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Browsing category: Uncategorized

  • July 13, 2011

    Playing poor

    Free Cash

    Image by FatMandy via Flickr

    Tons of you urged us to pretend to T’s family that we are equally broke following the latest saga with them. I love this in theory and believe me, it’s crossed my mind many times – but it’s impossible.

    For one, T is pathologically honest. Also, he sees his family a lot. As in, pretty much every week, often more than once (I don’t understand it either, seeing as visits are often short and IMO kind of pointless. But I guess that’s the kind of family they are, where facetime and frequency are important). Moving away isn’t something either of us want to do, either! Possibly for a couple of years, but this is our city and where we see ourselves longterm.

    For another, it’s simply not logistically viable. We have a car. We go on the odd holiday (in fact, just returned from our first trip abroad together). We have gadgets (Xbox, smartphones, digital cameras). We even go to concerts from time to time. This is all pretty obvious. If we’re not a total mess, then we are already miles ahead. Trust me when I say the bell curve in this case is rather low.

    And while I’m not flashy, he likes his toys, and he likes to show them off. Thinking back to when he had his motorbike, for example; hiding that would have meant not talking at all about the single biggest most exciting thing in his life and not riding it over to visit his mother/sister/nieces etc.

    So while we definitely live modestly – within our means rather than beyond –  meaning they don’t know the extent of our financial situation, there’s just no way to pretend that we are as broke as any of them. So if we can’t hide it, what to do? I suppose we’re fortunate in that it’s mainly only one family member who tends to need bailing out, and that T now says enough is enough. I honestly do think this is enough for more than just a brief reprieve, but I’m not under the illusion that this will be the end of it.

    Have any of you successfully – and completely – concealed your financial status from relatives?

  • July 9, 2011

    June goal checkin

    • Save 40 per cent of income. I guess so, seeing as I got all my leave paid out after my last day. Big boost for the travel fund!
    • Keep eating out to $160 a month. Haha, nope. Let a little bit loose with socialising after last month!
    • Donate to charity every month. Done!
    • Text one friend a week. I haven’t been keeping track, but think I did okay on this one.
    • Learn to confidently use full manual settings on my dSLR. Absolutely no progress this month.
    • Read 100 books. Got through six in June – see recaps here and here.
    • Continue running at least once a week. I believe I missed one week. One thing about my old schedule – shifts definitely made it easier to fit in runs on days off and before work

    How did your goals go last month?

  • July 8, 2011

    100 in ’11: Sittenfeld, Shreve and Kumar

    Testimony – Anita Shreve

    Summary: A night of drunken debauchery caught on video has devastating consequences for a boarding school, and not just for the students involved.

    Enjoyable, well-paced, the storyline unfolds nicely. It’s told from several different characters’ viewpoints, and while the differing timelines were a little jarring, they were not too difficult to follow. It’s a scary reminder of how one small choice can affect so many people, and how the consequences of actions can snowball far beyond any you could initially have imagined for even the smartest and brightest of kids. Much like We Need To Talk About Kevin, it might make you think twice about parenting.

    Prep – Curtis Sittenfeld

    Summary: Working-class Midwestern girl has to fight to survive four years in a New England prep school where she stands out like dog’s balls.

    Another boarding school book, but in an entirely different vein. I have to admit, I’ve forgotten so much about high school life, but Sittenfeld captures the overthinking and the angst perfectly. Yet it also feels somewhat hollow. I understand this was essentially a slice of life – a window into Lee’s world, one which she is ambiguous about – but it’s a little frustrating coming away and seeing that she still hadn’t found happiness despite her journey of self-discovery.

    Imported Bride – Ranjula Kumar

    Summary: Naive Fijian bride arrives in New Zealand, only to find life taking her in a different direction than she had expected.

