All in the family

I’m not close to my family. I guess I used to be when I was very young, up till say 8 or 9. (I got all emo and depressed and lame after that.)
I would like to be now, now the bad blood has gone. But I’m enjoying life, its busy, its good, and it’s kind of exciting knowing I’m going to be finishing uni at the end of 2009, and I have a good job, and possibly plans after graduation to travel…it’s like I’m on the brink of something BIG. So I almost compartmentalise them out (family, I mean) mentally. It’s like, one of those things you have to attend to every so often (shave, self tan, water plants, take out bins, clean bathroom, go for a run, PARENTS)

We’re almost like strangers. I always do look forward to seeing them, as it’s not often we do, and catching up, but too often silence ends up dominating. I just don’t know what to say to them! Our lives are so different. I don’t really have much I feel I can share with them…they don’t know about BF, at least I haven’t told them, I have to watch I don’t accidentally swear in front of them, they were very anti drinking (perhaps less so now I’m legal), and yadda yadda.

I still occasionally think, on the bus or whatever, about the bad things that were said and done. But I think I have forgiven, though possibly not forgotten (obviously!). But the older you get, the more you come to realise that these things don’t really matter anymore. They fade over time. I wasn’t beaten or molested, and now that we’re all adults the dynamic is different – in a good way.

I don’t think we’ll ever be close. We’re very different, and we inhabit quite different worlds, and have totally different tastes and interests. My parents aren’t that close to their families either, particularly my dad.

Blood will always be important to me, though. I would help them however I could if needed. But it makes me sad to think my kids probably won’t be as close to them as I’d like. Sad that they won’t have close cousins to play with and go on holidays with. But they will have great relations on their dad’s side, well, maybe… at least three of their cousins will be a fair bit older! They already have three waiting for them, and I don’t plan on having kids for maybe 10 years….so they’ll be 10-17 years behind!

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