fbpx

Browsing tag: life

  • March 1, 2012

    The lives I’d like to lead

    Imagine the life you’d like to live, they say – and take steps toward making it a reality.

    One of my favourite reads this month came from Paranoid Asteroid, writing about the life she has vs the life she wants (albeit more a post about consumerism than anything else).

    Personally…

    English: Bullseye on a standard Harrows Bristl...

    Image via Wikipedia

    I’d like to be good enough to play in a band.

    I’d like to be an amazing cook.

    I’d like to be a blogger who makes lots of money blogging.

    I’d like to be part of a high-earning power couple.

    I’d like to be a travel nomad.

    I’d like to buy a house and put down roots.

    I’d like to be a frugal but stylish blogger who always looks put together.

    There is no way I can do all of these things.

    Part of finding balance is making choices.

    Pick the things that really matter.

    Identify the one, two or three goals that you truly care about, and attack them.

    That’s my deep thought for the day. Go forth and epiphanise (yes, I am making it a verb) for yourself.

  • February 14, 2012

    Find a girl who…

    blogs. She will chronicle all the milestones – and the mundane – of your life together for posterity.

    plays the guitar. One day she might actually play in front of your friends, or write you a corny song (misery offers far more original and infinite inspiration). And you’ll have a talking point on your overseas travels.

    sings to herself. Because life is just too short not to.

    runs. You know she will return to you, as long as a return is merited.

    eats. Because food is the greatest love language of all.

    (Last year’s Valentine post is here.)

     

  • February 2, 2012

    Friendships of the double x chromosome

    Original caption: Ne ties a friendship bracele...

    I recall reading on a blog once that one thing (among a long list) that men can never understand is the complicated dynamic of female friendships.

    Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never had a fight with a friend. Male or female.

    During school, there have been times when my friends and I tried to run away from a girl who wanted to be friends with us. Real mature, I know.

    I’ve had friends turn on me or ditch me for various reasons, then come back to me.

    I’ve been jealous of friends striking up closer bonds with other friends than with me.

    And sometimes been insecure in my place as one of a few girls in a mainly male social circle.

    But a proper throwdown, shouting or silent-treatment argument?

    Never.

    That said, rivalry has played a part in a couple of friendships for me. I think that it was mainly one-sided (ie, in my head), to be honest. But the outcomes were very different. One I still consider a friend, if not a close one; the other, an acquaintance whose social circles sometimes overlap with mine – we can play nice together socially, but you wouldn’t catch us hanging out by ourselves.

    In the first case, we instantly bonded upon meeting in school – we were both emo, introspective soulmates, sarcastic, tough, too clever for our own good. We were good at many of the same things and almost went to the same university to do the same degree. I was glad she didn’t, to be honest. I would’ve gotten too competitive, and I don’t think it would have been healthy for us. I always saw her as a spunkier, more charismatic me (perhaps what I should aspire to be in a parallel world) and in my younger, more insecure days, sometimes that was a bit threatening. Don’t get me wrong; while she can be a hard case, she has a big heart, and I’ll never forget her taking me under her wing after my first big breakup. I admire her hugely, and she’s the only person I know who’s been toughing it out on her own longer than me, having been largely independent since about 14.

    For various reasons we drew apart. We studied different things, but now work in similar fields, which brought us closer together. I honestly think that we’ll be able to catch up once every three, five, ten years and still get along awesomely, no matter where our life paths take us.

    In the second case, we met, I think, through mutual friends. We were good time friends, and that’s how it always was. We were part of the same crew, hanging out after school and on weekends. I thought we had a lot in common. And I thought possibly we could be good friends, if not necessarily BFFs.

    Thing is, at the core of it, she was simply cold. There were some people she treated extremely well, and others who seemed just pawns to her. It was tough to relate to someone who’d never had to work for anything. She was kinda vain (and more photogenic, if not downright better-looking than me. I suppose that’s where the competition was at, in my head, but at least I always had nice-ness on my side, for whatever that’s worth). And ultimately, she talked shit about me. (There’s discussing your friends behind their backs, in private. And then there’s straight bitchy comments – not the kind you would ever utter aloud about a true friend – just while you’ve stepped out of the room, to their flatmate, of all people. Plus trolling your blog.)

