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Browsing category: Uncategorized

  • November 12, 2012

    My friends are living out Pride and Prejudice

    Except with an Indian twist, that is.

    The unattached ones find their love lives open to public scrutiny. Family, friends, etc are all invested in finding a match (a thought at which intensely private me recoils in revulsion). None are set for arranged marriages, as such, but finding a partner is definitely a collective rather than an individual effort. It’s not quite carriages and balls and waiting for the gentlemen to call by in the afternoon, but more speakerphone calls while family members listen with bated breath.

    I find the matchmaking process endlessly fascinating. Parents talking up their children to other parents. Blatantly pushing the kids together and hoping they hit it off. The subtle (and not-so-subtle) allusions on the part of grandparents and elder relatives.

    And most of all, the compressed timeline. We’re still so young, but marriage is serious business. And when it comes to nuptials, time is short. We’re looking at a year – maybe – from meeting to marriage. That means where you or I might give things a try and see if they work out with someone, for my friends that means doing some serious forecasting and projecting, deciding straight off the bat based on the scant information hand whether potential hurdles are surmountable, or whether they mean that prospect is not worth pursuing. Risk is scorned, as it can be when you have the luxury of choice before emotions enter the equation.

    I listen to the lively conversations, and participate as best as I can. But I simply can’t fathom their reality. I’ve been with T… seven years? I still feel barely ready to tie the knot. (And yes, I can hear you already. What if we’d met at the age we are now? Maybe things would be different. And maybe you’re right, but I am almost positive a year would still be far too short. I’m indecisive; a second-guesser; a slow mover and heel-dragger.)

  • November 10, 2012

    Link love (Powered by mochachinos and Coldplay)

    • It must be bloody near impossible to study when you have a kid. Infinitely more so as a single parent.
    • It must be incredibly hard, and lonely, to study in a new country where the main language is not your mother tongue.
    • Foreign students often seem to want companionship just as much as the tutoring.
    • In helping to edit/proof their work, am I doing them a long-term disservice? If they can’t write coherent reports now, how will they manage out in the real world?

    In other news, I was offered free passes to Coldplay tonight – so that’s where I’ll be spending my Saturday! A free show is hard to say no to, and I imagine there’ll be enough songs to sing along to at this particular concert to make it worth the while.

    Blast from the past:

    One year ago, we moved house.

    Two years ago, I talked about why running is the only form of exercise that I get along with, what it’s like being a woman in publishing, our car history, and the evergreen NZ vs Australia debate.

    Three years ago, I broke down what my degree cost me and my most frugal/splurgey habits.

    This week’s links:

    Berrak has a rather lovely post on friendship in your 20s.

    Amy reflects on how she’s often surprised when other people actually like her. Me too. Me too.

    Linda details the savings to be had with a Prius.

    Paula explains why she’s a fan of knocking out big financial goals one at a time, rather than chipping away at them incrementally.

    Leslie wonders whether goals are really necessary in order to succeed.

    Carol Tice makes the case for raising your rates right now.

    Alison Green (aka Ask A Manager) lists six things to think about before a job interview.

    Alexis Grant explains how to use Facebook groups as part of your social media strategy.

    Finally, thanks to Femme Frugality, who hosted the latest Lifestyle Carnival, including my review of The Conservatory at Wynyard Quarter, and new carnival The Money Mail, complete with my ramblings on online shopping in New Zealand.

    Happy weekends, all!

     

  • November 9, 2012

    Friday Five: The facts of life

    Things I have learned about adulthood:

    Arriving two hours ahead of your flight at the airport is usually overkill.

    That said, I’m too chicken to risk it, because I know the one time I cut it close will be the one time it all goes wrong. (ETA: Since I first started writing this post, I’ve cut it close. And sure enough, luggage mishaps meant we nearly missed our flight. Those people whose names get read out loud over the sound system as a last call? That was us, just as we hurried through the carry-on bag scan.)

    Mail is never a good thing.

    Getting letters was fun when you were a kid. It was a novelty, because really, when did you ever get mail apart from when your penpals wrote to you or family from overseas sent cards? (Do people still do that kind of thing, by the way?) Nowadays, when you see items in the letterbox, it’s always bills, bills, bills. Everyone wants your money, be it the IRD, the transport authorities, your insurance company, the gym, whatever. Or, in one case, a debt collector chasing up T for driving off from a petrol station without paying. A genuine mistake, but one that came with a stupid tax – though at least it isn’t one going on his record.

