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  • Money lessons learned from my friends

    An antique Indian purse used to hold coins. Th...

    Image via Wikipedia

    They say there’s nothing like living vicariously. Well, there’s nothing like learning vicariously, either!

    I’m kind of the go-to person in my circle for info when it comes to, you know, navigating the real world. Things like bonds and tenancies and job rights and whatnot. I gotta admit, sometimes I just have to gape at how out-of-touch people are. People who think I’m well on the way to buying a house (hello, I have been supporting myself for five years! You have had a car bought for you and are having your wedding paid for. I have to foot the bill for all those things, plus I want to do some serious travel before even thinking about settling down and saving another $60k or so.) Who have no idea what it takes to get a mortgage and embark on a rambling discussion about buying for $400k, then upgrading in a few years when it’s appreciated to $550k and so on. ARGH!

    But the learning isn’t all one way. Nope, I’ve learned three valuable lessons from my friends.

    1. Be frugal, not cheap. It’s not too much to spend $20 on a dinner out every few months. It’s not like we go to expensive places – we’re talking restaurants where mains are as low as $15 a head. We’d rather all pitch in to cover your meal than miss out on the chance to catch up.

    2. Whoever holds the purse strings has you by the balls. It’s lovely that your parents are paying for your wedding, but if they pay, they get a say. Headaches ensue.

    3. Never, I repeat, NEVER, go into debt to appease your gold-digging partner. Your psychotic, selfish ex will drive you away, eventually, leaving you with nothing but a bulging overdraft.

    Yep, there’s nothing like learning from others’ mistakes.

  • November challenge and budget breakdown

    Remember how, in theory, we should be able to get by on $2500 a month?

    Well, we did! $2582 was the final number…okay, so a tiny bit over, but granted, we did buy a couple of Christmas presents early, which I decided to include here, and ate out a little more than usual. (What’s not included is our contents insurance, which was due this month, and the cost of our “new” car and associated expenses. They’re not in here because while one is budgeted for regularly and one was not so much so, neither are things we pay for in the course of a usual month.)

    But it proves my maths skills are not totally hopeless and that yes, this is a realistic number for a four-week month without major special occasions, ie, birthdays, etc.

    NOVEMBER SPENDING

    Also, I made an extra $630 this month aside from my regular job – that’s from regular freelancing, a focus group and editing some rather dry economics essays. All of that went to my travel fund, which is currently sitting at just about enough to take us both to a tropical island for my birthday next year, or one flight to either California or London. Ahem.

    Now, to the next order of business. While I love my monthly spending recaps, they don’t provide a full picture of what’s happening. They don’t include my regular savings. They don’t include T’s own fun money. It is simply a picture of (almost all) of our spending, and the percentages are relative. Er, by that I mean the percentages are the percentage only of our expenditure, not our total budget/income.

    So, after much work, this is a more accurate snapshot. I don’t feel the need to start doing this regularly, but I did want to do it at least once.

    TOTAL

    As you can see, this incorporates savings, debt repayments (which is just T paying me back for some costs I covered for him once upon a time, that pesky insurance, and his spending money. My only real concern is that his allowance is larger than our eating out costs!

    Anyway, the main reason I wanted to do this was to see if we were totally out of whack with our proportions. Here are some relevant links. The one I went with about as simple as you can get – the 50/30/20 budget.

    • Basically, it posits that you should be spending:
      • 50% on needs
      • 30% on wants
      • 20% on savings

      In comparison, here’s ours:

      • 44% on needs
      • 11% on wants
      • 45% on savings (granted, this got a hefty bump from my side incomes this month)

    As T says, we spend more on, well, living, than the few of our friends who support themselves. We also have regular internet (which more than pays for itself through the side work it affords me) and eat real food (ie, not just beans, mince, noodles and pies). I would argue, though, that our lack of drinking more than makes up for it. But let’s not get me started on that…Proportionally, I think we’re doing all right.

    And just for fun – here’s the breakdown of where his money went this month.

    Which actually seems quite reasonable in perspective…although I wonder if we can negotiate for his spending to come down a little bit more.

  • Finding a balance between hoarding and minimalism

    Hoarding vs minimalism - finding a balance

    As a ridiculously sentimental person, letting go of stuff is tough for me. From text messages to jewellery to recipes I’ve never made, I’ve always been a hoarder. I once moved three times in less than a year, and all T could say as he did the grunt work was: “YOU HAVE SO MUCH CRAP!”

