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Browsing tag: reflections

  • May 10, 2012

    On authenticity in blogging

    On authenticity in blogging

    I don’t know about you, but I make a point to only read blogs that strike a chord with me.

    I don’t comment on posts merely for the sake of it.

    I don’t follow everyone back on Twitter.

    I curate discerningly. If we interact online, you can be assured that it’s genuine and for a reason.

    I (pretty selflessly) share link love every week and share posts from around the web that I think kick ass, and there are several blogs I read and comment on that don’t reciprocate. And that’s fine. That’s not what the end game is about for me.

    These are blogs I enjoy on their own merit, and it doesn’t need to be two-way for me to continue to show my appreciation (though I tend not to comment on a few of the really huge blogs, because I just don’t know if the 100th or 200th comment actually ever gets read). Likewise, I try to always visit the blogs of new commenters – but if they’re not up my alley, I simply won’t subscribe.

    I’m not saying that I never participate in marketing of any form. Commenting on other blogs and interacting with you guys on social networks is part of that – but it is NOT the primary reason I do it. As I said just the other week, I blog for love (and narcissism). I was a blog reader before I was a blogger, and participating is something I genuinely enjoy; when it starts to feel too much like a chore, I lay off for a bit.

    I didn’t know the first thing about blogging four years ago, and I simply did what felt natural. Turns out it also brought readers, and behold, some of y’all are downright regulars here now. A happy, accidental surprise.

    Work is where I worry about traffic, referrals, comments and time spent on site. This is for self expression.

    I originally joined 20SB and Yakezie and got into blog carnivals without really knowing what it was all about, because all the cool kids seemed to be doing it. I do participate in carnivals semi-regularly, and when approached to host one for the first time, took up the offer. I see them as a way to discover new blogs I might like to read, and to hopefully spotlight some of my better posts (ones I think are deserving of being shared, rather than whoring posts out blindly). This is deliberate and selective on my part. It’d be an understatement to say I’ve been sporadic about participation over the past couple years, though I’ve been more active of late.  Suffice to say it’s not something that is hugely important to me; I don’t do it every week, and I definitely do not sit down to write posts with the mindset of creating something to submit to a carnival.

    The blogs I love most, though? Generally, I don’t find them through networks like that. I discover them serendipitously and fall in love with them on my own. I’ve found bloggers gravitate toward networks when they’re chasing growth and monetisation rather than personal, heartfelt writing.

    Getting to the point…

    Even if you consider your blog a business … even if you started blogging with the sole intention of growing traffic and making money … you can still be real about it.

    The best blogs rock because they have a voice. Nicole Is Better, Budgets Are Sexy, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, Seth Godin, Dooce, Redhead Writing, Yes and Yes, Healthy Tipping Point, Susannah Breslin, Penelope Trunk? They all have personality, and they got big by being themselves, being honest, being authentic. Not through lame link exchanges, pleading, or threats. When I see people resorting to these tactics, I’m embarrassed for them. Business on the social web is not like business 1.0. It’s about personality, engagement and transparency – without forcing mutual backscratching.

    It’s about (corniness alert) heart. It’s about being unselfish; giving before taking; being genuine in all your interactions with others. If you’re not, people will see right through you.

    Worry about doing good work. Create awesome content. As Matt from the Oatmeal says: Don’t ask for likes – make things that are likable. Make stuff worth sharing. For me, it’s not always the posts I spend the most time crafting that go off. In reality (corniness alert again!) it’s my straight-from-the-heart, honest, open posts that get the most shares and most responses. For you, maybe it means writing insanely helpful tutorials or insanely funny listicles. Whatever.

    I am a writer. Not a salesperson. I know I can blog organically, authentically and with integrity, attracting likeminded readers who appreciate who I am as a person and all the different interests I have. Some have stuck with me as my writing changes; some haven’t. It’s all part of the journey.

    My blog continues to evolve, and I don’t know where it will end up. But however long you stay for the ride, your company is welcomed and appreciated.

  • May 9, 2012

    The slow reading movement

    Jadavpur university bookstore

    (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    I like the idea of the slow food movement. I’ve always loved to eat. But for a long time, I revelled in my inability to cook. I think I had a twisted notion that it enhanced my uniqueness somehow, along with the fact I played electric and listened to grunge (a girl who can’t cook! And in a post-feminist world, that’s okay!).

    Then I decided I loved food too much to hold back. I’ve a long way to go to catch T, who’s been watching Food TV forever and has that instinct about pairing flavours and textures and ingredients. But I’m gettin’ there.