    I was intrigued by the premise of this book, looking forward to getting stuck in and getting an insight into life as a fresh immigrant in an arranged marriage. Threads involving her distant and cold father, her failed first love and various childhood incidents added interesting diversions. Disappointingly, the writing was not particularly sophisticated, was poorly edited and its characters failed to grip (in fact, they were rather one-dimensional. Or two-dimensional, as Bones would correct me.)

     

  • July 7, 2011

    Not a girl, not yet a woman (or, turning 23 > turning 13)

    Yes, I just quoted a horrendous, no-good, very bad Britney song. No, I’m not apologising.

    • I am the girl who feels that the label “fiancee” finally conveys the gravity of her relationship, but doesn’t feel old enough to be a “wife”
    • I am the woman for whom packs of schoolgirls call “make way for the lady!” when running past, sweaty and out of breath
    • The girl who who never have been voted MVP, but could have made MVTP
    • The woman who wears heels maybe twice a year (a choice validated everytime she’s forced to stand on the bus)
    • The girl who should never read long books, because she’ll make herself sick reading on the bus, trip over her feet while walking and reading, and be a zombie the next day at work after staying up to finish said book
    • The woman who prefers discussing people to ideas, even if that makes her small-minded. there’s nothing more fascinating than the human psychology, and what’s an idea without people to dream them up and execute them?
    • The girl who’s still a little afraid of the dark
    • The woman who likes very little music pre-1970 or post-2000

    Turning 23 has made me think long and hard about a lot of things. In particular, looking back at where I’ve come from. Ten years ago, I was obsessed with:

    1. wanting my knees to NOT knock together when I ran
    2. wanting to be the kind of girl who went out every Friday and Saturday night
    3. wanting long curly lashes
    4. wanting a thin nose
    5. wanting curly hair
    6. wanting better skin
    7. wanting a boyfriend (not necessarily in that order. Probably in reverse, actually)

    (Dude, for a nerd I was incredibly shallow.)

    I was convinced life would be so much better if only these things could happen. Of course, it all seems perfectly ridiculous now with a decade of wisdom to draw on (har de har har).

    Turning 23 > turning 13.

  • July 4, 2011

    Big pond or small pond?

    backyard pond

    Image by massdistraction via Flickr

    As I settle into my new role, the days continue to race by. In a good way.

    I suppose I can now, professionally speaking, tick off “taking a career risk” on this list. I took a few risks on this. Trading a degree of job stability, betting that I would thrive in a smaller environment. Swapping some straight financial benefits for not strictly monetary ones. Giving up an amazing team, but thankfully joining a similarly awesome group of colleagues.

    It’s funny how quickly you adjust to an entirely new situation. My old position is now being advertised for, and thinking back just a month ago, it feels like a distant dream.

    I once asked my (rather wise) mother whether she thought it was better to work at a large corp, or a smaller, more tightly knit company. Which one would you get more out of?  (I am aware these are not the only two career options in existence, but striking out on your own can be a topic for another day.)  Obviously, it depends on your priorities. But I’m talking generalities here, and Mum’s take was that it’s often better to start out in a big organisation and learn all you can, then take your skills somewhere smaller. Be a cog, learn the basics of the business, then go somewhere where you hopefully can make more of a difference, become better-rounded, enjoy more flexibility. Incidentally, that’s exactly the same sentiment echoed in a business advice column I read not long ago.

    Where do you fall on the spectrum – and what have your experiences been?

     

  • July 3, 2011

    Link love (Powered by lemons and flying turtles)

    As a media professional, it hurts me to see wannabe professional writers/bloggers writing for content mills (and bragging about it). Look, I know we all have to start somewhere, but content mills are not the place to stay. Instead, look to Carol Tice’s blog for ideas on getting better-paying work (she’s a great resource for freelance writers).

    Over at Give Me Back My Five Bucks, Krystal explains how she got her first job post-graduation.

    My Pretty Pennies says life is like a game of snakes and ladders.

    Here is a great example of prose (bonus, it’s a love story).

    No guilt. Read what makes you feel good, via Baking and Books.

    Happiness takes both effort and planning, writes First Gen American.

