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  • Thank you, Steve Jobs

    Every so often, you get a little too settled, a little too comfortable, a little too complacent in life.

    You need a little electric shock to shake you out of it and to refocus your gaze from the road immediately ahead, to the bigger picture.

    I got that jolt this week.

    Thank you, Steve Jobs.

    You know, the first computer I ever remember using was a Macintosh.

    Nonetheless, after we moved to New Zealand, my family never owned anything but PCs. I grew up a PC girl. I owned an iPod, briefly, but didn’t use it all that much. I do use a crappy old MacBook at the office, and a work-issued iPhone. I’ve never purchased an Apple product, and I’m unlikely to do so anytime in the near future.

    Nonetheless, I have immense respect for Apple. Apple is a truly design-led company and makes beautiful, functional products (even if I won’t pay their premium). And Steve Jobs’ story is one of the most inspiring out there. On paper, this was a man who had nothing going for him. Yet this week a world mourned his passing.

    I teared up watching his 2005 Stanford speech as I pulled together coverage of his death at work this week, and again browsing through photos of him in his thick-haired, hippie prime, glowing with health – comparing it to the image I have of the lean, greying middle-aged man from the past few years.

    Like most intensely-driven people,  his work was his life.

    “The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”

    Is this like an orgasm? Will I really, truly, know?  This is something I struggle with.

    Maybe I’m a little more pragmatic. I say no to the soul-sucking job. But I also say no to starving with artistic integrity. My fear of destitution vastly outweighs my fear of personal unfulfilment. Thankfully, I have a more-than-happy middle ground, for which I feel extremely lucky.

    Maybe one day a project that burns me up will manifest itself in my life. Or maybe what serves as an all-consuming passion for Jobs and countless other entrepreneurs is simply a steady, comfortable hum for me.I don’t know.

    But I do agree wholeheartedly with this:

    “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

    And my favourite quote of all:

    “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

    Trust that it will all work out. Words to live by.

    Am I living the life I want to live? Yes. But I can do better. You can always do better. And I have to keep striving to knock those goals off my bucket list.

    How about you?

  • Wedding planning: Individualism vs traditionalism

    Wedding Dress For Happy Couple in Love

    Image by epSos.de via Flickr

    I knew when Rachel Hills announced her intention to start a wedding planning series on her blog that it was going to be good.

    I couldn’t have anticipated just how good it would be.

    See here? She admits to fully intending to penning a post about how she would be handling typical wedding traditions – and outlining which ones they’d be skipping. But did she? No. And why not?

    Because it feels like justifying.

    Planning a somewhat non-traditional wedding, she says, has made her more sympathetic to traditional brides.

    After all, it’s a hell of a lot easier. The path of least resistance. The way is already more or less laid out for you.

    Tradition is so deeply ingrained. I’m totally happy to answer questions about my choices – the few that I’ve made, seeing as I’ve barely dipped a pinky toe into the planning waters to date – but at the same time, a small part of me feels like simply screaming “BECAUSE I WANT TO!”  They just don’t seem like a big deal to me.

    Isn’t that what it comes down to? Planning an event that has personal meaning to you? Why I might choose to skip flowers – because I’ve never cared for them, they’re fussy, and make me sneeze. Why I will probably skip a live band – because I know exactly what songs I want played, and unless our drummer friend volunteers his band to cover our playlist, which runs from Clapton to Queen to Buble to Elton to Kylie to MJ to JT (and I doubt any band could do the entire list justice), I’m more than happy to run an iPod.

    But yes, it feels like each ‘different’ choice must be defended.

    As Rachel puts it:

    This is weird, because in the process of actually planning a wedding, none of these issues have worried me in the slightest. Feel like my name is integral to my identity? Keep it. Don’t like the whole “here comes to the bride, isn’t she beautiful” thing? Walk down the aisle with Mr Musings to keep the attention evenly divided. Like white? Wear a white dress. Prefer not to imply a woman’s greatest achievement in life is getting hitched? Don’t do a bouquet toss. Don’t like arbitrary gender divisions? Have a mixed gender bridal party and hen’s do/bachelorette.

