How to get burgled, JAFA style

(For those not in the know, Jafa = Just Another Fxxcking Aucklander)

Guys, lock your doors. Seriously. I don’t care where you live or how nice your neighbourhood is. Just trust me, okay?

Lord, I haven’t felt this stupid or sheepish maybe ever. It really sucks when you take full responsibility for something so basic, so elementary, that in fact I have decided not to admit to what happened. Except to you lovely blog readers, obviously.

So, um, there’s no need to beat me up for my foolishness, yeah? I’ve already flagellated and lamented.

ANYWAY. Should you wish to ignore the above at your peril, here’s how to do it.

Sleep late. Contemplate calling in sick for a second, but realising you’re more or less better and don’t have the luxury of sick days to waste.

Rush out, trip over the step, shut the door, but decide there’s no time to fuss with key finding etc. Run for bus.

Come home to open door and billowing curtain. Thankfully you haven’t been cleaned out. Just a couple of conspicuous gaps where the TV and laptop were.

Laugh hysterically at the fact that your cosmetic bag was also inexplicably taken. Sorry punks, I don’t do jewellery, and all you’ll find is a purple plastic soap holder in there.

Scoff at the crackheads who didn’t take this, this, this, this and this, while being very grateful for the oversight.

Fume at the fact that your most recent financial info is gone. So much for October Type-A-tracking. Looks like that will be shunted over to November instead.

Feel ashamed that thieves saw house in this state. The I’ve-been-bedridden-and-nobody’s-cleaned-in-a-week-state. Clothes and towels are on the floor. Rubbish and recycling piled up in the kitchen. God knows what all over the floors.

Realise what a parlous grip on reality you actually have. Order pizza.

25 thoughts on “How to get burgled, JAFA style

  • Reply Stephanie October 24, 2010 at 18:32

    Oh No!!

    So sorry to hear you’ve been burgled! For the laptop/financial papers, are you concerned about ID theft? Did you file a police report?

  • Reply Sense October 24, 2010 at 18:43

    Oh No!! How terrible! I think most of us can relate–we’ve all taken a risk before and left something unlocked because we couldn’t be bothered the few seconds it takes.

    I leave my keys outside my door in a ‘hiding’ spot when I go running…I’m always worried that someone is going to take them and clean us out. This is a good reminder to me to not let ANYthing slide and to have a better system/hiding spot!

    Do you have renter’s insurance? I think it covers these situations in the States…

    Stupid thieves. Small comfort, but karma will pay them back.

  • Reply gem October 25, 2010 at 04:22

    Oy! That sucks. A lot. Cute that you were worried about them having to see your place so messy though, hehe.

  • Reply FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com October 25, 2010 at 05:09

    OH I am SO SORRY…

    I’m happy they didn’t trash the place at least, some do that. 🙁

  • Reply Ashley October 25, 2010 at 06:10

    Ah, oh no. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you can get the missing items replaced without too much trouble.

  • Reply Jane October 25, 2010 at 06:56

    I’m so sorry! That is awful.

  • Reply Amanda October 25, 2010 at 11:23

    Oh god that’s terrible. 🙁 Do you have contents insurance? It’ll be a real bitch replacing the big ticket items without it…:(

  • Reply findingserenity2010 October 25, 2010 at 11:25

    wow, that’s truly horrible! I myself live in a pretty bad area, and I’m sure it’s just a matter of time … anyway, I hope you had insurance, but I know nothing really can buy you back your peace of mind 🙁 best wishes

  • Reply Aspiring Minimalist October 25, 2010 at 12:21

    That’s terrible! 🙁

    I’m glad that you and T are safe, though. Hope things get better!

  • Reply Scribbles October 25, 2010 at 13:38

    Awww that sucks… SB is totally paranoid about security but when I hear about this kind of stuff I’m kind of grateful that he is. Hugs!

  • Reply nicoleandmaggie October 25, 2010 at 14:30

    Oh no! How horrible! I’m glad they didn’t completely clear you out.

  • Reply Serendipity October 25, 2010 at 16:44

    Oh my goodness. I’m so glad your okay and that only a couple things were taken. That is horrible but again, I’m glad you and T weren’t hurt. 🙁

  • Reply Revanche October 25, 2010 at 17:18

    Ahhh crap that STINKS! I’m sorry about that. I hope your personal info was password protected? I password-protect my computer because I have a fear of that very scenario occurring myself.

  • Reply me in millions October 26, 2010 at 01:09

    Ugh! I’m sorry this happened to you!

  • Reply First Gen American October 26, 2010 at 02:00

    When we got burgled in college, the thieves took a dump on our doorstep..Then came back 2 weeks later and did the same thing. We didn’t feel safe after that and moved. I’m sorry, how horribly violated you must feel.

  • Reply littlehousesouthernprairie October 26, 2010 at 09:02

    Sucks. Seriously sucks. Sorry this happened to you. And glad you’re AOK.

  • Reply Aloysa October 26, 2010 at 09:29

    OMG! This is so awful that I don’t even kow what to say. What matters is that you are okay!

  • Reply Stephany October 26, 2010 at 12:33

    Oh, my gosh! That’s horrible! I hope you can get everything replaced, and I like your approach to it. 😉

  • Reply Airam October 26, 2010 at 13:57

    That really sucks about your place. I’m impressed that you have such a good sense of humour about it though…

  • Reply LindyMint October 27, 2010 at 05:56

    Seriously, what are the chances? My car was once broken into, they made a hole in my car door and jacked up my side window to steal two CD’s. But they left the car stereo.

    I’m glad you didn’t fare worse. And I’m pretty sure they weren’t judging the state of your house…or if they were, shame on them.

  • Reply unknowntheartist October 30, 2010 at 22:38

    Sorry this happened to you, EE. Luckily, they weren’t there when you returned home. It could have gotten really scary and we’re all glad you and T are safe. Good on you for taking the step to getting contents insurance beforehand too. It might take a bit out of the budget but it’s mighty worth it in the end.
    Hope things get sorted and back to normal for you soon enough.

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