    Yeah, for one person, I did have a lot of crap. Old photography projects. Random books. Shedloads of paper, namely, lyrics to songs I penned back in the day, and drafts of my “great teen novel” that I can’t bring myself to even look at now.

    But I’ve actually pared down a lot recently. Perhaps most remarkable was culling my book collection. It wasn’t large by anyone’s standards, but there were very few in there that I liked. I don’t buy books. All of these were gifted, donated, free or basically free to me. So you can imagine…

    Until recently, I would have laughed at the thought of ever considering minimalism as something to aspire to. But it’s a topic many of the blogs I read regularly have touched on recently, and like anything else, you take from it what you want.

    Living in a small, confined studio leads you to reconsider what you actually need to own. In the future, we’ll have a proper kitchen and utensils. A living room and a dining table, even. A garage and a workshop for T. But for now, this is all we need.

    I’m starting to compost, to grow things in our garden – we had our very first baby carrots this month, and I think onions are on the way! – and cut down on the amount of rubbish we put out. I’m not going to make my own detergent or ditch plastic bags in favour of rinsing the bin every other day; I’d rather pay $2 for a box of laundry powder that lasts months, and reuse the free bags we get at the greengrocer. (Real greenies, don’t jump down my throat: we use reusable grocery bags at the supermarket.)

    Ultimately it comes down to three things:

    Saving money. Don’t buy what you don’t need. Capisce?

    Eco-awareness/health. For example, I may not make my own washing powder but I do use homemade, more natural cleaners from baking soda/vinegar. That also crosses over with saving dosh.

    Sheer laziness. I mean really, why use more ingredients when you can use fewer? (That’s why I love stonesoup – Jules introduced me to the world of minimalist cooking, plus she’s an Aussie so uses metric mesasurements.)

    I don’t know if I can or want to call myself a bona fide minimalist. I’ve never been a shopaholic by any stretch of the imagination, but I still have a lot of trinkets – my clay bears I’ve had forever, a few stuffed toys, and other things (to name a few) which serve no practical purpose but hold some kind of meaning or memory for me. Maybe over time I’ll slowly let go of those too. In the meantime, minimalism to me serves as an extension of personal finance and my own beliefs – prioritising what’s important to me, as an individual, and valuing experience, in most cases, over physical stuff.

  • Link love (Powered by a dash of cinnamon and loaves of meat)

    the wedding party's banquet table

    Dinner at their table would never look like this. Image by svacher via Flickr

    I’m trying to be less judgemental. I honestly am. But as I watched Britain’s Biggest Brood, I couldn’t help thinking “this is one rather selfish woman”. She wanted kids because she had a terribly lonely childhood, with an alcoholic mother. And she didn’t want her kids to suffer the same fate.

    Fair enough. But why not 3, 4 or 5 kids? Is 15 not going a bit far?

    I think it’s safe to say they’ll never lack for company, but who’s to say they want to be one of 15? To be forced to sleep 5 to a room? Would you even have time to spend with each of your children and give them the attention they deserve, when all of your day is taken up with housework? Self sufficiency is a good thing, I agree…but not if you’re forced into it prematurely. She had no choice but to learn to amuse herself and care for herself, thanks to an absent parent. But I’d argue that her kids will fall into the same pattern, not due to her negligence, but because caring for the younger ones would take up most of her time and energy.

    Interestingly, somehow they got by on $30k a year (although we noticed that 2L of milk was only 70c, as opposed to, uh, $3.53, when they went supermarket shopping, so maybe it’s not that surprising).

    But you know what cemented my pity for her offspring? That they eat nuggets and chips (or similar variations) every night. I can understand why – it’s easy, conveyor belt style fare, but not only do kids need variety, they deserve variety. Just my humble opinion.

    WORK / CAREER
    I totally want a workplace spouse. But are Penelope Trunk’s tips the way to get one?

    I couldn’t agree more. Kristen Lamb’s down-to-earth take on the glamorised profession of writing and what you should know before leaping in…

    Eventual Millionaire explains how to increase your business confidence.

    Ask A Manager on how to throw a good office Christmas party (we were given the choice between one at the office, or paying to have one off-site. We all thought that was tacky and so does she!)

    Who has tips for setting up a home office? Working Girl needs expertise.

