fbpx

Browsing category: Uncategorized

  • February 14, 2013

    My lifelong affair with reading

    i love reading books colour coded bookshelfThe single biggest influence in my life to date has been, without a doubt, reading.

    Books – the Chalet School, Famous Five, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew – make up some of my earliest childhood memories. In summer, when I would be sent to bed when it was still light outside, I’d pull out a book once my door was shut and devour as many chapters as I could before dark set in.

    I can honestly say I’ve learned almost everything in life through reading, starting with books, then moving on to magazines and blogs.

    I learned about friendships, and romantic relationships, and what I should expect from them. Most of it was poor, and inaccurate, but there were certainly nuggets of wisdom among the chaff.

    I learned about work, and careers, and formed my own opinions on what’s right for me and what most of us can realistically expect from adult life.

    I’ve learned about writing, reporting, and later blogging, and if it weren’t for reading, I don’t see how I could ever have decided I wanted to become a writer myself.

    I’ve learned about location independence, long term travel, solopreneurship and alternatives to the traditional life trajectory.

    It makes me sad when people tell me they don’t like to read. I love the written word more passionately than almost anything in the world, so I take this almost as a personal insult. Books have opened up so many worlds to me, and that joy is something I wish for everyone else.

    Literacy is a wonderful thing.

    (Last year’s Valentine’s post // And one from the year before)

  • February 12, 2013

    Bad money habits: the boyfriend edition

    Sometimes T’s costly financial habits get up my nose.

    • Snacks and drinks. He doesn’t like drinking water and most of his money goes on random food purchases and Coke/juice/flavoured milk. I won’t lie, it frustrates me. Technically he has his own allowance, but still, sometimes spends extra out of the account on stuff. That’s when I get annoyed.
    • Tailgating. This can be an expensive habit. New Zealand drivers tend to be heinous tailgaters (2 second rule, guys! 4 seconds on the motorway!) and he is up there with the worst of them. Amazingly, only one of the car accidents he’s been in was caused by following too closely (all of the rest can be chalked up to even worse drivers out there. On Sunday night he had a narrow brush with death – I’m kind of glad he was on his bike, because if he’d been in the car it would probably have been written off and I just can’t deal with something like that right now. OTOH, he’s a bit banged up and since he has yet to seek medical attention, I may be staying home today to deal with that).
    • None of his sunglasses ever lasts longer than a few months – not because they break, but because he loses them. I have no idea how or where. He also used to lose his wallet on a regular basis (which he’s outgrown, touch wood) and every so often wakes me up in the morning with his muttered curses at having misplaced his keys. Worst of all, most of his phones have been replaced due to loss rather than breakage or upgrading. This distinguished history includes losing at least one phone out a car window on the road.

    But look, I’d like to think I’m gracious enough to admit to my faults. Here we are, then:

     

    • Imagine this: the pantry is bare or we just don’t feel like eating toast (because that’s all that’s left). I’m more likely to buy food rather than go grocery shopping like I should.
    • I cannot keep track of cash. It’s hopeless.
    • I have a tendency to throw good money after bad. Blown the grocery budget on cheese? Eh, what’s another week over budget? Or another breakfast straight from the bakery?

    What are your weaknesses? I want to know…!

  • February 11, 2013

    Why I hate Valentine’s Day

    Why I hate Valentine's Day

    Seriously. I don’t care about Valentine’s Day at all.

    As a singleton, it’s a surefire way to feel terrible about your aloneness.

    As a couple, it’s about stupid societal pressure to validate your love through grand, sweeping gestures.

    Me, I’m not one for overdone romantic schtick. (But then again, I’m not engaged to a millionaire. Maybe things would be different if we played in the world of private yachts, holiday homes and personal chefs. We exist in a much more humble and down-to-earth dimension.) The best thing I could possibly imagine (on Valentine’s Day or any other day) would be to come home to dinner and a freshly scrubbed house. Literally.

    Valentine’s Day is about expecting guys in particular to go all out and to plan insanely amazing days for their partners. And as girls, are we supposed to feel let down or as though missing out – or as if our BFs are lacking – if they don’t come up with extravagant gifts and gestures?

    Thursday will be just another day, as we more or less ignore it. Maybe we’ll go out to eat, and maybe I’ll go watch The Princess Bride down at Silo Park with some friends.

    Tell me, how do you feel about Valentine’s Day? What’s the most/least romantic gesture anyone ever made towards you?

  • February 10, 2013

    Link love (Powered by hard talk and apple pie)

    link love nzmuseI have money on the brain. (Might that be because money was a source of stress this week? Quite likely.)

    So, I present to you my favourite money quotes this week, all courtesy of Jen Dziura.

