Browsing tag: reflections

So, apparently a guy I went to high school with has gone blind. A hereditary thing, but still a terrifying thing nonetheless.

Because I was a morbid type of teen with too much time on my hands, I used to like to ponder things like whether I would rather lose my sight or my hearing. I was hardcore into music at the time, and I never could decide.

Today, I would much rather be deaf than blind. Being blind would be incredibly limiting – I don’t know that I could work, really – and I’d lose the ability to read, my most favourite thing in the world. I’d be dependent on others around me, financially and in pretty much every other way.

That said, I have pretty terrible eyesight as it is, and my bad vision does not come cheap. Basic lenses cost $200 these days, and you can double or triple that for the thinner lenses that higher prescriptions require. (How high is mine? I’d almost rather tell you my bra size, so embarrassing is it.)

The worsening seems to have slowed, with my latest test showing changes mostly in my degree of astigmatism. This explains a LOT, like why I naturally lift my head when I’m straining to see something, or why the middle letters on the vision test were blurrier than those on the outside edges. I have fucked up curvature, let me tell you – one eye is 170 and the other at 2. I asked my optometrist why that might have changed, and she basically told me it was a mix of nature and nurture – genes and environment. My mother is also astigmatic, and I do a buttload of computer work – 8 hours plus a day due to work and play (probably close to 12 hours some days when I have a lot of freelance work on).

This summer, I went to relax outside on the deck one sunny afternoon, an aspiration cut short when I freaked out at the realisation there was a black spot dancing across the blazing red field of my closed eyes. One that didn’t dissipate no matter how much I blinked and that moved when my eyes moved. Some Google searches later, I resigned myself to the fact that this floater was yet another sign of aging and will be with me forever. My little friend was initially only really visible against light backgrounds, but now if I concentrate, I can sometimes see it against busier backdrops. Sometimes I freak myself out first thing in the morning thinking I can see a whole army of floaters, one resembling a flock of migratory swallows on the move. I’m pretty sure I’m imagining those.

My optometrist tells me I need to watch out for flashes of light, and get myself to a hospital quicksmart to avoid retina detachment and loss of sight. Heinous ex flatmate, the one who owes me nearly a grand, underwent a similar surgery some time ago. Now, there’s a part of me convinced the very worst is going to happen.

(Image via vlad on Flickr)

These holidays I’m republishing some old posts that newer readers might have missed first time around. Enjoy!

You know what’s crazy? Twenty-something life. I don’t know how people with families do it. I have had this massive running to-do list since changing jobs, and unfortunately, am relying on T to help cross off a lot of those things. Let’s just say that is making progress verrrrrrrrry slow. It’s really frustrating me at the moment, and while I know I’m letting it get to me more than it should, I JUST WANT IT ALL OFF MY PLATE.

Image via Wikipedia

Sometimes it seems like everybody else has their life so much more together than I do. Full social calendars. Great flatmates. Great wardrobes. Great fitness levels. But look a little closer and it’s clear – as I already know – that you can’t give 100 percent to to your work, to your relationship, to your friendships, to your fitness, to your finances, to your hobbies and to your diet every single day. Those priorities have to shift from day to day and focusing too hard on one area for too long isn’t sustainable.

I think I’m in the minority in that I act kind of older than I am, because I’ve been on my own since 17 and quite honestly, I just want a calm, quiet life. Especially when you’re female. I was recently talking to someone (male) who happily admitted to not having a lot of close friends, and didn’t sound especially sad about it – while I feel the same way, I feel like I should almost be ashamed that I’m not going out every night of the week.  Being around people generally drains me, and when things aren’t going well, I tend to retreat and would rather be left alone than talk to anybody.

For me, three things are key to preserving my sanity:

Sleep. Self-explanatory. I’m sure I could be much productive if I was the kind who could get by on 5 hours a night, but you can’t fight nature. Likewise, I’m never going to be a morning person, so I work to my strengths.

Me time, aka downtime. Where I don’t have to be around people – and plenty of it. Where I can play guitar, read, blog, watch movies, clean the house.

Food. One of the quickest things to go down the drain is often home cooking. But it makes me really unhappy if I can’t come home at a decent hour to make and eat a proper dinner. For me, making time to cook from scratch, bake delicious treats, and savour the eating process is non-negotiable. I’m also planning to do more cooking in bulk: that means fewer dishes during the week and gives us leeway on later zombie nights.

How do you deal when life gets overwhelming?