    And deliberate, conscious choices in food consumption, I think, should be celebrated and applauded. I’m still very much price-conscious, but quality is incredibly important to me, and really, who doesn’t love to spend a lazy Saturday morning at the farmer’s market?

    But I digress. What I wanted to talk about was this: a slow-books manifesto.

    Read books. As often as you can. Mostly classics.

    (What does that sound like? Michael Pollan, you say? You’d be right. “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”)

    That’s a big call, I say. I reckon my literary split is about 50/50. Of course, the classics take me alot longer to plough through, so it feels more like 90/10.

    Classics are hard work. I do enjoy them, most of the time. They’re demanding, yes, but often proportionately more rewarding.

    But I need to break them up with lighter material that’s less taxing. There’s also the fact that the heavier material is usually more, erm, depressing. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reading fluffier stuff at all. I didn’t personally feel any need to branch out from YA and blockbusters until a couple of years ago. Whatever your taste is, I just think it’s awesome that you are an adult reader, because too many people give up books after school.

    Reading should be celebrated and encouraged (though I think the memoirs of reality stars are about as bookish as those foul fruit rollups are foodish).

    How would you describe your literary tastes?

  • May 1, 2012

    How to stay sane and maintain a semblance of life order

    how to balance lifeI am a terrible procrastinator. I am also a stressball, a low-energy type of person and despite the fact that I have neither kids nor any regular extracurricular commitments, often find myself wishing science would hurry up and invent a real life Time Turner.

    Nonetheless, through a crazy uni schedule, multiple jobs, shift work and now 9-5 work, I’ve come up with a few things that are working for me.

    Cooking

    I shop once a week. Usually on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. On Sunday night I make up lunches for the next couple of days, if not the whole week. I ate sandwiches for most of my school years and am ever so slightly over them (except for elaborate, gourmet type ones, which I have not the patience to deal with).

    I much prefer a cooked lunch – couscous, fried rice, roast veggies – with the odd salad (it must have serious carbs or protein in it, however, in order to earn its place in my stomach).

    I’m not very good at cooking in big batches (hence why we don’t entertain all that much) so it’s rare that we have leftovers for dinner. But those evenings are AWESOME. Can you beat coming home and heating up a lovely homecooked-meal in minutes? I think not.

    I also try to keep some basics on hand at all times – those quick-cook pasta meals in packets, noodles, bread, peanut butter, eggs etc.

    Exercise

    Compared to most, I’m pretty slack on the exercising front. I say find what suits you, and stick to it. For a while I did free Zumba classes with a friend every Wednesday. I don’t like it enough to pay for it, though. Running has always been the one physical activity I’m kind of good at, and so I go with it. Plus it’s free! I’ve tried running in the mornings. Doesn’t really work. Pre-breakfast, I don’t get far before feeling queasy and light-headed from hunger. Post-breakfast, I just can’t run that soon after. I also do not do well running after consuming spicy food. What I DO do is try to run once on a weekend afternoon and once on a weekday evening (hence the importance of a filling lunch). I also do a few stretches and other exercises on my bedroom floor most weekday mornings (weekends are for lazy rising).

    Sleep

    Sleep is sacred. It comes only second to food in my world. Nothing gets in the way of my sleep. NOTHING.

    Me  time

    I need alone time like some people hate the idea of marriage equality. Me time is for reading books. Blogging. Playing guitar. Baking. Until recently, watching Buffy. Consuming content that’s relevant to my industry (career development? self-improvement?). Whatever your thing is, make time for it and do not let others impinge upon it. I often turn down weeknight invitations, even though my only plan is a hot date with my food processor, mixing bowl and oven.

    Cleaning

    I hate cleaning with a passion. I should be cleaning more often, eg, in that midweek slump (you should see the state our house descends into by the end of the week. One day when I’m all grown up I will have a monthly cleaner to help out…). At our place, cleaning usually occurs on a Sunday evening so we have things looking nice to start the week and then it’s all downhill from there.

    I have an excellent book that lays out tips to keep on top of cleaning, like filing away paperwork as soon as it arrives, sweeping hard floors every day, wiping down things in the bathroom every couple of days, etc. Good advice to follow. But if you’re like me, nobody will strike you down dead with lightning for your slatternly ways. Personally, I only remember to clean the windowsills when a property inspection is forthcoming.

