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Browsing tag: life

  • April 19, 2009

    Thoughts on a Sunday night

    There have been a lot of op-eds and columns about how 20somethings are being hit hardest by the recession. Last in, first out. Brought up with the idea that if you just worked hard you could get ahead. Thinking you should get a degree, find a job, buy a house. And how that’s just not true, and it’s all falling apart.

    I’m just glad we don’t have a mortgage.

    I know once we get through this, nothing will ever be the same again. I won’t take anything for granted. I’m going to be even more cautious than I was before. Nothing is for certain. Nothing is safe, nothing is assured, and it can all be taken away from you in an instant. Corps have no loyalty to you. All you can do is look out for yourself, be prepared for anything and pick yourself back up.

    I feel stressed a lot, and I freaked out today at the butcher’s because we had to keep it to $20 or less to stay under budget.

    It’s not like my card would have been declined or anything, but it would have been money we didn’t have.

    We got in at $21, and BF came up with a $5 bill from nowhere.

    “See? Now we’re UNDER budget,” he told me.

    Bless him.

    Please, let Work and Income DO something. DO their jobs and give him what he’s entitled to. $10. $25. $50. Whatever.Any little bit would help, and keep us afloat for longer. $100 would be gold. That’s about how much we’re falling short by.

    If this is being a grown up, REALLY realising that the only person with your best interests at heart is YOU….I don’t like it.

    As long as we can get through this.

    One step at a time.

  • March 31, 2009

    So this morning I went to a special morning tea to meet with my ‘scholarship support person’, along with a bunch of other scholarship recipients.

    It wasn’t much use to me and the other third years, as we’ve been through it all, don’t have any questions or concerns to raise and frankly are about to graduate. We don’t need to worry about grade averages. We’re in our last year and won’t be back next year, or if we are, our scholarship will be over anyway! This would have been much more helpful earlier on, however. I’m sure the younger students will appreciate it.

    Mainly, we went for the promise of a free morning tea.

    I was envisioning something like this…

    tea1

    or this….

    tea2or …

    tea3

    or even this…

    tea4

    NO SUCH LUCK.

    What a waste of time.

    Apparently nobody came to the first session yesterday, for which she had gone out and bought a ton of food. So today, all we got was a three litre of Just Juice (and plastic cups) and two plates of plain choc chip cookies. They weren’t even very good. They were OKAY, but nothing spectacular.

    We did get to talking about summer school and going on exchange, though. Summer school’s a tricky one. A friend got burned by the office – she took a compulsory third year paper in summer school to get ahead. She would have had to do it anyway in first semester, she just took it over the summer instead. Scholarship staff didn’t care. They flat out refused to pay for that paper for her.

    Apparently they continue to pay your fees if you go on exchange, though. Here the policy is you generally go second semester of your second year. I’ve missed out, obviously.

    But do I regret it? No.

    Why didn’t I go overseas? Honestly, none of the universities on offer really appealed to me. But I’ll go through my main reasons here.

    1. The financial aspect. Sure your fees are paid, but living costs are not cheap anywhere, really. I just don’t have that kind of money saved to support me through an entire semester abroad. Yes there are other scholarships and grants, and the enterprising girl who spoke today wangled sponsorship from House of Travel, but realistically you’re going to need to cover some, if not most or all of your expenses yourself. Food, board, insurance, passports and visas, souvenirs, and of course travelling around wherever it is you are. I’m not ready for that.

    2. I’m not super keen to leave BF. Plus, breaking my lease would be a bitch. Wouldn’t want to leave him paying for two. It’s not that I doubt our relationship; after all he spent six months in the army and we’d only had two months together before that. It’s just not something I would choose to do. I do want to travel, but I’d rather do it while working (not studying) and I’d like to do it with him.

    3. My job. I have a good job, and it’s in the field I want to work in. Why would I give that up?

    If I happened to be single, I might have given the matter more thought. I still don’t think I would have made a different choice, though. I think my decision to stay in NZ was good. I don’t feel quite ready to travel and although I’m getting the itch I think postponing it and travelling later will pay off.. I’ll get much more out of the experience.