    Occasionally you will eat cake for lunch and ice cream for dinner.

    Or is it just me? Tell me it isn’t just me.

    It’s true, heels can make your legs look better.

    I did not believe this until recently. When I bought my first pair of heels, I was, to say the least, unimpressed. I’d like to think that while my legs are not particularly muscular, they are pretty shapely. And the way heels crunched my calf muscles higher up on the leg was not pretty. I’m strictly a flats girl on a daily basis (I have insanely flat feet, so I’ve never had trouble in terms of arch support) but even the very sporadic busting out of heels for awards ceremonies, fancy dinners and other such occasions seems to have made my legs more accustomed to the stress of walking around on tiptoe. Now, they look just as good as anyone else’s.

    Finally, and on a more serious note: People will disappoint you.

    I was always a bit emo, a bit pessimistic, a bit sceptical. However, no matter how jaded you are when you start out, the capacity for other human beings to piss you off and let you down … well, you haven’t even scratched the surface.

  • November 8, 2012

    Review: Fatherland

    Fatherland
    By Robert Harris

    review: fatherland by robert harris

    I picked this up randomly off the ‘recently returned’ bookshelf at my local library. Turns out this book made the author, a humble journalist, famous – and this was the 20th anniversary edition.

    If you have a thing for dystopic novels or an interest in WWII, Fatherland will probably ring all your bells. History buffs will probably appreciate Harris’ efforts to stay as close to the truth as possible, with characters, events, documents and places often based in fact. This is a world where, in the 1960s, there is a nervous standoff between Germany and the rest of the world. The Nazis managed to cow Europe into submission and starve out the Brits (Churchill and the Queen have fled to Canada) and a cold war ensued between Germany and the US. The Holocaust is suspected, but not proven – and nobody dares to ask the hard questions about where all the Jews went.

    Xavier March is a member of the Kriminalpolizei force. It is 20 years on from Nazi Germany’s victory in World War II and the entire country is gearing up for the grand celebration of the Führer’s birthday and a peacemaking visit from President Kennedy. March, however, finds himself at the centre of a rapidly unfolding drama, beginning with a corpse found in a lake one morning who turns out to be a VIP Nazi official. The Gestapo orders March off the case, but our hardboiled detective refuses to back off, uncovering something much more sinister – a trail of mysterious deaths dating back many years.

    A young American journalist about to be booted from the scene handily gets involved, and together they set about tracking down the truth. Why are these men dead? Who gave the orders? What were they covering up? And once they get to the bottom of the conspiracy, can either of them make it out of the country alive to expose the true nature of the Third Reich?

    Fatherland’s characters are not new: the principled hero, a police officer struggling with a corrupt regime, who has given up his family for the job and believes he’s doing the right thing. The bumbling sidekick, steady but not brilliant, more concerned about his family than about principles. The foreign journalist, young, beautiful and with a thing for older men.

    But the premise is so compelling that the blockbuster personalities can be forgiven. We’re not here for the writing; we’re here for the dark, twisted world the author has imagined and brought to terrifying life.

  • November 7, 2012

    On unabashedly saying no to booze

    As I get older, my tolerance for BS has shrunk to near negligible levels. I just don’t have the time or energy for the things I don’t have time or energy for. You only get one lifetime – one in which the days seem to roll on by ever faster – and I’m not going to play along on matters of convention just because.

    Alcohol is such a founding pillar of both social and work culture, and I’ll admit, I used to drink just to fit in. But I’ve largely called it quits.

    Color Martini: "Maya's drink (at Tokyo Go...

    (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    I hate beer and wine – and that’s usually all that’s ever available at work dos. Occasionally I’ll indulge in, and enjoy, a spirit or a liqueur among friends. But as a rule I generally don’t enjoy booze very much. I had my few years of drinking on weekends, and my fair share of flushed, tipsy photos snapped in the process … and I’m well and truly over it.

    Alcohol is expensive. And I’m a cheapskate. Even at events where booze is flowing freely, I unashamedly abstain. At one particularly tedious evening some time ago, mixers were on offer from the dedicated bartenders, and I thought I’d try to drink to pass the time. A couple of sips in and I called it quits. Lesson learned. (Sorry, I have no qualms about wasting booze.)