    Eat Move Write takes on  the topic of interracial relationships

    And finally, Perfectly Cursed Life compares (in table form!) what we thought adulthood would be like, vs the reality.

     

     

  • June 30, 2011

    It all started with an iPhone (Or, why mixing family and money only leads to dramas)

    iPhone vs. iPhone 3G

    Image by Ricky Romero via Flickr

    As you may have inferred from this post, among others, T and I are from different sides of the tracks. It became obvious early on that family and money issues would probably be our biggest ones and if any the ones that could break us. (Initially, I wished they were my family. That was shortly after I first moved out and was still not on great terms with my family. But I’ve come to realise that demonstrativeness and liberalness are not more important than security and stability – in fact they might be less so. I am at least grateful to my parents for setting responsible examples and being good providers despite their shortcomings.)

    I will not hesitate to call off the wedding if it becomes apparent that T is bent on a path to financial destruction by continuing to help out family who can’t help themselves. But I have good reason to believe he’s not. He is, to my shame, unabashedly materialistic. Remember when we were robbed (never ever forget to lock up, people)? I didn’t tell anyone because I was so humiliated. He preferred to brag about our new and slightly bigger TV. *rolls eyes*. He wants an iPhone, a motorbike, a project car…he wants all those toys and he wants them NOW. And letting family bleed him dry is not going to help him achieve that.

    We agreed we had to pay this bill, because it’s his name and his credit at stake (there goes about a quarter of his savings). She says she’ll pay him back, but who knows whether that will happen. T says he doesn’t want to have this come between him and his sister…as if her idiotic actions hadn’t already seen to that. I still don’t know where her $450 went; it went to Telecom, but not to the correct account. Who knows, who cares – it’s not worth our time and trouble trying to chase that up or, more accurately, chase her to sort it out. The problem of course is broke people often move around a lot. And if they’re irresponsible, sometimes companies don’t always know their latest address. So all these debt collection letters have been going to the wrong house.

    It was extremely hard for me to deal with from the sidelines. I went from putting my foot down  (“this will NEVER happen again” – to which he said the only person he would ever do this for is his mother – who doesn’t exactly have stellar credit either – because, he says, she at least has a decent head on her shoulders and pays bills on time)  to a more gentle “I hope you’ll talk to me if anyone ever asks you again” to which he said I’ll just say hell no (Much better. ) Like I say, he really has made every financial mistake and I think once in this case is enough, especially given the public humiliation PLUS all the subsequent drama with Vodafone bureaucracy and trying to get the damn iPhone. Which he finally has, along with an assurance the the first month will be waived. (Ironically, I’m still waiting on my work phone).

    T is increasingly getting frustrated with his sister, and has had strong words to her more than once recently, apparently telling her that enough is enough from him after this latest debacle. It is hard when there are kids involved. And of course they will always be taken care of. But ultimately nobody will put us first except, well, us.

    Five years from now it will roll off his record, and in five years we’ll be 28 and probably only just scraping together a down payment in this overpriced city. I’d much rather this have happened now, than later on.

  • June 29, 2011

    Would you be insulted?

    Globe

    Image by stevecadman via Flickr

    From time to time, bus drivers tell me “Ni hao”. Or people in the workplace will ask me if I know Japanese/Korean/Mandarin, etc. They are often kindly old men, or working-class types to whom I am obviously somewhat exotic.

    I don’t get upset in these instances. Perhaps a little puzzled. Bewildered, and disappointed that I couldn’t help. But not angry, even when others tell me I would have been within my rights to slap the person in question. I suppose this is a form of racism, albeit one that is not deliberate or hateful.

    But heck, I can barely tell various Asian ethniticies apart at a glance. Sometimes it’s more obvious than others. But I’m not of the breed that can take one look at a person and declare “That is a mainland Chinaman” (Mum…). Although if you hail from Malaysia or Singapore, I will recognise your accent.