    I’m really curious to hear your thoughts on female friendship. And have you ever had one of a competitive nature, real or imagined?

  • January 31, 2012

    One month in: Getting balance / Getting ahead

    yellow brick road

    Image by airdiogo via Flickr

    Life is hurtling by.

    It’s terrifying.

    Here’s what’s going on, one month on into 2012.

    Getting balance

    I’ve crossed off a few things off my life list – making pasta, ice cream and mac and cheese from scratch, for starters. Between the cookbooks I’ve been given and the blogs I read, I have no shortage of recipes to keep me on my culinary toes. Bonus: it’s a good way to practise photography.

    I started learning Daughter by Pearl Jam, which includes a pretty funky tuning.

    I’ve also looked into volunteering opportunities and reached out to a few, so we’ll see if any pan out.

    Elsewhere, I have a weekend trip coming up in a few days (hurrah!) and fitting in runs, reading, guitar and relationship time. Surely this can’t last?!

    Getting ahead

    I headed back to work on the 5th. This gave me a couple of days to get settled in and get ahead before the full daily routine resumed. And it gave me the chance to get organised with my files and folders on my work computer – something I BADLY needed to do. Now to keep it up…

    I’ve signed up to Ramit Sethi’s (of I Will Teach You To Be Rich) Dream Job course. Most useful IMO so far have been his email scripts and videos with mock salary negotiation skits – I picked up some great phrases for future use. For all the things they teach you at uni, email etiquette in business communication is not one, and for all the negotiation advice to be found, actual wording is tough to come by.

    I’m getting more active on my IRL Twitter account, making an effort to reach out and engage; getting more active in LinkedIn, now that I’ve found some groups that aren’t so spammy and full of self-promotion; and commenting on the odd industry blog under my real name. This does make it a pain switching between accounts. A work in progress, I suppose.

    And I’ve hopped on the Codecademy bandwagon, in particular, the Code Year programme. Basically, they email you every week with a list of exercises to complete. By the end, the idea is you’ll be competent in Javascript.

    • A few thoughts thus far: It’s a good idea. The gamification and points earned element is fun.
    • BUT. I feel there’s too much content covered in each silo. Slow it down, really drill home each new lesson, and do fewer of them in a week.
    • Some of the exercises are poorly worded and some of the hints are confusing or unhelpful. Thankfully, there’s a user forum for Q&As.
    • For me, the jargon is overwhelming. And the syntax! I’m used to very basic HTML, which makes sense to me. Here, I feel I’m passing each step but not really learning, or gaining a real understanding of what I’m doing.
    • If you were any good at algebra, some of this may be less painful for you.
    • Personally, I’m not sure how useful Javascript will be. I’m planning to stick with it as long as possible. But probably more valuable is really knuckling down into the front end CSS, which I do plan to tackle on my own.

    And just for fun, I’ve started up mock forex and stock portfolios on Investopedia. It’s unlikely I’ll be doing either of these in real life, but improving my financial literacy can only be a good thing, and a simulated environment is the best way to start. In picking my companies, I did some research on the likes of CNN Money, where you can find information on companie –  financials, forecasts, etc. Of course, when it’s play money, you don’t necessarily take as much care as you would with real dollars, and it wasn’t till I’d bought about 10 stocks that I realised I was being charged $20 a pop on each transaction. (To date the extent of my individual stock investment experience has been in the Neopets stockmarket. Remember that site?) And I’ve done the same on the NZX, but the size of the stockmarket would seem to limit potential returns.

    So, how has the year started off for you? What are you doing to make the most of it?

  • January 10, 2012

    The comparison trap

    I’m a thinker, worrier, overanalyser.

    English: School Running Race

    Image via Wikipedia

    Over a year ago, I reminded myself that life is not a race.