    Creepily enough, everything she cites there applies to me as well.

    It’s not as if I’m shunning everything traditional. It’s not like I’m having a picnic in the middle of the woods and exchanging rings we smithed ourselves and arriving on Ducatis. I actually do want to wear white, because it looks good on me. I do want to say the normal vows. (I think writing your own vows is one of those things that sounds like a good idea in theory. Then you get older. And you realise that you’re really not that shithot of a writer, and that everything has already been said before, and either you try for something super mushy but original (in which I would fail on the delivery) or something funny (I promise to love and cherish you even though you are a raging bitch if one minute overdue for a meal and have terrible morning breath) that just sounds silly on such an occasion.) But I don’t want to be given away, to do a father-daughter dance, to wear a plain ring, heck, to be obliged to do any dancing at all.

    It’s a weird place to occupy, this grey zone.

    Married/engaged peeps. Did you go the fully traditional route? How did you let your personality shine through? Or did you say feck it all and let’s elope (and how did that work out?)

  • Tuesday Tunes: The soundtrack

    As in the soundtrack for our eventual wedding. Yep.

    You are privileged indeed.

    First off, I want to walk down the aisle to Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You, just as the brass starts.

    I know, I know. There are so many great versions. The original…the Muse version… the Heath Ledger version, which is especially close to my heart. I see him and Julia Stiles in that movie – one of the first I ever saw at the cinema – as a precursor to Jessica and Marcus in the Sloppy Firsts series (how good would they have been to play the characters in a film adaptation?). In turn, I see Jessica and Marcus as having so many parallels to me and T for a host of reasons.

    So I told him this. To which he responded: “Why can’t you just be NORMAL?”

    I thought you knew who you were marrying, boy.

    I was never going to go for Here Comes the Bride, was I? (It’s a bit overdone…) Fun fact: in our early semi-courtship, for some reason, I found myself humming that tune quite frequently when we were together. I still have no idea why.

    Also to feature, though in what order I haven’t given any thought to yet:

    Spandeau Ballet – True
    Mudvayne – Happy
    Kylie Minogue – Love at First Sight
    Aerosmith – Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing
    Th’ Dudes – Be Mine Tonight
    Eric Clapton – Layla
    Queen – Crazy Little Thing
    Train – Drops of Jupiter
    Jason Mraz – Lucky
    Heart – Crazy on You
    Elton – Tiny Dancer
    Elton – Your Song
    Michael Buble – Everything
    Stevie Wonder – Isn’t She Lovely
    Lionel Richie – Hello?
    Lionel Richie – All Night Long
    Bon Jovi – Livin’ on a Prayer
    Jet – Are You Gonna Be My Girl
    Van Morrison – Brown Eyed Girl
    Beatles – Twist and Shout
    U2 – The Sweetest Thing
    Goo Goo Dolls – Iris
    Vanessa Williams – Saved the Best for Last
    Goodshirt – Sophie
    Whitney Houston – How Will I Know
    Janis Joplin – Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart
    Damien Rice – Cannonball
    Michael Jackson – You Rock My World
    Paramore – The Only Exception
    Savage Garden – Truly, Madly, Deeply
    Powderfinger – My Happiness
    Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart
    Seal – Kiss from a Rose
    Richard Marx – Right Here Waiting
    Foo Fighters – Everlong
    Guns n Roses – Sweet Child O’Mine
    JT – My Love
    JT – Love Stoned
    Elton – The Way You Look Tonight

    Also (and no, this is not a pisstake; I grew up in the age of boybands)

    NSYNC – It’s Gonna Be Me. Hell yes.

    (Full playlist here. Another privilege – my YouTube account, for what that’s worth, which isn’t a whole lot.)