    Drunk me is not the best me. One drink – max two – and I’m gone. I’ll probably fall asleep within the hour. If I’m driving (which is also rare), it’s best not to touch a drop. Plus I get the dreaded Asian deep red flush – it’s a full body thing for me. Not attractive; extremely embarrassing.

    And you know what? It’s not as strange or awkward as I anticipated.

    At one industry awards dinner, I refused both the red and white wine as the bottles were offered around. A little while later, my boss simply said, “You don’t drink wine, do you? We might swipe your glass” and passed it on to someone else who was apparently juggling two kinds of vino.

    At a bar meetup with a group of strangers (and one person I’d met once before), I ordered a plain orange juice. “You’re on the hard stuff!” one joked, and didn’t say any more on the matter.

    Occasionally I break ranks. I succumbed to nervous drinking at a lunch function not so long ago, surrounded by chefs, food writers and other hospo types. I couldn’t feel the champagne flush, but sure enough, when I ducked into the bathroom I looked well and truly sunburned. And as it was a four-course meal with a different matched wine with each dish, I tried a few sips of each – figuring it was a rare chance I should seize. (SO. MUCH. WASTE. And is it a prerequisite to love wine in order to earn your ‘foodie’ stripes or what?) Takeaway: I still hate wine, even good wine, and even wines chosen to complement amazing food.

    It’s funny how alcohol and caffeine are our sanctioned drugs of choice. But maybe we’re becoming more accepting of people who don’t partake. I’d like to think so, anyway. With evermore complex dietary requirements becoming commonplace (I swear every third person I come across is either vegan or gluten-free), perhaps we’re becoming less judgemental about whatever others put – or don’t put – into their bodies.

    (This post was partly inspired by Clare and Cait.)

  • November 6, 2012

    Online shopping: a New Zealand perspective

    Since I got my first and only credit card back in 2007 (I still have the same one, although obviously not the exact same physical card as I’ve been through a couple of expiry dates, but the same account nonetheless) I’ve made many big purchases online. Mostly things like hotel reservations, flights, concert tickets.

    When it comes to buying physical goods online, I stick to smaller items. Guitar strings and contact lenses are SO much cheaper online than in shops. I bought my voice recorder and phone recording adapter online. I’ve bought a handful of clothes online, which is okay when you stick to a label you know and where you’re familiar with their sizing. I even played it risky and bought a bass amp online once (a trusted brand, of course).

    My Pretty Pennies recently had a bad experience buying clothes online, which actually inspired this post. See, I recently made my biggest ever purchase of physical goods online. T bought aftermarket full fairings for his bike (which he’s been working on), which cost not far off $1000. They arrived safely, are the right colour, shape and fit, and allowed for an all-round sigh of relief (although for some reason they packaged and sent one lot of bolts separately. Bizarre).

    To date, my only real damp squib remains picking up a genuine leather jacket off TradeMe that was never, ever going to fit me.

    We suffer from high prices and lack of choice here (on a related note, see Vanessa’s guest post on the headache that is shopping in Canada) though NZ Post has a new service, YouShop, that lets NZ shoppers buy items from US online stores to be delivered to a US address, and then on to their NZ address (circumventing policies that exclude NZ delivery, or impose high shipping charges). So it’s no surprise that online shopping is serious biz.

    That said, I’m definitely cautious about buying things off the internet, a fear that rises in proportion with the amount at stake.
    Here’s what I take into consideration.

    Is it a commodity? If so, it’s probably cheaper online. Books, CDs, etc.

    Can I check it out in person first, somehow? I bought my glasses online, but only after I was able to try the exact same pair on in a retail shop. That  was uber important to me because I have a ridiculously wide head and flat nose/face, which means very few frames fit properly. After that, by all means buy the exact same item online at a major discount.

    What about shipping? Shipping costs can kill a bargain. Apparently everyone loves Asos thanks to its free freight around the world. I’m keeping that in mind for the future (when I’m off my shopping ban), but not knowing anything about their sizing, I’d be wary.

    What do you buy online?

  • November 5, 2012

    How I’m dealing with the rising cost of necessities

    You’ve probably felt the pinch of the price of basics going up … and up … and up.