    But can I stop comparing myself to others? Hell no.

    I pat myself on the back when I look at people around me having unwanted children, taking too long to finish their degree, and generally not having their shit together. (Yeah, I said it. I’m not going to pretend I don’t make judgement calls.)

    And then I swallow my envy when others more than double their salary to nearly six figures a year after graduation, spend all their savings on travel, find rich and handsome partners, buy houses by 25.

    I trek the path of full personal independence – partly by circumstance, partly by choice.

    I chose noncorporate work that I love and am good at, even if it will never make me rich. I make enough, and a job I enjoy is worth infinitely more than a lucrative one that would stress me out.

    I found a partner who would do anything for me, even if he doesn’t have a life plan all worked out.

    My life is largely what I make of it. Every decision has an opportunity cost. Suck it up, E.

  • December 22, 2011

    Wedding WTFs

    Wedding Dress For Happy Couple in Love

    Image by epSos.de via Flickr

    “Why did nobody tell me?”

    That was the reaction from a friend upon learning just what her friends and family thought of her ex after she dumped his cheating ass.

    I can only guess that it came down to knowing that voicing such thoughts never really does any good.

    Case in point: another friend recently tied the knot with somebody that for all purposes, she doesn’t really know all that well. Everyone thought it a terrible idea, and said so. Didn’t change a thing.

    Now that I’ve met him, though – despite all the practical odds stacked against the relationship – I really do think it could work. So do the rest of us, including T (and that’s saying something; he’s just as jaded as me, if not more).

    The other two engaged couples we know? Different story. In the first case, they have no business together, child on the way or not – and it’s highly doubtful they’ll actually make it to the altar. T will be the godfather – it’s one of those offers you can’t really turn down, I suppose, no matter how disagreeable the entire situation is.

    In the other, he’s gone from long-term relationships with two class acts to someone below his calibre in every single way. We thought it a rebound based on nothing but lust. Alas, it seems we were wrong. (Call us biased. But the dude is a really good guy. He’s a catch, and she knows it – so she’s certainly not going to let go.) But what can you do?

    (Slightly off topic – I’m hoping their wedding will be a large one, which I’m guessing it will as they are the gregarious type with well-off families to boot. I don’t want the pressure of comparisons when it comes to our turn, as they will probably get around to getting married before we do.)

    It’s bad enough standing by on relationships that are all wrong.

    It’s far more worrying when marriage enters the equation.

  • December 5, 2011

    On balancing work, life, and Penelope Trunk at her best

    I’m ambivalent on Penelope Trunk. But you can’t deny that she calls it as she sees it, and she gets it spot on in this interview.

    There is no magic solution.

    There is no get rick quick online.

    A blog in itself is not a business.

    Want to quit your job and work for yourself? You need goals. You need a strategy. You need a business plan.

    Listen good, online empire wannabes.

    What really stood out to me was the point that she made that business and lifestyle go hand in hand. If you want to spend more time with your kids, you’re not going to be able to put in the kind of hours someone single and single-mindedly devoted to growing a business will. (The fact that starting a business takes hard graft goes unsaid, surely.)

    For me, the lifestyle is the most important part of the equation. I changed jobs this year in pursuit of better balance, trading off a few financial benefits, flexibility (a double-edged sword; it goes both ways) and the prestige of a big name for no shift work, shorter commute, more variety and room to stretch myself. As much as I loved my previous position, and felt I was part of something important, I was increasingly frustrated with the sacrifices that came with the territory. In any choice, there are trade-offs, and those may chop and change at different stages in your life.

    (BUT I have to disagree that you are either a people person or a writer and that the two are mutually exclusive. I work with people every day who disprove this theory. There are plenty of journalists who are rather awkward in person – me included – but there are just as many writers who thrive in social situations.)

    As evidenced here on Stuff Journalists Like, it’s a lifestyle that ends in a crash and burn for many. How many times have I read about people giving up on the pay and odd hours that cut into plans or make it straight up impossible to make plans ahead of time? (Answer: Enough to depress me.)