    And to think I once planned to go on my OE straight out of school! What a colossal mistake that woulda been! I’m mature, but not that mature. I know my way around Auckland. But put me somewhere else and I don’t know if I could stand on my own two feet. I’d probably even have struggled if I went to uni in a different city….but I wouldn’t have, because nowhere else does this degree like they do here.

  • March 17, 2009

    I get really torn between the two sides when it comes to welfare. On the one hand, I totally agree that people who don’t deserve it shouldn’t get it. People who show no sense of responsibility whatsoever. But 99% of the time there are kids involved. And why should the children suffer? There’s a whole other problem, the cycle of poverty. But then…that pretty much ensures the problem’s never fixed, and we continue to have the same issues generation after generation.

    What’s the solution?

  • March 14, 2009

    The end of the world, etc etc…

    I just  did a couple of online surveys – one was about banking (kinds of banks I’d like to use – not unlike another one I recently did on pharmacies and what kinds of pharmacies I’d like to see….) and one was about the economic situation.

    So, next time a story comes out on how everyone is all doom and gloom,  I’ll be one of those statistics.

    But BF made a good point. Had he not had his hours cut, and then been made redundant, we wouldn’t really be doing that bad. We wouldn’t be well off, but our situation wouldn’t really have been affected. Hardly anyone else we know has really been affected personally – not many we know have mortgages or been laid off, most everyone is studying and have kept their part time jobs, etc.

    Interest rates are now at 3pc – the lowest in history.

    Credit card/loan rates are still almost 20%. I wonder if there’s any point writing to BNZ to complain – BF’s loan is still at 18.2. Outrageous. But we live in NZ – doubt there’s much we can do, esp as it’s unsecured.

    If I don’t secure a job after graduation, I’ll be happy to keep doing what I’m doing; it’s pretty close. But we had a guy join our class this week who made us all a tad nervous. He finished his BCS last year (PR major). NO luck getting a job. Not many from the year did – they graduated straight into the plunge of the recession. Anyway, so he somehow wangled a last minute enrolment and is now studying with us.

    If he couldn’t get something in PR, what’s the odds for us journo students?

    Not to mention that most of us will probably end up in PR later in life – what’s going to happen when the entire media is made up of green fresh reporters who don’t know where the Seychelles are? (Found that out today – off the African coast near Kenya – looks absolutely stunning).

  • March 12, 2009

    Random but nice – got a text from a girl who shares one or two of my classes. I’m assuming she got my number off the journo students database. She apologised for not giving me her number sooner (!!) and was like, let’s keep in touch!

    Fair enough. I sorta get the feeling it’s a solidarity thing, like, we were both born in the same country etc. One that I really don’t have ties to, and haven’t been back to in years, but still it’s the place of my birth, so does that count for something?

    It bugs me a little though – do I always have to befriend people just for reasons like that? Will I be pigeonholed as an ‘ethnic affairs’ reporter one day?

    I guess you tend to flock to others like you, though. And I often tend to gravitate towards older people – not sure why? Am I just too old for my age? And I don’t really have the right to complain (I am TOTALLY glad she reached out to me. I never would have done something like that and am super grateful). After all, it’s not like I really make the effort to go out of my way to befriend others. Sometimes it’s like I just can’t connect with people no matter how hard I try, so I give up and retreat. That’s kind of where I’m at now, and I just talk to the few friends I have made. So honestly, it’s great that someone’s doing the hard work for me – because if someone does that, I’ll respond in kind.

  • March 5, 2009

    Caring for your Introvert

    I’ve always considered myself classically introverted. I enjoy being alone, spending time by myself relaxing, reading, recharging. I have no problem with my own company. I rarely feel lonely. I’m pretty sure I could hack living alone, as long as my friends lived reasonably close and so did BF.

    I can only ever remember feeling really down and alone once – I was flatting with a friend, who’s very social and has a big group of friends who she often sees and calls up. I sort of stopped talking on the phone sometime after the age of 14 or 15 and almost NEVER call my friends.

    Anyway, one evening she had a long phone convo with someone, then her BF came over and stayed the night. Mine didn’t. And just for some reason I felt really, really isolated, and had a bit of a cry and felt sorry for myself. Why wasn’t I a social butterfly? Why didn’t I have three hour conversations on the phone? And why wasn’t BF there with me that particular night?