  • What we spent: September 2011

    Wow. I don’t think our graph has ever looked anything like this before!

    Let’s get stuck in.

    Bus – Right on track.

    Car maintenance – It was karma. T gave me such a hard time about running the battery flat and denting the car all in one day, the next week he took out one of the front headlights. Boom, $80 for a replacement.

    Clothes – $67.50 for drycleaning our winter coats, plus a couple of singlets for him.

    Dining out – Yikes. There was a big Mexican dinner out. T’s birthday. And a few too many of those $10 here, $10 there fast food purchases that added up.

    Entertainment – Tickets to food festival Taste of New Zealand, plus to Coro Gold for New Year’s.

    Food and groceries – Feeling pretty good about this, especially considering the ridiculously expensive ingredients we bought in the first week for a dinner party. Win.

    Health – Dentist checkup and clean.

    Holidays and events – Food and booze for a party celebrating three birthdays in T’s family at once.

    Motorbike – Petrol plus $500 odd in tuneups and new parts.

    Tax – I owed tax. I’ve paid it. Let’s move on.

    T fun – Too high. Grr.

    T lunch – Lunches are always tricky. I make him some, which on some days aren’t enough for him, or on others, he simply won’t touch. That food goes uneaten for days, or not at all. Talk about wasteful. And he still ends up spending money on lunches. This month we went back to a straight lunch allowance, like we used to do in the old days.

    Utilities – Same as always.

    Vehicle – $287 was for a year’s registration. Otherwise, not too bad on petrol considering it was a five-week month.

  • Link love (Powered by eggplant and impotent fury)

    • Eggplant is officially back in season. WOOT.
    • Why does dealing with the IRD have to be such a convoluted process? Their new online system helps…but not much.
    • Cars are expensive. Damn moneypits. At least this one – being by far the newest we’ve ever owned – is yet to leave us stranded anywhere (barring the time I ran the battery flat) and things like doors, windows, seatbelts etc all work properly, but maintenance is not saving us any money.
    • What role do decency and morals have in the business world? Ponder and discuss.

    WORK

    Is following your passion a luxury? Via Consumerism Commentary.

    Wise words from Candace Nelson at I Want Her Job – test your interest to make sure you want to pursue it as more than a hobby.

    Pretty Young Professional reminds us to network with colleagues, and not just people outside your office.

    Want to make more money? Better brush up those skills, then, says Serendipity.

    Susannah Breslin on learning to be a hustler.

    MONEY

    Hilarious! So Over Debt on why PF bloggers shouldn’t date each other.

    Thousandaire argues a bad economy is good for paying down debt – and that wealth is not ungodly.

    Also, check out this (rather poorly-written) story about a survey on Kiwi household finances that I took part in a little while ago.

    LIFE

    Financial Samurai explains how to get a rental property in a hot market and fighting burnout.

    Cate Linden on cultivating a childhood love of reading.

    Miss Prairie Eco-Thifter’s tips for living in a way that benefits the greater good.

    20 and Engaged wonders if being married puts pressure on other couples around you.

    On APW: Do I have to use the word husband? (Personally, I hate the word wife – I think it’s hideous. I’m okay with husband.)

  • 100 in ’11: Gilmore, Ancowitz and Franzen

    Something Red – Jennifer Gilmore

    Summary: The poignant tale of one extremely socially and politically aware family set on the cusp of a new decade as the Cold War rages and punk finds its feet.

    Something Red functions as an exquisite portrayal of one Jewish-American family’s experience. Gilmore seems equally at home tackling adolescent angst as middle-aged discontent; she tenderly and non-judgementally introduces us to to a pair of former radicals, their larger-than-life parents, their sex-obsessed jock son and bulimic daughter. Each is deeply unhappy and troubled in their own way; Dennis is trapped in a career he’s losing faith in, Sharon joins a cult-like group in search of fulfilment, Ben feels no higher calling in life and Vanessa despises her own body. The author jumps from character to character, timeframe to timeframe, meandering along threads of memories and following them to the end.