    The cost of living can only ever really go one way (and unfortunately cost of living raises don’t always follow).

    But I’ll admit that I don’t go too far out of my way, as a rule, to save here and there.

    Lately, though, I’ve been rethinking that and upping my efforts a little.

    Burning Money is Financial Crime and Waste in ...

    (Photo credit: epSos.de)

    Saving money on utilities/bills

    There’s not a whole lot we can do to conserve water, really, but I’ve become a stickler for turning things off at the wall. Power prices just keep on rising, and there’s no sign of them abating. It looks like this summer prices per kilowatt are going to be close to 30 cents. Ouch. As for internet, we have a pretty good deal that was possible with a credit repair company called New Day Credit. It could be better, in that we could get more for what we currently pay (or even slightly less money) but at the moment I’m not willing to commit to a 12-month contract with a new company.

    Saving money on groceries

    Somewhere in the past couple of years, we’ve gone from shopping together to me doing most of it. (Part of that is that I’m more confident in driving now, though breaking a wing mirror on a rubbish bin that was on the road rather than the pavement threw me a bit this month.) That means less of T throwing snacks into the trolley (I am bad at saying no) and more of me taking the time to shop for fresh meat and produce at the local Asian supermarket as well. That alone has really helped us keep the grocery bill in check (static, rather than increasing in line with food prices as a whole) because items can sometimes literally be as much as half the price compared to Pak n Save.

    Saving money on petrol

    We only have one car, and T drives it to work. He also drives around a LOT in his spare time. But he’s been cutting that down lately, with one friend in particular exiting his life, and doing a bit more carpooling/sharing of the driving burden rather than always being the one driving. It helps immensely. Seriously, the difference at the end of one week where T had come home every day straight after work and not left the house was half a tank’s worth.

    Are you feeling the pinch of rising costs? What, if anything, are you doing about it?

  • November 3, 2012

    Link love (Powered by custard pies and strawberry milk)

    I remember taping songs off the radio. I remember scouring the early internet for codecs to get Windows Media Player to play MP3s, and struggling to bend RealPlayer to my whims. I remember when my phone had Bluetooth and infrared and both seemed so foreign and cutting edge.

    That was 10 years ago.

    This week, we plugged our hard drive into a PS3 to transfer files. We also played movies on a laptop, movies stored on an external hard drive. And we played the sound through a separate audio dock wirelessly using Bluetooth.

    Technology is a wondrous thing.

    This week’s links:

    Suburban Sweetheart’s raw and honest post about her college experience is incredibly moving.

    Amanda Lee, who lost her mother to cancer, explains her beef with  breast cancer awareness campaigns.

    Loved this Brazen Careerist post: Things you should never say to someone who works from home.

    I can vouch for Tripit, but now thanks to Yes and Yes I have all these other travel apps and sites I need to bookmark.

    Here are some handy tools to make you more efficient with social media, via Grow.

    I recently toyed with the idea of starting a Tumblr devoted to the terrible press releases and pitches I get, but decided I didn’t want to devote any more of my time to those, even for entertainment. Here, Grace Boyle shares some of the doozies she’s received.

    Lastly, I’m also in this week’s carnival of financial camaraderie talking about hybrid cars.

    Happy weekends, all!

  • November 2, 2012

    Five advice columns you need in your life

    5 advice columns you should be reading

    I love me a good advice column. Even more so when it’s penned by a sharp woman who is ONTO it. Here are my regular must-reads.

    Ask A Manager

    Alison Green is one of the most prolific bloggers in my Google Reader, posting multiple times a day with answers to a multitude of reader questions spanning the gamut from job-hunting to job-leaving and everything in between, like dealing with icky bosses and sucky colleagues. Your one-stop shop for everything workplace advice.

    Pink Slipped

    Susannah Breslin’s Forbes column is not strictly advice. But it is a no-BS column that often offers food for thought for writers and entrepreneurs, some of it actionable, some more thought-provoking and some just plain entertaining, like her frequent journalistic pieces about the porn industry (her beat).

    Bullish

    Jen Dziura is the kind of intelligent, successful woman I could only ever dream of being. The smartest, most thoughtful agony aunt for professional dilemmas (the Cheryl Strayed for the workplace, perhaps), she is an idol among the other Gen Y females at my workplace.