    I’m not convinced by the assertion that journos don’t have many transferable skills, however. True, we have to sell story ideas to editors, but pitching a feature is probably not on the same level as attempting to close a five or six-figure business deal. And some of us are lucky enough to be largely autonomous and work independently – in which case getting used to answering to others in the corporate world could be a nasty change.

    But we’re articulate, know how to ask the right questions, know how to research, have good contacts and know how to handle people, something that shouldn’t be underrated. Some of us have particular areas of knowledge and expertise, although that’s rare nowadays.

    If I couldn’t be a journalist … well, I’d like to try my hand at doing something in the music industry, in arts, in a university setting, in a nonprofit – what exactly I don’t know, but ideally something incorporating creative and editorial aspects.

    Do you agree with any of these points? Or are you just sitting there shaking your head?

  • September 13, 2011

    The more things change…

    Leap of Faith - Krabi Thailand

    I recently had the privilege of interviewing a woman just a few years older than me, who runs a successful business and is on the cusp of going global.

    Although in some ways we are similar – while most others in their late teens to early 20s were busy partying, I was fully independent, working all hours to make ends meet while doing my degree and she devoted her time to opening her first stores and starting a family.

    I asked if she felt like she had missed out on anything, and how she managed to juggle all these demands at the same time.

    But like, well, all other successful people, she told me it was about maximising the use of your time. “So many people don’t do anything with their evenings.”

    Since reclaiming my weekends and evenings, I have to admit, I haven’t been doing anything all that amazing with that time. The first few weekends were just spent enjoying time with T that we hadn’t had in over a year. Going to the farmer’s market. Then planning and organising our Rarotonga and Wellington trips. Then dealing with car repairs, dentist appointments, motorbike stuff. (And of course, the usual – cooking, reading, music). Now I’m going to turn some of that time over to pre-wedding planning.

    I’ve talked briefly before about how dreams change as you get older. And Stacking Pennies tackled a similar topic the other day, that of lost possibilities, because certain doors close with the passage of time.

    The funny thing is, most of those previous aspirations I had are so much more attainable these days. Everyone seems to be writing and publishing their own books or ebooks, you don’t need a record label to become a star, and becoming a web designer seems to be another thing that everybody is doing.

    Not long ago I attended an amateur musical for the first time in a very long while. Now, usually at the end of these performances I feel a bit of a pang; I’m not a performer by any stretch of the imagination, but I love the buzz that comes with being involved in a show (granted, it’s been six years since I had anything to do with one). I didn’t feel that at all this time. I watched as they spun each other through waltzes and tangos, and rather than wishing I had their mad skills, I was content simply to admire. Maybe it was the fact that the plot and songs were beyond dreadful. Or maybe it really was just me.

    I think what I’m trying to say is, I don’t quite know what I want anymore. I know myself better than I ever have. I know where my weaknesses lie. I know where I draw the line.

    Once I would have laughed at the thought of being a SAHP. Yet more and more, the idea appeals, at least part-time or at least for a few years. Once I would have laughed at the thought of even considering throwing financial security to the wind and going travelling for an extended period at some point down the line.

    I suppose I just need to accept that my dreams are going to continue to evolve, even if I don’t know where they’re going just yet.

  • July 14, 2011

    On age, self-confidence, boys and body image

    mirror lips

    Image by notsogoodphotography via Flickr

    Gem’s comment on my post Turning 23 > turning 13, in which I recalled some of the things I wanted most in the world 10 years ago, got me thinking.

    “Perhaps it seems ridiculous because you now have a boy. Those are clearly desires of a single woman and ones that I held my entire life. Up until I got a boy. Then I scoffed at how ridiculous I used to be. Until I lost the boy. And then my desires went right back to my 13 year old desires….”