    Ultimately, however, I felt that apart from their children – who were just beginning to really grow – the  none of the older Goldsteins were going anywhere – and that’s frustrating in a novel. The end in particular baffled me. Some twists are good. Others come out of left field and seem to serve no purpose, like this one.

    Freedom – Jonathan Franzen

    Summary: The up and downs and  life and times of one midwestern family set against a Bush-era backdrop.

    While I would shave a sliver of a star off this for the freaky and frankly disturbing phone sex passage, Freedom is a modern masterpiece. For those fascinated by human psychology, this novel is full of lushly imagined, fully-formed and deeply flawed characters to get your teeth into.

    There’s selfless environmentalist Walter, who ends up taking a job with links to coal and oil; superjock turned (un)happy housewife Patty; Walter’s best friend and musician Richard who apparently looks like Gaddafi (which to my mind isn’t a plus) but has some kind of hypnotic pull on Patty, complicating his already volatile relationship with Richard; ruthless son Joey who just may turn out to have a heart and consience; and daughter Jessica, who actually doesn’t get any page time of her own. Perhaps most interesting of all, though, was Connie, Joey’s childhood love and eventual wife, who’s deeply intriguing for all her instability and coolness (but like Jessica, is relegated to the sidelines).

    It seems to me that Franzen intuitively understands, but doesn’t necessarily like, human nature. Which turns out to be a good thing. Freedom’s timeline is fluid, moving back forth as it does between characters’ viewpoints and moments in time, but in this case it works – I’d go as far as to say it was unputdownable. This is realism, pure and simple: ugly and frustrating but thankfully ultimately redemptive.

    Self Promotion for Introverts – Nancy Ancowitz

    Summary: A reminder that it’s perfectly okay to be introverted, with some generic tips on making the most of it.

    I had big hopes for this book, but ultimately, there is no magic solution. I did enjoy her introvert vs extrovert lexicon (which I lifted a few lines from here), tips for public speaking (applicable to everyone) and suggested questions to ask in job interviews (the more unique ones being to do with mission, values, and how the company is doing against its objectives).

    Ancowitz’s guide is interesting and fairly practical, peppered with anecdotes from both introverts and extroverts for colour (most entertaining are her vignettes about approaching famous people for quotes, particularly Bill Clinton) but there’s nothing mindblowing to be found. In fact, there was nothing especially new that I haven’t seen elsewhere in books or online. And while it was published fairly recently, the trouble is of course that things are moving so fast in the digital space that the social media chapter already feels awkwardly dated. Ultimately, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert or something in between, it comes down to playing to your strengths, being authentic, and persevering.

  • Tuesday Three

    • This is the future of banking and personal finance. Now, when are you coming to New Zealand?!
    • And this might be the future of term deposits. Investit lets you input how much you have to invest, then emails you the best options from either banks, non-bank providers, or both, depending on what you prefer. If any bids catch your fancy, you can then apply via the website (if supported) or else it will link you to the financial institution’s own site. Takes all the hard work out of it.

    • Result: I now have $10k in a 4.4% term deposit, another $2-3k in other deposits, and the rest of my cash in online savings accounts. My main concern was finding somewhere to park my travel fund, as it won’t be touched for a minimum for six months – and more likely much, much longer – and I got a sweet 5-month rate. Oddly enough, some of the shorter term deposits were offering higher returns than the longer ones, which no doubt has something to do with lending at the other end but that I don’t see enough reason to research right now.

    All in all, finances have me pretty psyched this week. Will it last?

  • Are coupons harmful to a brand’s value?

    Let's Deal, Swedish Daily Deals Kickstarts By ...