    After all, I don’t get angry when random Asians on the street accost me in the hope that I speak their language (although to be fair, maybe every one of those approachers has actually been Chinese. Maybe to them it’s obvious).

    So, I don’t really know. Am I underreacting? For those of you who experience this, are you insulted when it happens?

  • June 27, 2011

    Demystifying the introvert

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    I came across a great post last week, 10 myths about introverts, and just had to share my take here!

    Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
    Carl argues that we simply don’t bother talking unless we have something to say – and on topics we care about, we won’t shut up. This is true. But personally? It also depends on the person I’m talking to. Some just kind of draw you in. Others, you can’t wait to escape from no matter what the subject of conversation.

    Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
    Well, I am shy. And yes, I am a little afraid of people, and very socially nervous. Making the first move, approaching people, reading gestures and navigating conversational flow – I die. (I am very good when people tour the office however; all I have to do is say my name, smile, make a couple of smart/funny comments, and then they move on. No time for awkwardness to ensue.) But I get what he means – shyness is not a prerequisite for introversion, although they do often go together.

    Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
    Carl reckons we have no patience for social pleasantries and find them exhausting. For sure! Small talk can be incredibly draining. But it can also be quite rewarding, that feeling that you’ve connected with another human being, on whatever level. I still find the “Hi, how are you?” routine awfully tedious, but I can play that game (it’s easier to fake on the phone). I used to have a lot of issues with maintaining eye contact, and I still can’t stand still without shuffling and fidgeting – plus I never know exactly how to stand or what to do with my arms, which can definitely come across as rude or bored.

    Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
    Er. I’m torn on this one. There are a lot of people I don’t like, which I may have decided upon meeting you once or twice, or many times. But sure, the good people, I love. Which I suppose goes for anybody, introvert or extrovert.

    Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
    I think it’s universally agreed that we don’t have a problem with going out per se, but that we can’t sustain it indefinitely. We need to go home, process it all and recharge. By ourselves. I also like this: “They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.”

    Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
    See previous myth. Also, we often do better in one-on-ones and small groups. Plus we like ourselves enough to enjoy our own company. Not all the time, but a fair bit of it. T hates being at home alone. Me, I look forward to getting back to my haven.

    Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
    You say tomayto, I say tomahto. I don’t think I’m weird, I’m just not a socialite and while most people my age prefer to party it up on a weekend, I’d rather try my hand at making yoghurt, for example.

    Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
    Carl: Introverts are people who primarily look inward… It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them. I have to admit, I’m not the most observant (and I partly attribute that to my lack of multitasking ability. Also, a terrible memory). If I don’t care about something or I don’t find it interesting, I’ll ask questions – I’m a journo – but I can’t fake enthusiasm. This also reminds me of how, when I was younger, I would pretend I was a living book character, and as I went about daily life, I narrated events in my head. “She stared blankly past her father, focusing instead on the patch of wallpaper peeling away from the doorjamb…”

    Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
    Everyone’s definition of fun varies. And yes, mine sometimes involves dancing and laughing and somewhat social activity, but 90% of the time it’s quiet, individualistic pursuits – baking, blogging, playing music, reading, taking photos.

    Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
    Do I even need to?

  • June 26, 2011

    Tagged!

    Photo meme time! (I’ve done a fair few, but I think they’ve all been Q&A based, so this is a first). Hat-tip A Lotta Lettuce for the tag.

    Here’s the lowdown:

    1. Go to the fourth folder where you store your pics in your computer
    2. Pick the fourth photo in the folder.
    3. Explain the picture.
    4. Tag 4 people to do the same

    If it looks a little pixellated, it might be the fact this was originally a film photo (remember those?) scanned into my computer. That’d be us circa 2006 when I visited T at Burnham military camp. It was bloody effing cold down there. I still have that scarf and jeans.

    And now for the tagging:

    Clare at Never Niche

    Serendipity at Serendipity’s Guide to Saving

    Dana at Pushing Thirtyy

    Emily Jane

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