At the end of 2015 we’ll celebrate 10 years. But today it’s two years of being married. Year 2 has been fucking hard, thanks to all the curveballs life bowled at us. (If I hadn’t made those vows, I’m really not sure I could have stuck it out.)
Unemployment is the root of all evil. Financial stress is the worst. Everything builds on from there.
Is it sad that money (or lack of) could take such a toll on our relationship? Sure, but it’s not love that makes the world go round – it’s money.
Our opposite personalities normally complement each other, but during this time they put us at odds.
Emma Lincoln has it right. Fear is the problem. I was constantly stressed, and my body started coming to pieces in response. I was afraid, on a daily basis, for so long.
I’m still scared. Terrified that the curveballs are only going to come harder and faster in the future.
It would be cruel to have to endure another year like it. But anything can happen. More than one person has reminded me recently that ultimately much of your life is beyond your control, and grand plans are often going to be derailed. The rug could be pulled out from under us at any time, and I’m trying to be okay with that. (It so nearly was just the other week. The joys of temp life.)
I want to say that I feel hopeful about the future, but I’m reluctant to tempt fate (that is just asking for trouble) and thus, even though I’m feeling pretty happy on a day to day basis, that’s probably not going to be reflected in my writing. For now at least, as long as money’s coming in and I have a somewhat dry and warm house to live in, that can be enough.
On the plus side, I’ve finally got around to getting our wedding photos printed. Waiting on them to arrive. Hurrah!
So very glad to hear that you are happier!!!
Money stress really is just the worst in relationships. And now you know you can stick it out in hard times. Hopefully some understanding and compromises came from both sides, so that it is never such a threat again.
Congrats on your 10th year anniversary! I couldn’t agree more that money is a big factor in a couple. Once they don’t agree with this issue on money, expect the unexpected at the very least.
So sorry it was such a hard year for you! We are going through an unemployment stint right now too and it’s THE WORST. Luckily we are able to collect unemployment, and we’re actually fine money wise, but it sucks sucks sucks for Eric to not be able to work. I know he’s really bored and over it. Crossing my fingers and praying that something comes up for him soon. It really sucks because he actually loved his job and coworkers and was laid off because of the oil economy crashing over here 🙁
Sorry, year 2 sucked. Still, congrats on your anniversary! Unemployment sucks. My husband and I have never dealt with that, but I’m sure it’d be just like how you described. Our personalities were tested once by a major move he initiated. Money certainly was involved. We were at odds about how to go about it. My stability was tested, whereas the instability we were in was something he was used to growing up. I kept pulling him as if to say “I’m trying to instill stability and it’s better!”, while he was sort of saying “No, my way is better!”. That was a long time ago, but coming out of that took much longer. The emotional and mental bruises took so long to heal. It defined what we were like in times of stress. Neither of us liked those versions of ourselves, but like you, we stuck it out. That could have been an easy way out for either of us.
Yep, there were times that Tim’s and my financial stresses nearly broke us up. We were dealing with debt on $36k a year, with me unable to work and him missing days because of his own health problems.
Plus his ADD-ness. That actually nearly did us in a few times. Two or three months before the wedding, I actually did give him an ultimatum.
I can’t remember what it was I asked him to do — might have been something as small as his penchant for Slurpies, which adds up quickly when you have no money — or the wedding was off. That sobered him up.
To be fair, I was undermedicated for depression at the time. But I also had health problems and was in charge of juggling our finances. I didn’t need even more stress when he would spend $5 that we’d need at the end of the week.
Way to go on sticking it out. Like you said, financial stress is the worst because it’s based in fear. I’m slowly getting better at accepting things that are out of my control. Very slowly. I think I need to learn to enjoy long baths or something.