    I rang up an old friend – one who was my three-hour conversation buddy back in school. She listened, patiently to all my silly emo angst….and I don’t know how she put up with it…my back and forth over analysis of my crushes, and what did that one fleeting moment of eye contact mean, and why didn’t he smile back, etc…..She’s great. The kind of friend you want to have – you can go weeks, months without seeing each other, and then catch up like you’ve never been apart, no awkwardness. Since finishing school and going our separate ways the intervals in between have got longer and longer, but it hasn’t changed a thing. That I think is a great friendship, and I hope we’ll always be friends.

    Getting off topic. That aside, around friends – true friends, that I’m comfortable around and show my true colours with, because I don’t feel self conscious or try to impress them – I sort of come alive. I’m more sparky, energetic, funny. With everyone else, I’m shy (which comes across as stand offish). After maybe talking to someone at uni once, I won’t usually approach them next time I see them.

    The Atlantic has a great article on ‘caring for your introvert’.

    “Do you tell this person he is “too serious,” or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?” – SO very me.

    I can’t yet tell if I’m introverted or just shy. Do I  grunt or wince when “accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?” Sure, sometimes. I’m very ruled by my heart. If I’m having a shitty day, well I’m sorry, I can’t hide it. Do I need to be dragged to parties and then take forever to recuperate? Hell yeah, and it’s not because of the hangover. I am useless at small talk (working on it, and improving, but still not that great). “Introverts are people who find other people tiring.” Well, yes, sometimes. Is that…bad?

    “after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge.” Um, sometimes.

    “For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.” Totally. Most people are used to have friends in and out all the time, coming over to watch Grey‘s together, make popcorn, do facials on each other, whatever. Not me. Hate unaccustomed visitors! Most nights I come home and have a quiet evening with BF before bed. I know, sounds boring, but on the whole it suits me, with the odd night out.

    I am not, however, “dynamite” at presentations. In fact, the exact opposite – I would rather eat feet than give a presentation. My voice goes small and tinny, my entire body flushes red, I try to speak slowly but end up going at double speed.

    “Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not.” Okay. Maybe just shy, then.

    How many people are introverts?

    About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—”a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population.”

    Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Haha, interesting. They apparently have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion.

    BF is an extrovert to the core. He’s a storyteller, a performer, a lover of the spotlight. He usually hogs attention wherever we go, which suits me just fine. He doesn’t really spend time alone. When we lived alone, just us, on nights I worked late I’d come home and be really annoyed that he hadn’t even started dinner. In fact, he’d usually be out with friends. He didn’t like being home without me, by himself. The whole ‘coming alive around others’? Yeah. Not really enjoying his company, always needing something to do? Yeah.

    He really needs some hobbies.

    The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself. Oh. MY. LORD. Starting a new year at uni means incessantly repeating yourself. Where I work. How old I am. What school I went to. ETC. Can’t stand the repetition! It’s also a pet peeve of mine (alongside bad spelling) when people tell and retell old stories (BF, looking atcha!)

    Unfortunately it’s an extroverts’ world. They make impressions. They exude charisma. They get ahead. They’re seen as normal, what we should aspire to.

    We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking. Hence, why people call us quiet. I often think over what I’m going to say two or three times. Not always, of course. But in serious situations.

    How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it’s not a choice. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s an orientation.

    And, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don’t say “What’s the matter?” or “Are you all right?”

    Thank you. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • February 28, 2009

    Wish I had a crystal ball

    You know, I may only be twenty but by gosh I feel SO much older right now.

    Must be grand to be living the quintessential uni experience.

    What does BF’s future hold? He’s young, he still doesn’t know what he wants to do. Make money, yeah. Do something he’s good at and doesn’t hate.

    He could go back and study something like accounting or IT. He could call Skills4Work back up and take up an apprenticeship and get qualified (hopefully would be accelerated given his experience thus far…but who knows if anyone is hiring now. He was, however, top of the list for that very reason before he pulled back a couple of months ago and don’t see why he wouldn’t still be). That’s a three year commitment. About half of what he’s used to making, but trade qualified by the end. He’ll still only be 23 by then.

