I’ve just finished reading How To Be An Adult In Relationships, which a couple of people have recommended.
It was probably the wrong time to pick it up, as in months too late; and to be frank it didn’t meet my personal expectations overall. It got off to a slow start and I almost gave up but I’m glad I didn’t, as it improved from there. If it reinforced one thing for me, it’s how much our parents and childhood shape our ability to relate to others as adults…! There were definitely quite a few parts that spoke deeply to me, and I thought I’d share them here.
- Are you happy together more than half the time? Would you stay in a relationship with someone you loved if you were unhappy?
- Here are the words of an adult: “Even though ……… I have to let you go because you do not meet me at my soul/adult level.”
- We need conflict in order to evolve from romantic projection to mature self-affirmation.
- Am I in a relationship with someone who presses down on my lively energy like an incubus, an invisible yet nonetheless weighty presence? Why do I allow anyone to limit my energy?
- Ask for what you want 100 percent of the time. Say yes to yourself twice as often as you say no, but be willing to compromise.
- Sometimes it is necessary to let my feelings happen without acting on them. Sometimes holding is more important to my growth than releasing. This means surrendering control over my feelings and riding them where they may go or stay.
- Being compassionate does not mean becoming a caretaker. (And there’s an excellent chart contrasting the two)
- “How shall I proceed? Do I wait for her to change, or do I find a way to take care of myself and attend to my concerns using my own resources?”
This week’s links
On balancing saving and life (I can’t handle multiple goals at once either!)
Spending no more than $150 on food for five days ‘do-able but pretty miserable’ for family of six (we spend about this much for 2 people for a week and are reasonably frugal -we would struggle to pull this off even if we cut right back!)