Not in a million years

I have decided one thing: Full body massages are not for me. They are equally as ticklish (and occasionally painful) as they are pleasant. I’ll stick to facials and back massages, thanks.

But lying there with my face in the hole, I got to thinking about jobs I could never perform.


Massage therapist. I just don’t have the strength and stamina. I get tired after about 10 minutes of giving T a backrub. Plus, it’s just very…intimate. Not my style.

Hairdresser. I cannot stand on my feet all day. I tell you, after a couple of hours at a concert, my back feels like it’s on fire. Imagine 8 hours of that!

Driver. Taxi driver, bus driver, chauffeur…anything that involves driving.

Sales. Nope. No way. Never.

Actor: I’m far too self-conscious, and not very good at pretending.

Anything that involves working with sick or injured people. Blood, wounds, dislocated limbs…I’m a wuss. You can probably also add to that anything that involves working with dead bodies.

How about you? Or do you think you could turn your hand to practically anything?

22 thoughts on “Not in a million years

  • Reply Sense March 16, 2011 at 19:03

    ‘Cept for the driving one (I looooove driving!) I completely agree on all counts. My last roommate is a massage therapist and the stories she would tell me about her clients…gross.

  • Reply Afford-Anything.com March 16, 2011 at 19:35

    Except for “actor” (I could TOTALLY be an actor, and I love performing onstage), I agree that I would have a tough time in all the rest of the jobs listed above.

    Also tough: teacher (dealing with kids all day! Fixed schedule and routine!), camp counselor (for the same reasons) and computer programmer or technician (writing code, troubleshooting I.T. problems … no thank you!)

  • Reply First Gen American March 17, 2011 at 01:40

    Lawyer – too much paperwork.

  • Reply Kim March 17, 2011 at 03:04

    Massage therapist, working with sick or injured people, brazilian waxer, hair dresser. Re hair dresser – I’d hate to have a job where small talk is mandatory, and you have to small talk your clients for ~45 minutes!!!

    Basically, I can’t do anything where I have to touch strangers. Oh, and working with kids, I don’t have the patience.

  • Reply Alotta Lettuce March 17, 2011 at 05:02

    I SO agree regarding massages. I really don’t care about having my legs and forearms massaged – I just want the sweet neck and back action. Feet too. One of my favorite things about my job is that we have a massage therapist come in and do chair massages every other week.

    Actually, she’s here today. Yahoo!

    As for jobs I could never do: Massage therapist, for sure. Same reasons. I could definitely be a hair stylist or make-up artist though, because I rock where both of these things are concerned.

    Actor? No way. CAN NOT pretend. Driver? Yes. I would so rock at driving for a living because I don’t get road ragey. I sometimes think being a taxi driver must be the most interesting job in the world.

    Other things I could never do: Doctor or nurse, because I’m not terribly sympathetic and would just tell most people to suck it up. Server in a restaurant, because I hate taking care of other peoples’ needs (another reason I couldn’t be a doctor or nurse), and Scientist of any kind, because I am shit at science.

  • Reply echoingmetaphor March 17, 2011 at 05:03

    My list is pretty much identical to yours + anything to do with feet (they gross me out!) and I could NEVER be a dentist/hygenist.

  • Reply Kara March 17, 2011 at 05:41

    I could never be an accountant, or anyone who has to work with numbers all day. Math is not my friend!

    And although I love animals, I don’t think I could be a veterinarian even though I wanted to be one when I was little. I couldn’t put down animals; I’d probably end up bringing them home, lol

  • Reply gem March 17, 2011 at 05:43

    When I get pedicures, I am extremely ticklish. Once, I accidentally kicked my pedicurist in my involuntary attempt to get away from her hands while she was trying to massage my feet/legs. She just laughed and said that it happens to a lot of people in the beginning and that I just needed to get more pedicures, and then I’d become less sensitive and ticklish about it.

    As for the job, I couldn’t do anything with blood or medicine. I get queasy just contemplating the fact that I have veins. But then again, I got used to the whole gushing blood out my V once a month, so maybe I could get over that queasiness, just like we might one day get over our ticklishness at massages…

  • Reply Emily Jane March 17, 2011 at 08:09

    I couldn’t do any of those jobs! Also, I’ve come to realise aesthetics of ANY sort would not be for me. My nail girl is fantastic, but thinking of quitting the industry (at 24!) because she’s hunched over all day painting people’s nails. I don’t think I could be an optician either – eyeballs freak me out too much.

  • Reply Fig March 17, 2011 at 13:29

    Haha, we are very similar. Except I did sales for a while. It was NOT fun for me. I don’t have the right personality for it.

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  • Reply The Asian Pear March 19, 2011 at 23:29

    For me…

    Nurse – I’m just… Not good at helping sick and old people and touching blood and whatnot.

    Engineering/Architect/Scientist – Seriously? You want me to play with things that’d explode or be built? I’m the person who once said, “5 + 2 does NOT equal 3 + 4” And I was serious at the time.

    Accountant – Same reasoning as above.

    Teacher – I’m likely to just yell out, “WOULD YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP?” ^___^;;

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  • Reply Clare - Never Niche March 30, 2011 at 10:17

    I used to work as a scheduler for a women’s clinic. One time a nurse had a bucket of iodine in the hallway and I thought it was blood and literally almost fainted. I crashed into the wall and then came to, realizing what it actually was.

    It’s funny now that it was awhile ago.

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