but that’s unlikely to happen, and it’s not a priority for me. Although come to think of it, maybe I should just make it a rule that I can’t play sitting down; my posture would thank me.

    I also want to discover new bands. I feel like musically, I’m stuck in the mid-2000s, when I stopped watching music TV or listening to the radio. While my most favourite bands will most likely remain classic rockers and grungers, I always have room for new discoveries. (And they can come from anywhere – I’ll sing along to Fall Out Boy, Toni Braxton, Michael Jackson, Paramore, Mariah Carey…)

    Recommendations, please?

    Social

    So I talked about New Year’s. But I can’t pretend it was all perfect. What is it that compels seriously decent guys to pair up with spoiled bratty girls? Which leads to me think I really need to work on expanding my social circle, or being a little less judgemental of those I hold dear. I don’t mean not being smart and selective about those in my life; sometime ago I pledged to let go of bad seeds. But even good friends sometimes make choices I don’t like and don’t agree with. Nobody is perfect. Friendships take work. I need to simply accept what is, if I truly value the relationship.

    Cooking

    Oh, we’ve come a long way. These days we rarely buy premade sauces and gone are the days of rushed dinners of sausages and chips (shudder). I try to make sure there are always veggies at dinner. I actually care about the textures and colours of our meals, when I can be bothered.

    I want to bake more, learn more about spices, make more from scratch, eat even more veggies. Unlike what seems like half the blogsophere, I’m not setting an actual goal to eat less meat, or to go/stay vegetarian. I love me some juicy steak, bacon and a bit of chicken in my stir fries. But life is too short to eat dry or fatty roasts. More and more I find myself gravitating toward the vegetable components of certain dishes, and I’m embracing that.

    I want to get closer toward making every meal a pleasure, be it through the addition of a simple thing like lemon, like cheese or even chopped nuts (which lifted a recent spaghetti diner OUT OF THIS WORLD). Plus, if I can get my A into G, I might even post food pics from time to time.

    So, there you have it. These are the unmeasurable pleasures I want to make more of, for a happier, healthier, more-rounded me this year.

  • December 30, 2010

    Going forward

    a drawing of a 4 piece jigsaw puzzle

    Image via Wikipedia

    (I’ve just put up a new page, Top Posts, for new and semi-new readers.)

    Folks, it’s time to set some goals for 2011.

    This blog has always been a work in progress. Unless you’re totally dedicated and have combed my archives Red-style, you probably missed much of its evolution – from totally random reflections and non-hyperlinked links, through flatmate rants and uni woes, through my rather dull stint of weekly spending logs, to the mix you see today. I’d sort of hoped by now I would have figured out a really reflective blog name, got my own domain…basically be a bit further along this blogging journey. Alas, I’ve failed to come up with something better to replace this holding name (although I guess it’s marginally better than the first version, A Hotchpotch of Ramblings – that’s what you get when you start a blog on the spur of the moment one slow evening at work) and a revamp is not on the horizon. Guess you’re stuck with things as they are.

    Luckily, blogging about my goals in 2010 has definitely helped me keep them at the forefront of my mind, and keep me accountable: much more than any vision board ever could

    Which is why it really bugs me that I’m at a bit of a loss as to goal setting for next year. Initially I thought the financial ones were easy, but I may or may not be making a big change soon…so I can’t even set a savings goal yet.

    Travel-wise, I’m angling to go overseas for my birthday, and hopefully take a big trip towards the end of the year…or possibly in 2012. I also want to score a travel writing assignment.

    But beyond that, I’m stuck.

    I don’t want to set goals like an arbitrary number of books to read, songs to learn, servings of fruit/veg a day. Maybe monthly challenges – like the clothing challenge I did earlier this year – are the way to go.

    What goals are you setting for 2011??

  • December 29, 2010

    Reverb 10: Achieve

    What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

    I would really, really, really like to score a travel writing assignment.

    I would feel…nervous at embarking on a brand new challenge; elated at travelling somewhere new and without footing the bill myself; inspired to research the destination and imagine what the trip might involve; excited at the thought of seeing my name in print.

    As for 10 things that could elicit similar feelings today, here’s a few I came up with

    • Making a nice dinner for my parents
    • Running a 10k
    • Volunteering for a cause
    • Recording one of the songs I’ve learned recently
    • Getting down to business and finally setting aside an afternoon to make this pie.

     

  • December 27, 2010

    Reverb 10: Photo

    Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.


    July 6, 2010. It’s a Tuesday. My day off; he’s still jobless, so we have the day together. We usher in my 22nd year with lunch at Kermadec, a seafood restaurant on the waterfront (it’s not as swank as The Grove, but a lot swisher than the little ethnic places we usually frequent). The views are great – it’s airy and the lighting is fabulous. A spontaneous shot snapped by T turns out amazingly well. It’s me, with better skin and hair than usual. A little wry, a little self-conscious, a little awkward. No forced smiles or poses. It’s a moment of serenity, of getting away from everyday life, from stress and from worry, and back to the basics: the simple pleasure of dining.

  • December 23, 2010

    Reverb 10: Travel

    How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

    This year I didn’t do a heck of a lot of travelling. My schedule didn’t really allow for that, and I was focused on building up savings from my first year of FT work. Money was also tight for some months there while we went back to being a one-income household.

    In 2010, we crossed a couple of things off my travel bucket list. We booked a night at the Duxton in a spa room on New Year’s, and in February we spent a long weekend on Waiheke Island sunning, swimming and snorkelling. Bliss.

    In September, we went up to Waiwera overnight for T’s birthday. Stops were made to buy fresh scallops from a roadside vendor, fresh produce at the Matakana farmers’ market, and of course, relaxing in the thermal pools themselves.

    In 2011 I want to see more of my own country. Hot Water Beach, Tawharanui, the Kai Iwi Lakes, Mt Maunganui, and a trip around the South Island. But as I’ve said, the current plan is to focus more on one of the two big trips, America and Europe. We agree the South Island can be done anytime, really, and will be much cheaper than, er, a 20+ jaunt to the northern hemisphere.

    Here’s to realising big dreams.

  • December 20, 2010

    In the week before Christmas…

    A Danish Christmas tree illuminated with burni...

    Image via Wikipedia

    One. I happened to be watching the TV news the other night. One of the stories focused one of the newly redundant Pike River miners. He’ll be lucky to get a week’s holiday pay (the rescue operation is costing something like millions a day and the company can’t sustain that kind of drain) and he was auctioning off a rock from the mine. He called it a “charity rock” and hoped to make maybe $30-40 to help pay the utility bills. Bidders had already pushed the price up to $1000 though, and I hope it goes even higher.

    Two. T works with a bunch of people who mostly hail from a relatively low socio-economic area. Some of them have been there for years upon years, and are known to often take their big holiday paycheck, spend it all on gifts and food for Christmas day, and be left with nothing. Apparently they’ve even been known to complain abut not having enough gas money to get back to work. They’re damn lucky to have such a good boss, who is arranging for some of them to get food vouchers instead – and if he could organise for MTA vouchers to take to the petrol station too, he would.

    In the week before Christmas, I am thankful that T is getting a back paid raise, that I am getting a full 8 days’ leave (nothing planned except reading, baking, blogging, running, and other leisurely activities as I see fit; he unfortunately won’t get any time off), that we have never EVER been down to the bone and actually worried about putting food on the table or keeping the lights on.

    • Previous
    Next