    Image by paulamarttila via Flickr

    A coupon culture isn’t something we have much of here. While in the US crazy couponers get their own show and savvy bloggers get groceries and pharmaceuticals for mere cents, we don’t have ANY of that. There literally are no coupons to be had. Unless you manage to find something worthwhile on ezycoupons.co.nz or vouchermate.co.nz – which is pretty unlikely – most likely any vouchers or discounts available to you will be through something like the Entertainment Book or daily deal sites.

    I don’t really understand why people are still rabbiting on and debating about daily deals, to be frank. It’s pretty simple. Use your head.

    • Use those vouchers straight away or make notes in your calendar to do so.
    • Buy deals that you will actually use.

    Now, I like saving money. I think I’m a pretty successful voucher user, to the extent that I’ve dipped my foot in the water. The Entertainment Book is great because it means I can try new restaurants that I was already interested  in, but wouldn’t want to pay full price for. It means on the rare occasion we go out to weekend brunch (every couple of months) there’s no need to pay $20 for a big breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast and hashbrowns each, because we have our pick of excellent cafes with 25 or 50 percent discounts. It means saving moolah at the cinema, the driving range and the video store (although when will we ever learn that that’s NOT a good idea? We never manage to return DVDs on time, hence why we pay for Sky Movies).

    In terms of daily deals, I have much the same MO for dining offers – places I know and love, or have piqued my interest, or other offers I know will get used (see above about movies, etc). Because I don’t have back problems, I don’t need massages or therapy – but they’re nice every once in a while. And thanks to the dozens of deal sites available to us, I’ll never pay full price for them. (And they’re a pretty awesome, relaxing gift to myself and T on occasions like our anniversary instead of trinkets.) I have wasted one deal to date (I think it cost about $20 or 30), and that was some kind of spinal examination for T, who wimped out and decided he’d rather not be prodded and is happy barrelling along not knowing exactly how bad his back is.

    But as much as I like saving dosh, I get awful coupon guilt. It seems a little bit … tacky? It’s all just a little bit awkward, or so it feels – especially with those hideous A4 web printouts you get, handing those over and walking away because it’s all been pre-paid. Anyone else ever feel that way?

    Coming at it from the other side of the fence, it seems that aside from all the other potentially negative effects  for a business – losing money on a deal, being swamped with customers and unable to give them the usual level of service – it can also diminish their brand value.

    Spa and beauty therapy places, in particular, seem to all be busy undercutting each other in a race to the bottom. As a consumer, I don’t care – I just want the best deal. But that seems unsustainable. Surely that service industry can’t survive long-term doing that.

    A lot of the vendors (and really I’m just talking restaurants here, as that’s more my area) I have huge respect for would never get involved, because they’re just such niche ethnic eateries – and they’re usually popular enough not to need to. And you’ll never see the haute cuisine establishments stooping to that level. But how would you feel if somewhere you regularly frequented started putting out cutthroat daily deals? Would you think less of them? Feel cheated?

     

  • 100 in ’11: Donoghue, Marquez and Fitzgerald

    Room – Emma Donoghue

    Summary: Reminiscent of recent high-profile kidnapping cases, Room centres around a mother and child who live in a single contained room. After a harrowing escape, they struggle to acclimatise to normal life.

    Perverse as it may sound, I greatly enjoyed the first part of this book. Child narrator Jack, who has never known anything else, sleeps in the closet, refers to items in the room as proper nouns (Door, Table, Duvet),  lives mainly off canned food, makes toys out of pasta shapes, cardboard rolls food scraps and desperately seeks companionship in the form of a mouse and an ant.

    At this stage I have to say what a trooper his mother is; I can honestly say if this were to happen to me, I wouldn’t have coped anywhere near as well as she did. Their daily and weekly routines are achingly poignant – every day they do Scream, which involves standing up to the skylight and yelling as loudly as they can, and Phys Ed, a choice of numerous activities devised by his mother to keep them from wasting away. In the mornings he goes to his mother to “get some”, a kind of creepy reference that didn’t become clear to me until much later on. Some nights Old Nick comes to visit, and Jack counts the number of creaks the bed makes as he falls asleep.