    10 tips for avoiding office politics, via Ms Career Girl.

    Dana at Pushing Thirtyy wonders why anyone would turn down work that’s part of their job.

    What’s more important to you: morals or money? Gem refuses to compromise her ideals.

    MONEY

    Financial Samurai offers a guide to clubbing without blowing the budget, while Moneyapolis wonders how to deal with friends who don’t pay their way.

    Cate at Liberal Simplicity reflects on days past of skint pockets and simple luxuries.

    Is it bad of me to admit I feel a slight sense of glee when others realise how expensive it is to eat both healthy and yummy? Well, I do. I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

    JD Roth asks: Is it cool to buy second-hand items for gifts? and explains why income is the most important part of the financial equation.

    RainyDaySaver blogs about cars and America’s throwaway society.

    Meg at World of Wealth is coming into a windfall and wants to know what you’d do in her case.

    Jessie explains how to go about choosing your winter tyres.

    Anyone who reads this blog regularly probably knows I have a bad case of real estate envy; I spend downtime browsing through listings of homes (not even dream homes, necessarily) and wondering when I’ll ever be able to afford to buy. Like me, Little House favours older architecture – there’s a certain charm about older houses, not to mention solid construction.

    LIFE

    I loved Amy’s #Reverb10 post on the best decision she made this year: STOP.

    New year, new start. Caroline reflects beautifully on years gone by (I don’t really have anything to add, just read it.)

    Not That Kind Of Girl pens a love letter to reading.

    Is chasing birds innocent fun or animal cruelty? Sandy needs to know.

    Teri at Your Life Sentence reviews the year in Facebook status updates.

    Geek in Heels ponders the meaning of Christmas, and those billboards that atheists are pushing around this time of year.

    FOOD

    Guys, I’m dying here drooling over these cinnamon buns. Won’t anyone share a good recipe with me? Pioneer Woman’s is no use. 2 packages of Active Dry Yeast? I’m in NZ. Please just tell me how many tablespoons of the stuff I need.

    While it’s hotting up here, the northern hemisphere is hunkering down for winter and whipping up all kinds of comfort food. Like Cathy’s tomato soup to write home about.

    Or Jenny’s beef and beer stew.

    I, on the other hand, will soon be making ice cream from scratch, thank you very much!

  • Reverb 10: Wisdom

    What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

    So, this is going to sound really lame. But here goes.

    I’ve always been a bit of a cynic. A skeptic. A realist. A pessimist. Hard, if you like. The kind of person who sees a glass as half-empty (and I still do, because half-full sounds ridiculous and the two f-sounds in a row are icky to articulate).

    These days, I like to think of myself as a dreamer/realist. If pushed, I’d describe it as hoping for the best, but planning – always – for the worst.

    Last year presented me with a lot of challenges. It was by far the hardest single year of my life. I lived in a bad neighbourhood, in a damp, mouldy house, was the victim of crime, lived with lame flatmates including a filthy, lazy pig who still owes me nearly $1000, was completing my final year as a journalism major with a full courseload and juggling my part-time job with other side hustles, and dealing with an unemployed partner. A frigging AWESOME combination. Thanks, life.

    I was frequently in tears. I was perpetually sleep deprived, stressed out to the point of snapping and had several mini breakdowns and nearly ended my relationship. In short, I was a mess, really, and I felt very, very sorry for myself.

    The dark passed, eventually. Today we live alone in a dry and warm, if small, apartment. I have my piece of paper and we’re both gainfully employed. I am blessed. And I know it.

    The best decision I made this year was to be grateful. To count my blessings. To look on the bright side a little more often, to open my eyes to the silver lining. To stop leaving that responsibility to T all the time. To be a more generally positive, cheerful person, one who’s pleasant to be around more often than not.

    You know what sparked this? (This is where the embarrassing bit comes in.) I read The Secret at the start of the year. Whether or not you believe in it – and I don’t really – the most valuable lesson I learned was to simply cultivate gratitude. Starting off the day in the right frame of mind can really make a difference. I appreciate my health, my job, my partner and everything else in my life.

    Shit happens. It’s true.

    But a little perspective here: I may be hungry sometimes, but I know where my next meal is coming from. I may be cold, a lot, but I have a heater, blankets, warm clothes and a boyfriend with excellent circulation.

