Remember how I blogged about essentially giving myself a pay rise? Well, I officially now have a new position too. To clarify: I changed my work schedule a few months ago and took on some new duties. Now, my pay and title have finally caught up!
I don’t know whether or not this was prompted by the universe in response to my looking elsewhere, but I also got a kick out of turning down the interview after news of the promotion.
Of course, this changes the dynamics of my relationship. I’m on the up, while T is still jobhunting. As we see it, the best options are for him to hopefully get an in at a good company – perhaps not necessarily in engineering but in anything that he could excel at and ideally has some interest in – and work his way up; or to go back to school. (The other path is just to get any job, and probably continue in that manner for years and years. Obviously that’s not the preferred route.)
Up until now, he’s been extremely lucky in his career, mainly due to contacts. But when that is stripped away, realistically, he has no qualifications and not a lot of work experience. And to make things worse, he’s never worked for minimum wage, and is used to making a decent hourly rate.
I now make enough to at least pay the bills, but at times I resent it. The only reason I’m making this much is compensation for working weekends; it’s not going to last forever and whatever I do next is almost certainly going to involve a pay cut. So while I can, I’d really rather be saving the extra money than using it to, well, keep us afloat. That includes paying out the nose for gas so he can go visit friends and family in our neighbourhood (something that’s a constant source of tension; I understand how boring it must be at home, but unless he’s doing something productive like driving to a job interview, there is simply no way to justify spending on petrol).
So I veer between frustration, resentment and guilt. Because really, if I hadn’t landed that internship three years ago, who’s to say I’d have a job now at all? I could be the one sitting at home combing job boards. There but by the grace of God, and all that. Am I being selfish – shouldn’t I be committed enough to see us through the hard times as well as the good? After all, I know he would give his last cent to help me out if the situation was reversed. That’s the kind of person he is.
I wonder if maybe he could venture into some sort of self-employment. While I’m hardly in a lucrative field, at least I have a couple of income streams, no matter how small. Along with mystery shopping, there’s my side gig (writing)
and tutoring (or rather editing and proofreading). Mine may not be skills that command big bucks but at least they’re somewhat marketable.
I am a great believer in things working themselves out, but it gets harder every day. The odds of obtaining a job that hits that magic trifecta: stimulating, fairly compensated and with room to grow – are slim. And there’s no use in going back to school without a clear idea of what to study. The whole topic is just so MEHGAHBLEH that I just try avoid it full stop – which is really not ideal.
How do you handle a situation like this?