    True, that’s one way to look at it. But for me, it really boiled down to general insecurity. All through my youth I wanted so desperately to be cool. It wasn’t impossible to be smart and popular but it certainly wasn’t easy and there was no way I would ever manage it. I didn’t have the looks, I didn’t have the personality, I didn’t have the money and I didn’t have the (parental) freedom.

    I wanted the kind of charmed life depicted in Cleo and Dolly and the books I read. Summer romances. Lounging at the beach in bikinis, tossing my long, streaked curly hair, a bra I didn’t need to stuff, cute freckles instead of moles and sunspots. Friends who were as close as family, popping in for dinner, shopping together, sleepovers, doing each other’s nails. Instead I was stuck with glasses, my “weird” parents, unfashionable clothes (thank goodness for uniforms), pale skin that never tanned, and later on bad acne.

    And of course, a lot of my angst also stemmed from unhappiness with how I looked. (Shock horror.) My body image issues weren’t about weight, but they certainly were about almost everything else. And I was just as concerned with female judgement, I think, as I was with my attractiveness to the opposite sex. I had this warped sense of reality, in hindsight. Thankfully, lot of the things I cared about then are no longer important to me. So I don’t have straight teeth. Perfect skin. Curly eyelashes. Ridiculous things I was at the time convinced would radically alter my life in their own right. Ah, adolescent delusions. Even if I was single, I now know they wouldn’t have. Even if I was single, the 23-year-old me is infinitely more comfortable in her own skin and far less concerned with fitting in. Nor do I have time to spend hours staring into a mirror and obsessing over my physical flaws. Bless you, real world. (And if I really believed my straight lashes were holding me back, I’d go out and buy mascara, but it’s far too much trouble for me to bother with whether it’s a glasses or contacts day.)

    That said…it amazed me how getting a boyfriend actually changed everything. This is sad to say and sad to admit, but it was a good thing. I didn’t expect being in a relationship to boost my confidence so much, but it really proved to me once and for all that I really could be liked for me. That even in my ugly duckling youth I wasn’t completely repellent. And that was something I could carry with me forever, from then on.

    So…while there are things that were great about adolescence, like our carefree camps out in the Lynfield bush, the rope swing over the edge of that cliff, $2 bus rides into town for an afternoon of mucking around, time to read as many books as I wanted…no way would I want to relive teenagehood and the microcosm of high school.

  • July 7, 2011

    Not a girl, not yet a woman (or, turning 23 > turning 13)

    Yes, I just quoted a horrendous, no-good, very bad Britney song. No, I’m not apologising.

    • I am the girl who feels that the label “fiancee” finally conveys the gravity of her relationship, but doesn’t feel old enough to be a “wife”
    • I am the woman for whom packs of schoolgirls call “make way for the lady!” when running past, sweaty and out of breath
    • The girl who who never have been voted MVP, but could have made MVTP
    • The woman who wears heels maybe twice a year (a choice validated everytime she’s forced to stand on the bus)
    • The girl who should never read long books, because she’ll make herself sick reading on the bus, trip over her feet while walking and reading, and be a zombie the next day at work after staying up to finish said book
    • The woman who prefers discussing people to ideas, even if that makes her small-minded. there’s nothing more fascinating than the human psychology, and what’s an idea without people to dream them up and execute them?
    • The girl who’s still a little afraid of the dark
    • The woman who likes very little music pre-1970 or post-2000

    Turning 23 has made me think long and hard about a lot of things. In particular, looking back at where I’ve come from. Ten years ago, I was obsessed with:

    1. wanting my knees to NOT knock together when I ran
    2. wanting to be the kind of girl who went out every Friday and Saturday night
    3. wanting long curly lashes
    4. wanting a thin nose
    5. wanting curly hair
    6. wanting better skin
    7. wanting a boyfriend (not necessarily in that order. Probably in reverse, actually)

    (Dude, for a nerd I was incredibly shallow.)

    I was convinced life would be so much better if only these things could happen. Of course, it all seems perfectly ridiculous now with a decade of wisdom to draw on (har de har har).

    Turning 23 > turning 13.

    • Previous
    Next