    •  Money is not proportional to effort. It is related to where you put the effort. I cannot emphasize this point enough. Some people empty city trash cans all day long. I’m sure it is very hard work, and yet it pays very poorly. Working harder at emptying trash cans will not improve the situation.
    • You can dedicate all your efforts to making the most money with the least effort. Then, give a lot of effort. You will make a lot of money. This is what 80% of dudes are doing. And maybe 15% of women. I think a lot of women feel unnecessarily guilty for making (or trying to make) more money than they think they “deserve.” Money is a point system and a game that has a limited correlation to effort and value.
    • One good way to make the most money with the least effort is to go where very rich people are, and make their lives better or easier. You can be paid very handsomely for this.
    • Money solves 90% of problems and gives you time to think about the other 10% of existential quandaries.

    On a happier note, it’s fun to look back on posts from years gone by!

     

    Blast from the past

     

    One year ago I fondly recounted my blogging history, used Tom and Lynette to discuss power plays in relationships and listed five of my food favourites in Auckland.

    Two years ago I talked about dealing with a partner’s debt and waiting for your world to change.

    2010 was a bit of a bust, but back in 2009 I did weigh up the benefits of living alone vs living with others. (We haven’t had flatmates now for nearly 3 years, so…)

    And for the rest of the links…

    WORK/CAREER

    Here’s the Make a Living Writing guide to getting started as a freelance writer

    Jess Lively recounts her business school experience, the good and the bad

    For a laugh: the 7 worst jobs according to Yes I Am Cheap

    Should you let your teenage daughter become a model? Isaac Likes has the answer

    LIFE
    Gen Y Girl reminds us that small changes can have big results

    Makeup and Mirtazapine on dealing with friends going through tough times

    I also loved Love Addict’s post on the things she isn’t afraid of

    FOOD
    Beef roast! Via Condiments on a City Life

    A warming chorizo salad from Wandering Food Lover

    My Pretty Pennies dishes up a quick cucumber salad

    Still on a salad roll: Smitten Kitchen’s celery and dijon egg salad

    A haul of 15 Chinese New Year recipes at Closet Cooking.

    Also, a shout out to Savvy Scot, who’s hosting a whopping £300 giveaway! Though I’m mentioning it here on the blog, it’s because I want extra chances to win. So you should definitely NOT enter 😉

  • February 9, 2013

    Same old same old money arguments

    Ever feel like you’ve having the same arguments in your relationships? Over and over and over again?
    fighting about money, same old money arguments
    While we can all learn better habits and sometimes refine certain characteristics, at the core I don’t think people really change. I know which of my quirks that get up T’s nose, and I (sort of) try to minimise them. I’ve resigned myself to his, though I still try to ‘improve’ him from time to time.

    What is it they say – relationships usually split over religion, sex, or money? For us, it’s the latter that’s most contentious.

    This week has not been a good one. It dragged up an old debate that underpins our biggest conflict. Namely, that T is a lot better with money than he used to be, but ultimately he’s a spender, and he’s not into delayed gratification.

    Financially, I’m on the losing end of this relationship. I also accept that I always have to be the CFO, and yes, the mean one. It is a struggle, but I’m okay with being the one responsible for maintaining balance.

    But every so often, when I put down the stern/depressing word after we/he are slipping, he goes into a funk of the ‘I’m not good enough/I hold you back and it never changes’ variety. Of course – if you keep doing things the same way, you’re going to get the same results.

    I know what I’m working with here and I am willing to work around it. But from where I’m standing, I need him to help me out and do his part.

    What’s your eternal relationship conflict, if you’re willing to share?

  • February 8, 2013

    Functionality vs beauty: where I stand

    You know how on TV and in movies, the default compliment to any wife/mother character is always “You have such a beautiful home”?

    I can pretty safely assert that nobody is ever going to say that to me.

    I have very little patience for things that serve no practical purpose.

    Example: flowers. (Unfortunately, they are the default gift for female acquaintances, it seems; I got two lots at my engagement party/housewarming. That or wine, which I also detest.) There will be no flowers at my wedding. They also harbour pollen and require disposal before long.

    Example: food garnishes. Why oh why would I ever want to augment a perfectly good dish with a full chili just for decoration, which nobody is going to eat? With a sprig of parsley, which I would immediately ditch? If I’m going to have to pick it off straight away, it has no place there in the first place.

    Look, I’m all about form over function. While I admire beautiful shoes (which, for women, are almost always perched on killer heels) and Young House Love-worthy interiors, it’s always from a perspective of “that’s AMAZING – but not for me”. It’s genuine admiration without the desire to imitate, without jealousy, without inspiration. I get that having beautiful surroundings matter to most people, but I actually get kind of antsy looking at lovely spreads of homes decked out with all manner of ornaments, prints and other accessories. I ooh and ahh over friends’ crafty projects (or friends’ magazines that are full of crafty projects), but I’d never think of doing them myself (shudder).