    Penelope Trunk

    This lady needs no introduction. Love her or hate her, agree with her or not, she calls it like she sees it and often gets it right. Brutally honest (sometimes too open, some might say) and always provocative.

    Smart, Pretty, Awkward

    Molly Ford has built a successful blog off a very simple formula: three short snippets every day to help you be smarter, prettier and (less) awkward. Fun but practical bite-sized tips you can implement right there and then.

    What are your favourite advice blogs?

  • November 1, 2012

    My guide to finding a wedding venue in Auckland

    Bullshit free bride: my guide to finding a wedding venue in auckland

    I used to keep a mental tally, when I was younger, of all the mature things I achieved that day vs the stupid things that let me down. For example, I might have come up with a witty retort to someone insulting me (unlikely, I’ve never been quick on my feet, unlike some of the silvertongued out there) but managed to trip and fall flat on my face in front of a crowd of people.

    Well, if I was still doing that, I could definitely add crying on the streets of Avondale to the latter column. I can’t remember the last time I cried in public, and this was quite humiliating. We’d just seen our first possible wedding venue, which I had high hopes for (FIRST BIG MISTAKE). It wasn’t quite what I thought – smaller and dimmer than the stunning pictures I’d seen suggested – and the proprietor was both intimidating and reticent.

    Interviewing is the worst part of my job, for me, especially in-person interviews. Love the writing; not so much the dealing with people. And it’s been a long time since I dealt with someone so … not forthcoming. Someone I had to drag every word out of. Not the kind of person I want to be dealing with when it comes to wedding planning.

    We left, crossed the street to where T’s motorbike was parked, and I melted into a hot, teary mess. I think I was PMS-y at the time, and blubbed for about 10 minutes. It was a totally disproportionate reaction to the situation, but that’s what went down. Bridezilla, stay your ground.

    So, not the most auspicious start to wedding venue recon.

    However.

    The next place,  while there was a bit of a kerfuffle to get there (a bit of phone tag, T having to work late and throwing our appointment into jeopardy, etc), was an entirely different experience. The staff at this affordable wedding venue in West Auckland were friendly but laid-back and instantly made me feel at ease. The deal was sealed when I learned the onsite chapel is being de-sanctified. I may have said this before, but neither of us is religious, so a church wedding didn’t feel right to me. A church that isn’t a church? So very, very us.

    So it’s official: the Corban Estate Arts Centre is the place for us, with its little chapel, and its ex-wine cellar that’s now a function room.

    Of course, it wasn’t as easy as that. We may only have visited two places, but before that came countless hours spent on Google, wedding forums, and so many venue aggregation sites.

    Finding a wedding venue in Auckland

    I excluded so many Auckland wedding venues that didn’t advertise prices on their website. It’s pretty obvious which ones are swanky and beyond the budget. I emailed a couple more and got slammed with sticker shock. And of course, any venues that I’d seen in the pages of NZ Weddings (copies of which I sneakily browsed during my lunch hour at work) were automatically out. (Same for any business seen in that magazine, really. If they can afford to advertise in there, I can’t afford them.)

    For anyone who’s interested, some other Auckland wedding venues I considered and discarded for various reasons were:

    Aside from price, the other major issue was finding somewhere to hold both ceremony and reception. It was friggin’ impossible. Another two places I was seriously considering – and that would have been next on my viewing list – are Beaufords Totara Park and the  Botanic Gardens, which would have catered for both parts of the wedding and had reasonable all-inclusive per person rates.

    Choosing Corban means choosing DIY over convenience. The thing about choosing a wedding venue that is all about hosting events and has its own staff and does its own catering … is that much of the work is taken care of for you. Going the other route may be cheaper, but it means YOU have to take care of all the logistics. The former sounds appealing in many ways – I’d quite like to peel off into the sunset at the end of the day and have that be that – but at the same time, I’m really happy with this choice. It sets the whole tone for the wedding and reflects who we are – down to earth, unfussy, casual. T suggested having a backyard hangi for our reception many moons ago, which I promptly quashed. But we’re both definitely more homestyle BBQ than we are get-dressed-up-and-visit-a-five-star-restaurant. This feels right.

    And so it begins. There’ll be posts in the future, no doubt, about my adventures in planning a BS-free wedding. I don’t have the time, energy or headspace to deal with any drama, and that is going to be my guiding principle.

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