    I rarely feel sorry for myself these days. I often whine that I need more hours in the day, but that’s because I’m blessed with opportunities to make more money (hello travel fund!), with hobbies and interests, with friends.

    I am content for the most part on a day-to-day basis.

    I knew it was the best decision ever when I came home one day and T asked: “What’s wrong? You’re not your cheerful self today.”

    Nobody had ever said that to me before.

  • On (possibly) succumbing to lifestyle creep

    MySky HDI

    Screengrab from the MySky site

    Among the cardinal sins of personal finance: Buying too much car. Too much house. Spending more than you earn. And that other disingenuous trap, lifestyle creep.

    It began when I picked up the phone (in itself, that is quite something – our landline doesn’t work half the time; I think it’s to do with the battery not charging properly, or something.) On the other end was a woman from SKY TV offering us free MySky for six months. Because I pretty much never sign up to anything on the spot, I asked her to call back.

    But really, it was a done deal. The boy has been angling for MySky for a while; we just didn’t want to pay for it. Not for the installation, not for the ongoing costs. This way, we got it totally free, and after six months, we’d just pay the monthly fee ($15, if I recall correctly).

    Then the other night, he came out with this gem: “You know, I think we’re spending more on pay-per-view movies than we would on Sky Movies.”

    ???!!!!!!!!!!

    What’s this WE stuff? Excuse me? You’re the one who books all the damn things; I have better things to do. Like bake. And read. And play guitar. And freelance. And run.

    Except for those, er, once-in-a-blue-moon occasions when I DO sit down and watch one with him. Hmph.

    While our early bills started out with maybe one movie a month, now it’s crept up to three or even four. Plus we already pay $10 a month for two movies from Fatso (love the no late fees) and sometimes rent even more from the video store up the road.

    So yes, at $20 a month for a bunch of movie channels – which we can record and keep indefinitely with MySky – it probably was a better deal.

    I hemmed and hawed, but the thing about technology these days is that it’s just getting harder to put off decision-making! There was the Upgrade Channel, on the telly screen, staring us in the face. I couldn’t use the excuse “oh, I’ll ring them tomorrow and set it up” – nope, all we had to do was push a button to confirm the subscription.

    Realistically, this is more of a tactical move to save money (the movies subscription that is; can’t really argue the same for MySky) but I can’t help thinking now we have MySky and video recording, it’ll be hard to go back. Never will I miss an episode of Glee again!

    Ever fallen into the lifestyle creep trap? Where do you draw the boundaries? Do you have MySky, TiVo etc?

  • Reverb 10: Different

    Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

    I wasn’t going to participate in today’s prompt. What makes me special? NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Anything I could possibly say, will apply to countless other people too. It’s the thing, these days, to tell everyone how unique they are and boost their fragile self-worth.

    But I will, nonetheless. On their own, none of the characteristics that make me me are particularly interesting. But taken all together, that combination just might be enough to set me apart. Maybe. And If I can’t be narcissistic here, where the hell else can I do it?

     

     

    • But I still like to go out and dance every once in a while. Who wants to take me?

     

    • Unlike anyone I’ve ever met, I love cauliflower but I won’t touch broccoli.

     

    • I enjoy a lot of things that I’m decidedly mediocre at. Tennis. Guitar. Baking.

     

    • Yet, I’m very competitive. It’s why I’m glad my friends have different strengths than me.

     

    • I sometimes talk like I’m on Gilmore Girls and I wish more people would play along.

     

    • I’m good at listening (except when it’s people going on about the minutiae of their job) and prefer it to talking about myself. Apart from when Reverb10 encourages me to, obviously.

     

    • My threshold for annoyance is ridiculously low. If you get on my nerves, it will be patently obvious.

     

    • I crave compliments and positive reinforcement, but never know how to accept them.

     

    • I don’t do caffeine. Really. My stomach lining and wallet are grateful for it.

     

    • I never had any desire to learn to drive. Driving stresses me out to the point that I get clammy and trembly from all my nerves and senses being on high alert. And don’t even start on parking.
    • I stroke the numeric keypad on my keyboard when I’m deep in thought. Or bored.

    But I disagree that these are what make me “beautiful”. Quirky, perhaps. Frustrating, sometimes.

    No, I’m certain that these “beautiful” qualities are in fact universal: compassion, humour, and love.

