We love to classify and categorise ourselves. Most of us are on a constant search for identity whether we realise it or not, or go through phases of identity crisis every so often. We’re humans; we like to feel like we belong and that others are experiencing the same things we are.
I used to take tests compulsively…there was a great site with all manner of quizzes from ‘what colour is your aura’ to ‘what song is the soundtrack to your life’ kinda crap, to more insightful personality type quizzes. For the life of me though, I can’t remember what it’s called now, or if it’s even still around.

Anyway, the reason I’m thinking about this now is I stumbled across these two ‘disorders’ a while back, and I’m wondering if they really do describe me, or if I’m just trying too hard too hard to define myself.

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First up is dyspraxia. I’ve pasted here everything that applies to me and added comments to some.

Poor balance, poor posture (BF just commented on that this morning in the shower. I’ve never understood the whole thing about ‘putting your chest forward’. It just feels and looks strange to me) Difficulty in standing for a long time as a result of weak muscle tone (Hell yeah, remember my inability to stay upright during that interminable work meeting the other week? A far cry from my 12 hour days as a waitress) Floppy, unstable round the joints. Poor hand-eye co-ordination. Exaggerated ‘accessory movements’ such as flapping arms when running. Tendency to fall, trip, bump into things and people (ALWAYS).

Lack of manual dexterity. Oversensitive to light (yes, recently. I HAVE to wear sunnies outside during the summer – I literally cannot see otherwise, my eyes simply won’t open up all the way and I have to squint). Little sense of time, speed, distance or weight. Difficulty in following instructions, especially more than one at a time. May do only one thing at a time properly, though may try to do many things at once ( I am the worst multitasker in the world). Poor memory, especially short-term memory. May forget and lose things. Impulsive. Tendency to be easily frustrated, wanting immediate gratification. Prone to low self-esteem, emotional outbursts, phobias, fears, obsessions, compulsions and addictive behaviour.

All so, very, very me. But is this a REAL problem? Apparently so. Not just being a klutz, or being slightly emotionally unstable, no – it seems to be a real syndrome, all put together. I figured I was just a very awkward person.

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And then non verbal learning disorder – info here, here and here.

This child is constantly “getting in the way,” bumping into other people and objects, and is generally unaware of the position in space his body encompasses. In addition to social ostracism, his motor disabilities (along with spatial misconceptions) put him at an increased risk for personal injury. – To a tee.

Extreme vacillations with balance are often first evident when the child is learning to walk. She may appear “drunk” in her early attempts at walking. – Well I grew up with one leg shorter than the other. Nuff said. Eventually more or less evened out, thankfully

She may also have a fear of heights and avoid climbing up on the jungle gym. – HATE heights. Hated monkey bars. Would never climb up and sit on top. Scared the living shite outta me. I can’t get past more than two bars now, let alone even contemplate swinging up and over the top. The other day we went out ot the Huia dam and I could barely bring myself to look down into the bottom of the overflow spiral.

Fine motor skills are also impacted. The NLD toddler resists eating with a spoon or fork owing to the lack of dexterity in his fingers. Learning to tie her shoe laces can take years and she will have to “talk herself through” the process well into adolescence and beyond. Using scissors can be a difficult to hopeless task, as is holding a pencil correctly. – Can’t remember, unfortunately.

Spatial reference is often neglected entirely (i.e., the child may recall many distinct details of a house she has just visited, but she will not be able to describe its location in reference to other houses on the same block and/or to her own home – Hell YEAH.

Rote verbal and expressive and receptive language skills, such as the ability to memorize and repeat a great deal of information presented to them in spoken form. They also exhibit early language development. – I was always reading years ahead of my age. However, I did NOT learn well by hearing things. I’m a visually oriented person and need to see/touch things to figure them out. I have always been a crammer though. I memorise notes and regurgitate them in exams and it’s always worked fairly well so far (touch wood).

When the skills for organizing and developing written work don’t advance at the expected rate for this student, finally the red flags go up. – Nope, written work was frankly the only thing I was ever good at.

I definitely don’ t fit this profile, not completely, but some of it really resonates with me. Am I just being overanalytic? am I trying to fit myself into something I’m not? Just trying to explain my shortcomings and quirks? Just a coincidence? Am i just naturally awkward and doomed to remain so? it doesn’t really matter either way. I just find this really interesting. frankly, if I didn’t display any of the signs I wouldn’t think this a ‘real’ problem; just an excuse for my lack of coordination and poor visual and spatial perception.