    It’s when it comes time to plot their escape that things get really harrowing, and their subsequent struggle to acclimatise to the outside world is painful to follow. But the ending is pitch-perfect, and I closed the book with a smile on my face. You never learn Jack’s mother’s name, and that makes it difficult to get a sense of her as a person – but her love for her son is evident. Some have criticised Donoghue for not telling her side of the story; I think this is a much more delicate narrative choice. It portrays her as almost a Madonna figure, not just a girl robbed of her youth and forced into sex slavery, and ultimately I saw this as a triumph, not a flaw

    Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

    Summary: Meandering tale of some kind of love across the decades.

    The greatest love story ever? I was, and still am, sceptical. To be honest, Fermina never seemed all that keen on Florentina, and he in turn barely knew her, but developed a fair obsession nonetheless. Their young affair consists of love notes left in strange places around the small Colombian seaside town where they live, and lasts maybe a year. After she breaks things off with him, she goes on to marry a rich doctor, and Florentina proceeds to watch from afar as their lives play out over the coming decades.

    While she becomes a bit of a desperate housewife, he takes on the role of playboy very willingly. In that time he has 622 sexual affairs, including a disturbing last fling with an underage girl whom he had guardianship of. This, ultimately, was what sickened me most (to say nothing of what happened after their affair ended). Once Fermina’s husband dies, Florentina pursues her once more (you gotta admire his tireless perseverance) – although whether what they have is love baffles me. But perhaps with age that’s what happens – the definition of love evolves, something I think Marquez conveys very effectively.

    The Beautiful and the Damned – F Scott Fitzgerald

    Summary: In the world of socialites and trustfunders, one turbulent marriage goes nowhere fast as the couple await their inheritance. A tale of excesses, of aimlessness, of wasted talent.

    A novel in which not a lot happens, because there’s not a heckuva lot to the characters – again, such hateful ones! The mere concept of doing nothing but party while waiting for your grandfather to die so you can get your mitts on his millions, and constantly playing on your family name is abhorrent to me. Yes, Fitzegerald writes beautiful prose. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to sway me. Rich, unhappy people I can do. Rich, unhappy people who squander their money, time and potential – who have no ambitions, no desire, no meaning in life – I simply cannot get into. In short: lovely craft, intolerable non-plot.

  • Link love (Powered by the written word and calls to action)

    I really need to stop saying we’re househunting, and say we’re flathunting instead – if you’re my age and not actively planning your OE, it seems everybody thinks you must be on the path to that other classic Kiwi dream: home ownership.  I had to clarify this twice on Friday night – a night of good conversation, mental stimulation and a jolt to the system, really. By that, I mean I got a fresh kick up the butt and renewed inspiration for making my big goals happen. More on that in a future post.

    The other highlight of my week was this lexicon in Nancy Ancowitz’s Self Promotion for Introverts (a short review will be coming up soon). SO. MUCH. TRUTH. Witness:

    Term Extrovert’s definition Introvert’s definition
    Alone Lonely Peace and quiet
    Book Doorstop Source of comfort
    Bored Not frantically busy Stuck making small talk
    Free time Time for group activities Time to read until in danger of going blind
    Home A place to invite everyone you know A place to hide from everyone you know

    Can I get an Amen?

    Anyway. To the links – a personal finance bonanza this week!

    Krystal wonders when the time is right to take the leap into self employment.

    Love this: You’re not debt free if you have debt (so simple, so obvious…at least you’d think so). Ninja demolishes the notion of good debt (car loan, mortgage) vs bad debt. Debt is debt, although personally I see it as a continuum, with student loans and mortgages towards the “better” end of the scale and consumer/car debt at the other.

    Erika at Newlyweds on a Budget has spending envy.

    TeacHer Finance on the evergreen topic of getting parental support in your 20s.

    Paula of Afford Anything talks the “scuzz factor” and using it to hack financial and health habits.