    Relationships and friendships

    I would be happy if every night ended with me engrossed in a book and T watching TV before falling asleep. Apparently, though, sometimes it’s good for me to put my book down and interact with him. (J/K, sorta.) Occasionally we manage a bona fide date night, and that’s always lovely. I recommend scheduling those in. I also suggest the same kind of standing arrangement with friends; regular get-togethers are more likely to succeed.

    Last year I set myself a goal of texting one friend a week. You might be like me and be better at being pursued than doing the pursuing. I’m slack at reaching out, because, well, I’m lazy. (And perhaps because I have a deep-seated need to be liked and fear rejection.) It would be so much easier if they were all into social media … But anyway, regularly reaching out to friends is a great thing.

    Sensing a pattern?

    Organisation is key. I plan most everything ahead and am constantly making fresh notes in my calendar or reminders in my iPhone. I listen to my body, because it likes routine, and so does the smooth running of my life, really. I have nothing on some of you guys with your hardcore day planners, but in my world, if I get the bins out in time for the rubbish collection, that’s a win.

    OTHER STUFF

    Know yourself. You know your limits and you know your priorities. Honour those. There are people who thrive on a busy life, with constant houseguests, frequently entertaining at home, going out after work every night, training for a marathon, travelling frequently, kicking ass at work. I’m not one of them. And I don’t try to be.

    Set boundaries. People will always want more from you. It’s up to you to say “NO. NO MORE EMAIL CHECKING ON THE WEEKENDS.” Say no. And stop responding to Facebook events with ‘maybe’ if it’s definitely a no.

    Have things to look forward to, both big and small. Everyone needs goals, dreams, motivation. Mine was getting into the degree I wanted to pursue. Then it was graduating and getting a job and having more time and money. Then it was finding a job with better hours. Now it’s travel and a wedding. There are little things, too, like a mini staycation or visits to a favourite restaurant. Whatever yours is, keep it on the horizon.

    Have less stuff. Okay, this may not work for everyone. I live with a horrible materialist. Where I didn’t want to tell anyone we were burgled the last time that happened (because it’s a rather embarrassing story), he wanted to brag to friends about his shiny new TV (thanks to how fast technology moves, we got a bigger one for what the old one was worth). But the more stuff you have, the more time and money it sucks up. T’s RC car, motorbike, etc need maintenance. Which is fine, as it doesn’t involve me (although I still end up being the one to remind him that this or that needs taking care of). Also, stuff can be stolen, as I too well know.

    Not sweat the small stuff

    I’m working on this: stopping obsessing over BS and stopping beating myself up about mistakes. Because we all mess up. We’re human. Fall off the moneywagon? Pick yourself up and try again next month. Letting someone’s disparaging throwaway comment haunt you? Ask if they really matter – and if they actually know what they’re talking about. Adulting has an excellent post on this.

    THE FINAL WORD

    I truly believe that you cannot do it all at once. Balance to me, is fluid. Are you going to spend exactly an hour exercising every single day, an hour socialising, an hour cooking, 30 minutes reading, 15 minutes tidying the house up, or whatever? Your priorities, and thus your balance, shifts over time. Sometimes you’ll need to turn up the dial on work for a while. Then that might quiet down and you can focus on health or friends. When you’re training for a marathon you need to step up your game on that front, then you can pick back up on other things once that’s behind you.

    What do you find helpful in keeping your head on straight and your day-to-day life on track?

  • April 20, 2012

    On sweating the small stuff

    Lately, I’ve been letting tiny little niggly things get to me.

    The kind of things that I know the other party doesn’t give a second thought to.

    I love the Eleanor Roosevelt quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    And likewise, the small stuff is only bugging me because I let it. I let it through and I let it stick around and fester.

    You know what, small stuff? You’re overstaying your welcome.

    It’s true. Some people are douchebags. Nothing I can do about that. Letting that get to me is fruitless. And we don’t want the douchebags to win.

    Sometimes something or somebody is a priority for you, but not vice versa. That’s the way of the world. There’s only so much you can do, and beyond that it’s out of your control. Nothing to be done there.

    Sometimes shit just happens.

    And thus, I will quote another fantastic saying, the serenity prayer:

    “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.”

    Words to (try to) live by.

    Are you a sensitive type like me ? Or do you let things roll off your back? How?