    It’s hypocritical on my part, since my house is filled with crap. We’re not tidy. We sprawl. Our stuff spreads out of control over the week. When things come in, they never leave – so I try to not let things in in the first place.

    I’m working on it. Trying not to bring home freebies that I won’t use, for example. Lemon boat juicer, in. Umbrella, in. Junky PR trinkets, out. Makeup and skincare – pared back, and extras that I’ll never use given away.

    But I’m ashamed to admit the pile of stuff that I meant to give away when we first moved into this house has been sitting in a corner of our bedroom ever since. It’s been well over a year.

  • February 7, 2013

    My new worst fear of all

    So, apparently a guy I went to high school with has gone blind. A hereditary thing, but still a terrifying thing nonetheless.

    Because I was a morbid type of teen with too much time on my hands, I used to like to ponder things like whether I would rather lose my sight or my hearing. I was hardcore into music at the time, and I never could decide.

    Today, I would much rather be deaf than blind. Being blind would be incredibly limiting – I don’t know that I could work, really – and I’d lose the ability to read, my most favourite thing in the world. I’d be dependent on others around me, financially and in pretty much every other way.the biggest fear - my biggest fear is going blind. photo - eye reflection

    That said, I have pretty terrible eyesight as it is, and my bad vision does not come cheap. Basic lenses cost $200 these days, and you can double or triple that for the thinner lenses that higher prescriptions require. (How high is mine? I’d almost rather tell you my bra size, so embarrassing is it.)

    The worsening seems to have slowed, with my latest test showing changes mostly in my degree of astigmatism. This explains a LOT, like why I naturally lift my head when I’m straining to see something, or why the middle letters on the vision test were blurrier than those on the outside edges. I have fucked up curvature, let me tell you – one eye is 170 and the other at 2. I asked my optometrist why that might have changed, and she basically told me it was a mix of nature and nurture – genes and environment. My mother is also astigmatic, and I do a buttload of computer work – 8 hours plus a day due to work and play (probably close to 12 hours some days when I have a lot of freelance work on).

    This summer, I went to relax outside on the deck one sunny afternoon, an aspiration cut short when I freaked out at the realisation there was a black spot dancing across the blazing red field of my closed eyes. One that didn’t dissipate no matter how much I blinked and that moved when my eyes moved. Some Google searches later, I resigned myself to the fact that this floater was yet another sign of aging and will be with me forever. My little friend was initially only really visible against light backgrounds, but now if I concentrate, I can sometimes see it against busier backdrops. Sometimes I freak myself out first thing in the morning thinking I can see a whole army of floaters, one resembling a flock of migratory swallows on the move. I’m pretty sure I’m imagining those.

    My optometrist tells me I need to watch out for flashes of light, and get myself to a hospital quicksmart to avoid retina detachment and loss of sight. Heinous ex flatmate, the one who owes me nearly a grand, underwent a similar surgery some time ago. Now, there’s a part of me convinced the very worst is going to happen.

  • February 6, 2013

    Does pay-what-you-want really work?

    pay only what you wantAs a business model, it’s apparently a more successful technique than you might think.

    When I switched to self-hosting recently, Akismet wasn’t automatically enabled on my new blog. I had to go register on its site to get a key, and decide how much, if anything, I wanted to pay for it. I think the wording on the page was ‘what is Akismet worth to you’? There was a bar on a sliding spectrum, which defaulted to somewhere in the middle (something like $36). As I dragged it down to $0, I felt a slight twinge of guilt. But the pang didn’t last long, given that I was used to having it for free already.

    There’ll always be customers who abuse privileges. But apparently at restaurants that offer pay-what-you-want, a lot of people willingly pay more than the recommended price. (That makes up for the other who don’t fork out for the full amount.) After all, nobody wants to look like a cheapskate.

    I can’t say I’ve ever visited one of these restaurants – if anyone knows of one in Auckland, holler! – but I definitely would be too embarrassed to pay much less than I thought it was worth. (That said, I do think restaurant food is often heinously overpriced and that our portion sizes are way too stingy.)

    I did, however, head along to one of the night shows at the recent International Buskers Festival, which I think ran for about 2.5 hours, though we only caught the last hour. They put on quite a strong sales pitch right at the end, reminding us that our tips would be split between all the acts ($20 per person would be a good contribution, I believe they suggested) and that an equivalent ticketed show would cost about $100; after all, some of the things we saw were really amazing – tricks with bikes, pogo sticks, incredible balancing stunts, fire whips, sword swallowing, and more. Predictably, most of the crowd gapped it pretty quickly straight after the last performer. It was a strong reminder of how we value – or don’t value – what we don’t pay for. Thing is, I doubt many of us would have paid to go see these street acts otherwise. I know I wouldn’t have, and I’m thankful to Auckland City for organising the public show for the 13th year. FYI, all I had was a few dollars in change, so I certainly didn’t stump up $20 myself.

