Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
Like Amy, I have a few disparate social groups in my life. Let’s go backwards in chronological order. Lately, connecting more with coworkers outside of the office. A few girlfriends from uni, the kind I probably wouldn’t call first if I was stranded somewhere, but I’d catch up with over coffee or a drink and invite to my birthdays. My main crew from high school, although some of them are probably more T’s friends than mine (it’s complicated). My girlfriends from before that, whom I don’t see often enough.
At the risk of sounding like a total jackass, I find it hard to make connections. I have no idea how I made the friends I’ve made, actually. I’m generally hopeless with small talk. I find it so tedious talking to new people about my job, my relationship, explaining where I was born, retelling my life story, and all of that. I’m better at asking questions and showing interest in their lives. Sometimes I even do it well. But taking it beyond that initial stage and to the next level…I don’t know how to do it, and besides, how do you know if that other person even wants to?
I don’t mind not having a busy social calendar. Like I’ve said before, I like how I’ve got things set up. I like cooking dinner every night. I like not having to stay up till 3am doing freelance work like I did one night last week because we were out well past midnight. I like having the time to lose myself in learning a song and playing often enough to maintain calluses, or at least some toughness in my fingers, because starting from scratch hurts like a mofo. I like not wasting perfectly good food that’s gone off because we were barely home four evenings in a row. Weeks like last week are fun, but not all the time.
But yes, community is probably something I could use a little more of. People in Auckland. A professional community perhaps. Otherwise, the closest thing I’ve developed this year is a blogging community. PF and non-PF alike. I’ll definitely be hoping to meet up with some of you when I make it over eventually.
I liked reading about what you like in the second to last paragraph.
Thanks for posting!
I love your honesty about really not liking to talk to people about yourself. I really love talking to people, but sometimes I’m just like, “ugh, do I really have to explain ‘who i am’ and ‘what i do’ to a total stranger AGAIN?”
Finding the *right* community is key. Join in on other communities and if you don’t feel at home, then leave. Eventually you’ll just find your “people” and you’ll love talking about yourself 🙂
At least I hope I understood what you were trying to say here…
OMG I am so with you on small talk. I cannot do it. It is tedious and mind numbing. Get me on a subject I love and I can talk forever, talk about something unimportant or what I find uninteresting and I just can’t do it!
Makes it very difficult to get new friends for sure.
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