  • April 17, 2012

    How to reclaim your work mojo

    Sometimes we fall into a bit of a work rut. Get up, head to the office, put in a day’s graft, head home. Rinse and repeat. Maybe there’s a never ending stream of tasks, or perhaps there isn’t enough to fill the hours. The days go too quickly, or too slowly – either way, you find yourself wondering where the weeks are disappearing to.

    I think I recently sunk into one of these, and didn’t quite realise it until one day I simply woke up eager to get to work and get stuck in. Seriously.

    What did it take? Some positive feedback that reinvigorated my enthusiasm, and some fresh success that really proved motivating. When your efforts are paying off, that’s a HUGE shot of re-energisement. Sometimes that’s all you need.

    So if that’s you, how can you find your mojo again?

    I think it all boils down to one simple thing.

    Figure out what it means to you.

    Remember why you got into the job. To save money for a round the world trip? To keep going while you build an empire on the side? Get experience and build your resume? To make a difference?

    Whatever it is, tap into the factor/s that drive you. Rediscover that lightning bolt and turn it into renewed vigour.

    (And if your job sucks, plain and simple, then take action.)

    Any other tips of your own to share?

  • April 12, 2012

    Things I’m thankful for: my health

    Personal finance is a bit of a passion for me. But as we know, wealth isn’t everything. And sometimes health and wealth are more interlinked than we might think. And yes, sometimes luck plays a pretty big part.

    No matter how fit you are, how well you eat – you could get hit by a drunk driver. You could get cancer. You could get Parkinson’s. You could develop a chronic condition – pain, depression, something else. And no matter how well-insured you are, that’s going to have a serious impact on your finances and all other aspects of life – in some cases, for as long as you live.

    So, while I may be halfway to blind … suffer ridiculously heavy periods … chronic hayfever … I appreciate what I have. Full use of my (weak) limbs. All my senses. I can walk, I can run, I can jump. I have no health conditions that have serious negative effects on my life. I’ve never even broken a bone. Not everybody is so lucky.

    What are you thankful for today?

  • April 5, 2012

    Books I’ve enjoyed recently, via Mindy Kaling and Caitlin Moran

    I recently lapped up the memoirs of two very funny, very intelligent women.

    You should read them.

    Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? – Mindy Kaling

    Like me, a daughter of immigrants. Asian. And (not like me) deliciously witty. She is my hero.

    Oh, and I want to be her friend. That is all.

    “I wish there was a song called ‘Nguyen and Ari’, a little ditty about a hardworking Vietnamese girl who helps her parents with the franchised Holiday Inn they run and does homework in the lobby, and Ari, a hardworking Jewish boy who does volunteer work at his grandmother’s old-age home, and they meet after school at Princeton Review. They help each other study for the SATs and different AP courses, and then after months of studying the news that they both got into their top college choices. This is a song teens need to inadvertently memorise. Now there’s a song I’d request… The chorus of “Jack and Diane” is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life.”

    “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”

    “Teenage girls, please don’t worry about being super popular in high school, or being the best actress in high school, or the best athlete. Not only do people not care about any of that the second you graduate, but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life. What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s so wonderfully fair.”

    How to be a Woman – Caitlin Moran

    I am a feminist.

    I don’t understand women who don’t consider themselves one. It irks – no, PAINS me – when women start a sentence with: “I’m not a feminist, BUT…”

    I understand the term has a bad rap.

    But as Moran puts it:

    “You might be asking yourself, ‘Am I a feminist? I might not be. I don’t know! I still don’t know what it is! I’m too knackered and confused to work it out. That curtain pole really still isn’t up. I don’t have time to work out if I am a women’s libber! There seems to be a lot to it. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?’
    I understand.
    So here is the quick way of working out if you’re a feminist. Put your hand in your pants.
    a) Do you have a vagina? and
    b) Do you want to be in charge of it?
    If you said ‘yes’ to both, then congratulations! You’re a feminist.

    Because we need to reclaim the word ‘feminism’. We need the word ‘feminism’ back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29 per cent of American women would describe themselves as feminist – and only 42 per cent of British women – I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of ‘liberation for women’ is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? ‘Vogue’, by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF SURVEY?

    These days, however, I am much calmer – since I realised that it’s technically impossible for a woman to argue against feminism. Without feminism, you wouldn’t be allowed to have a debate on a woman’s place in society. You’d be too busy giving birth on the kitchen floor – biting down on a wooden spoon, so as not to disturb the men’s card game – before going back to quick-liming the dunny.

    I can only hope this strikes a chord with readers of the “I’m not a feminist but…” ilk.