    Ever been to a place that offers pay-what-you-will? How would you handle it?

  • February 5, 2013

    Are you an emotional eater?

    I used to be an emotional eater. I used to be a whole lot more emotional, really, back when teenage life was just one looooong neverending drama. And to cope, I turned to one of my biggest loves (I don’t know whether food can beat out books, but I suppose given I need one to continue physically existing, it has the edge).emotional eating

    No, these days I’ve become someone completely different. Someone I would probably hate, actually. When I’m super on edge, I’ll do two things: start writing a ranty blog post in my head, then start itching for a run. Yes, a RUN. As in physical exercise, lace on your shoes, foot in front of the other, sweating it out.

    While I can’t intellectually understand eating disorders (I mean, I understand psychologically it’s about control, but I cannot imagine ever purposely depriving myself of food. Ever) I can actually imagine becoming somewhat addicted to exercise. The endorphin high really is something. And it feels good after, unlike when you’ve stuffed yourself silly with Tim Tams and feel like making sad whale sounds while curled up on the couch. I often finish up a run feeling I could have gone on for longer, wanting to go on for longer. When I take too long a break between runs, I find myself wondering “Why didn’t I do this before?!” in the first minute after leaving the house. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

    That said, I don’t know if I can really call myself much of a runner. I run. But the reality is … Twice a week, if I’m good. More than half an hour, if I’m good. Close to an hour, if I’m REALLY good. Lots of the time I just do a few blocks. I’ve done a couple of 10k races and done well, and I’m sure I have it in me to do longer runs – but as much as I’d like to say I’d done a full or half marathon, I don’t really want to. Proper long distances and me aren’t on super buddy buddy terms. I sometimes rather stay indoors and stretch properly while using my flex belt.

    I try to mix it up and incorporate a sprint into most runs. As T says, I’m kind of fit now that I run regularly. But it’s a fun thing for me; I don’t push myself, because I don’t really want to and I don’t see the need to. I’m keeping it light and enjoyable. Is that such a bad thing? Do you push yourself physically, or do you take exercise pretty casually as well?

    But back to food. I still eat for pleasure, but I no longer use it as a comforter or a crutch (though I kind of wanted to this weekend). Over time, I’ve also stopped stuffing myself at dinner time and learned to eat more slowly. It’s a strange feeling, not being uncomfortably full at night (and sometimes I underdo it and find myself hungry again before bed). But it enables me to actually DO things after dinner, rather than being so drained of energy and motivation that I just want to veg out with a book or New Girl before rolling my ass into bed.

    Do you have a healthy relationship with food? What did it take for you to get there? And, what’s your exercise style?

  • February 5, 2013

    Bullshit free bride: Something had to go wrong eventually…

    bullshit free bride nzmuse

    It was inevitable, really.

    I was initially wary about the whole bridal party schtick. I was thinking about roping in the people I consider my closest friends, all of whom are guys. Much as I love my girlfriends, we don’t really see each other all that often, and I know that I’m not a huge priority for them, as they all have much larger social circles than I do (they tend to be flakey, and I’ve been disappointed by them many times). One in particular got booted from bridesmaid privileges in another wedding previously, though in her defence, she was preoccupied with law school at the time.

    But for various reasons, finally I decided I would ask two of the girls to be my bridesmaids, my two oldest friends of the lot. All went well. They were super excited, and insisted there had to be a hen’s night (bachelorette party). That was maybe 3 weeks ago?

    This weekend one of them told me that she’d been accepted for a year-long paid internship overseas – an AMAZING opportunity for her, especially as she hasn’t been able to find work in her field since graduating. She leaves next month. And she is most likely not going to be at the wedding. (I told her we’d stream her in through Skype or FaceTime or something on the day, if she wants. We also have two other friends getting married within the year, which she may miss as well, given that it’s both expensive and inconvenient to come back. I totally get it. I wouldn’t, either. But if she ends up coming back for any of the others, let’s be honest: I’ll be pissed.)

    Disappointment ensues. I haven’t yet talked to the other (and I’m hoping she isn’t going to bail on me – I can’t help but worry something is going to happen, even though she assures me her hospital has her rostered off for that day).  This leaves me with a couple of options: incorporate T’s nieces into my bridal party (which is cool, as I wanted them to play some kind of role) or recruit my dude friends. Probably not both, as that would make for too many people. Either way, given it’s a small event (<50 people) we’ll have photos taken with all our friends anyway.

    • Previous
    Next