  • Reverb 10: Community

    Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

    Like Amy, I have a few disparate social groups in my life. Let’s go backwards in chronological order. Lately, connecting more with coworkers outside of the office. A few girlfriends from uni, the kind I probably wouldn’t call first if I was stranded somewhere, but I’d catch up with over coffee or a drink and invite to my birthdays. My main crew from high school, although some of them are probably more T’s friends than mine (it’s complicated). My girlfriends from before that, whom I don’t see often enough.

    At the risk of sounding like a total jackass, I find it hard to make connections. I have no idea how I made the friends I’ve made, actually. I’m generally hopeless with small talk. I find it so tedious talking to new people about my job, my relationship, explaining where I was born, retelling my life story, and all of that. I’m better at asking questions and showing interest in their lives. Sometimes I even do it well. But taking it beyond that initial stage and to the next level…I don’t know how to do it, and besides, how do you know if that other person even wants to?

    I don’t mind not having a busy social calendar. Like I’ve said before, I like how I’ve got things set up. I like cooking dinner every night. I like not having to stay up till 3am doing freelance work like I did one night last week because we were out well past midnight. I like having the time to lose myself in learning a song and playing often enough to maintain calluses, or at least some toughness in my fingers, because starting from scratch hurts like a mofo. I like not wasting perfectly good food that’s gone off because we were barely home four evenings in a row. Weeks like last week are fun, but not all the time.

    But yes, community is probably something I could use a little more of. People in Auckland.  A professional community perhaps. Otherwise, the closest thing I’ve developed this year is a blogging community. PF and non-PF alike. I’ll definitely be hoping to meet up with some of you when I make it over eventually.

  • Reverb 10: Make


    What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

    Unlike what seems to be the vast majority of bloggers, who all seem to have Etsy shops and make cool necklaces and bracelets out of rusty tin cans and other things found lying around the house…I’m not a crafter. I can’t even draw! I get the cold sweats at the mere mention of Pictionary. Ask me to draw anything trickier than a house or a car and I freeze. (My sketch of a bicycle was once mistaken for carrots. No joke.)

    No, the last thing I made would have been something food related. I bake at least once a week, and at least one of my days off is usually spent mostly in the kitchen. While I am probably better at cooking (marginally) as it’s less of a science than baking, I have a strange addiction to playing with dough. Whether it’s pizza dough or cookie dough, I could spend all day kneading and mushing and rolling. And the very last thing I made was shortbread, which was surprisingly easy and most of all, DELICIOUS.

    One thing I would like to do is update my vision board. The name is a little misleading; it’s not very visionary at al. It’s more of a motivation board, really. Pictures to remind me of my goals and motivate me to accomplish them. Before embarking on that though, I need to sit down and nut out some resolutions for 2011.

    In other news: Thanks to Miss T at Prairie EcoThrifter for including me in this week’s Carnival of Personal Finance! I’m currently leaning towards shelling out for the full car insurance, but would love your input if you haven’t already weighed in.

    And the news you’ve been waiting for: The winner of my $60 CSN Stories giveaway is…Gem! Yay, I’m emailing you right now.

  • Reverb10: Wonder

    How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

    That’s simple. Stop. Slow down. Take a moment, or several, to pause. To appreciate. To cultivate a habit of gratitude and observation, no matter how busy your day.

    For me, wonder is closely associated with nature. It’s running through Cornwall Park in the middle of the afternoon, blood coursing through my veins, breathing in so deeply I can feel it all the way at the bottom of my lungs.

    It’s the sound and smell of waves lapping on the beach; the startling cold of plunging into the early summer sea, the pungent salt almost visible in the air.

    It is the crunching of crisp, russet autumn leaves under my shoes and the glorious pink of cherry blossoms bordering a quiet street.

    It is the baby-soft skin on my boyfriend’s inner arm and the squeal of his – our – baby niece.

    It’s walking home clutching a bag of fresh fruit on a scorching day, looking up to see nary a cloud in the cerulean sky, feeling full to bursting with the sheer energy of being alive, of having all your senses stimulated, of being able to appreciate the amazing, beautiful world which I am a part of.

    And it’s also stepping back and assessing what I’ve done and where I’ve come from. It’s sitting around the table with my girlfriends from school, and realising that five years ago we were graduating high school, and today we’re a doctor, audiologist, accountant, osteopath, scientist, journalist.

    Wonder is a wonderful thing. I want more of it.