    Because really. What part of modern life as a woman do you not appreciate? The right to work, and in an industry of your choosing? The right to choose to marry, and who, and whether to change your name? To have children, and how many, or not at all? The right to own property?

    Look, I have never read any classic feminism texts. I read this because I love a good memoir and Moran is a writer I look up to. We don’t have much in common. She grew up poor, I didn’t. She grew up fast; I was a late bloomer. She started out as a music journalist; I quickly ditched that idea when I realised I don’t like most of today’s music.

    But literally, almost every word in this book resonated with me; I found myself agreeing with almost everything she verbalised. (Not everything; I don’t think there can truly be any experience like parenthood; I’m not sure about her pole dancing > lap dancing argument and while I admire Lady Gaga’s trailblazing and ability to pen perfect pop songs, she certainly does do a hell of a lot with her clothes off.)

    Behold:

    “I have a rule of thumb that allows me to judge … whether sexist bullshit is afoot. … It’s asking this question: ‘Are the men doing it? Are the men worrying about this as well? Is that taking up the men’s time? Are the men told not to do this, as it’s ‘letting the side down’? Are the men having to write bloody books about this exasperating, retarded, time-wasting bullshit? Is this making Jeremy Clarkson feel insecure?'”

    “Recently, it has behooved modish magazines to print interviews with young women, who explain that their career as strippers is paying their way through university… If women are having to strip to get an education — in a way that male teenage students are really notably not — then that’s a gigantic political issue, not a reason to keep strip clubs going …what are strip clubs if not ‘light entertainment’ versions of the entire history of misogyny?”

    “I cannot understand anti-abortion arguments that centre on the sanctity of life. As a species, we’ve fairly comprehensively demonstrated that we don’t believe in the sanctity of life. The shrugging acceptance of war, famine, epidemic, pain and life-long, grinding poverty show us that, whatever we tell ourselves, we’ve made only the most feeble of efforts to really treat human life as sacred.”

    BRILLIANT.

    Hence, why I devoured this in a day.

    I enjoyed greatly her chapters on birth (the first is terrifying, the second redeeming. Power to those who want uber natural births. However, for most of history childbirth has been lethal for women. I want hospitals, doctors, and all the drugs thanks). On lambasting the ridiculousness of fashion. And her intriguing hypothesis of pop culture as an indicator of the shift in power towards women. Although if Beyonce is the best we can do, please bring on the 22nd century, when hopefully females can actually run the world rather than assault our eardrums with songs about running the world while dancing suggestively in skimpy clothing. (I haven’t seen that particular music video, though I have seen the Glee version. Forgive me if the video is not actually like that; however, all of her others are, so I feel pretty safe in generalising here).

    When I was in high school, my father told me soccer wasn’t a sport for girls. For years, I silently (never out loud, I’m Asian) shouted “Fuck you, Dad” in my head whenever I recalled that moment.

    Now I simply hold that memory in my head as a reminder. My daughters will never hear that from their parents, and hopefully, never from any human being at all.

  • April 3, 2012

    Life planning on crack: Career, kids, family

    T recently said (somewhat jokingly) “You’re turning 24 this year. Better start thinking about when we’re going to have kids…”

    24 is scary. 24 is firmly mid-twenties. It’s nearly a quarter of a century. And it feels far older than how I feel inside.

    Mainly due to him, I’ve already bumped down my planned kid-having age from early 30s to 28-29. And that doesn’t seem so far away. I am so nowhere near ready for it, and is five years enough for that to change?

    We all got together recently for the birthday of a friend, S. She’s a doctor, or pretty close to being one. One of our other friends, F just got married and just started a corporate career, and plans to have kids once she gets her CA. All of the girls in this group want their kids young, and to stay home with them for at least some time. Including S.

    Medicine and child-rearing. Two very different lifestyles, neither of them conducive to the other. She is perfectly suited to medicine, but the family thing is just as important to her. We mapped out her professional trajectory on paper (from house officer to registrar to fellow to consultant – the US names are vastly different) and tried to determine where she would fit in two kids. Apparently some people take a few years out as registrars to get their PhDs and have their kids then (!), as that seems to be the best window to take time out in.

    The last newsroom I worked in, only the most senior people – almost all men – had spouses and families. The hours just aren’t conducive to it. Medicine is even worse. S can’t have the kind of life she wants (or any life, really) in surgery, so she’s thinking about pursuing radiology or anaesthesia, which have more regular hours, (though they may be harder to get into). It’s something I pointed out to her back in high school, but I don’t think the harsh reality really hits you until you’re faced with it. Ah, the march of time.

    I’m also really interested to see what happens to the rest of my girlfriends in the next couple of years. As I said, one is married. Another will probably be engaged soon. Three more literally have plans to get married in the next two years, but haven’t met anybody yet. And they may well end up having arranged marriages – a tradition I can’t help but wonder how much longer will continue quietly in Western countries, albeit in increasingly more informal ways. Probably longer than you might think.

    Did you factor in family and kids when planning your career? Have you thought about when they fit into the picture?

  • April 2, 2012

    It’s your job, but what does that actually mean?

    What does your job mean to you

    I’m not talking about whether you’re doing what you’re most passionate about.

    Let’s not get into that.

    I’m talking about whether you feel like you’re doing meaningful work.

    Do you find fulfillment in what you do, regardless of what your job actually involves – customer service, admin, engineering, design…? Do you feel like your work has a useful purpose or that it’s making a difference?

    Chatting to some of my high school girlfriends, it’s evident (I don’t know if they could all say their job is their passion – I should ask them) their chosen fields are uber rewarding. Medicine. Osteopathy. Audiology. (Oh yes, and law – which if I didn’t have such a love for writing I guess I would have pursued – it is, at least here, the default for smart high schoolers who don’t go into the technical/scientific degrees.)

    All crazy important, worthy, noble jobs, helping their fellow humans, huge responsibilities. (Handily, also all very lucrative, which is a bonus; they do have higher education requirements, and high student loan repayments to match their higher starting salaries…but they’ll still make more than me in the long run.)

    Sometimes I can’t help but feel inferior, as the least educated and, I guess, the least ‘professional’ of all. Whenever I mention how insanely amazing what they do is, though, they’re always quick to praise me, my creativity, the fact that I’m less about book learning and more about real knowledge (ha). Bless.

    While I may not do anything particularly noble on a daily basis – I’m hardly serving the greater good of humanity – I create something new, every day. Stories people read, content they engage with. And maybe I do make a small difference for some of these inspiring and deserving people and companies.

    While I can’t really say the same of previous jobs I did before getting into my current field, they definitely had their moments.

    Example: I used to hate answering the phones at work. You just never knew what to expect. But when it wasn’t some crank, and when I could actually help the caller with what they were after – that felt really good. I sincerely like helping people, and if they’re grateful for it, that’s just the icing.

    At another job, my general office admin tasks were, in all honesty, rather dull. But in transcribing and typing out legal documents, I took real pride in my work, getting used to each consultant’s style, correcting any grammatical errors, doing my best to be a star support person.

    I don’t know if that’s quite the same thing as finding meaning in my work per se, but it certainly lifted the job above just something I did to get by.

    What does your job mean to you?

  • March 26, 2012

    Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em

    I’m not a fan of absolute statements.

    So when I read “it is way harder to live without someone, than to live with them“, that got my back up.

    When you don’t see someone day in and day out, when you don’t live together (and that generally corresponds, though not always, with the earlier stages of a relationship) it’s a hell of a lot easier to romanticise them.

    The saying goes that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it’s a classic for a reason. Being away from someone tends to make you miss them (the principle of scarcity, after all, is that you want what you can’t have) as you focus on their good points (similar to why we tend to sugarcoat the past – my high school memories are pretty rose-tinted, although I had a heck of a teenagehood toward the end of it).

    And yes, I know what I’m talking about – T and I did the long distance thing for six months when he had no access to a cell phone or internet, so we communicated via letters and a couple of in person visits. It was lonely sometimes, but on the other hand, we never had any disagreements  or in fact any issues, really. However. I can tell you that if we had spent those six months in the same city, there would have been fights, and there would have been ups and downs.

    We all have faults. Annoying or downright gross habits. T doesn’t rinse the basin properly after he shaves. I moult hair everywhere and am slack about picking it up. Sharing your home with another human being that you’re not used to sharing with can be tough. How they like to clean, socialise, eat or sleep may not mesh with how you do things. And we’re adults. Most of our routine habits are pretty well ingrained. Not saying these are dealbreakers – far from it – and some people may slot perfectly into each other’s lives! But the adjustment period can also be rough.

    If we were to be separated NOW, that’d be a different story. It’d be undoubtedly harder to live apart after having built a life together. But I don’t personally buy the premise that the pre-moving in together stage is so much more painful than the post.
    What do you think?
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