    We also noticed the Army advertising quite a few civilian officer roles. He called up the army line and spoke with them briefly. He would have to reenlist. We don’t know really what that involves; he’s done his training, will working in a civilian role mean they can move him around, uproot him? I’ll broach the subject with him tomorrow. It’s a big decision and not one to make lightly – you don’t just hop in and out of the defence force, you commit to it. He’s already left once, for a reason. It’s a whole lifestyle, though like I said we don’t know what it’s like outside of the soldier’s perspective. He was quite thoughtful after that phone call. I’d be scared, for sure. It’s now been exactly three years since he left for army basic, and two and a half since he returned and came back to normal life. But I guess that’s the hardest part, the training, and now it’s over and done with. And a career with the army is stable, bar the moving around.

    What to do?

  • February 16, 2009

    Flipping heck!

    Goddamn. Some people are just so plain rude.

    I was just at the bank queuing for a teller. Ahead of me were a couple of guys and a girl clutching a big wad of cash.

    She asked the guy directly in front of her if he could calculate something on his Blackberry for her. He obliged. He fumbled a bit – either it’s a new phone, or he just doesn’t ever have to use the calculator – and was nice enough to ask her if SHE wanted to do it herself. She declined.
    He fumbled. And fumbled. And fumbled. After a bit of back and forth, she sighed loudly, rolled her eyes and practically threw her hands up in the air. He apologized profusely. She repeated her numbers with the air of someone struggling to potty train a child.

    That saga ended. The line inched forward. A new teller appeared and started tapping away at their computer. The bitch stepped forward and had a go at the guy at the front of the line (not Blackberry man, the one before him), something along the lines of “get up there already, this line is so long and there are people waiting behind you!” Poor guy scurried off.

    I wanted to punch her.

    You don’t just go up to the teller. You WAIT until they call you forward. The teller JUST got here. She would have still been logging on. Who knows how long that takes? What if her computer had frozen? You WAIT for a reason, and if he’d gone up and she still wasn’t ready for him, and someone else opened up, how stupid would that look? There is a reason for how they operate, and we abide by queue etiquette at banks and at the post office FOR A REASON. Would you demand a chef bring out your meal RIGHT NOW, because you’re RAVENOUS, ready or not? Didn’t think so.

    Then Blackberry guy offered to let her go ahead of him. Oh, she turned all sweetness and light then, let me tell you.

    “Oh, really? You’re such a gentleman!” And stole his spot at the front of the line.

    I swear. One day. I’m going to have a public brawl with some bitch like that who gets up my nerve on a bad day.

  • February 13, 2009

    I don’t get it

    I haven’t had the luxury of a summer off since high school. I doubt I’ll ever have another one, come to think of it, which is a bit sad, but c’est la vie. It got me thinking though. Why don’t more people work full summers? Do they just not get how large their student loans are gonna be and what a huge amount they’re saddled with? By the time they come out and start accruing interest – well. I make over 2k a month full time – one summer would easily pay for a year’s tuition (unless I was a med student. Still, all the more reason to work). Of course I have a relatively well paying job, so let’s go with minimum wage. Should be about $1500 take home a month. That’s $4500 in three months, and if you have exams early on you can have up to a four month summer. Again, that’s a hefty amount of money, and not something  to sniff at. It might not cover tuition for everyone, but would you rather owe $9000 or $4500? And if you don’t want to give up your ENTIRE holiday, then work half time, or for three quarters of the summer, you know, find an in between balance!

    I understand money really isn’t as important to most people my age. That’s cool. They’ll learn. But even stepping up and working a day or two a week could be put towards those monster loans – you have months of free time and if you’re sticking around close to home, why on earth not make some extra money to save or get started attacking your loans with?

    Engineering students also have to do a truckload of work exp to graduate – like 400 hours or so. My mum was asking me why my friends are bumming around, doing nothing and working at Countdown instead of doing time at an engineering firm? I didn’t have a suitable reply. Really. I still don’t.

  • February 9, 2009

    Close to death

    I was at the lantern festival on Friday night, which involved a hell of a lot of walking, cursing my phone’s crappy camera (there were so many amazing lanterns I wanted to capture!) and seeing two eight year old kids get up and do karaoke. And I can’t forget the puppeteers – they’re not like normal puppets, instead these ones are held up over the head and controlled by one hand with a pole type thing. It’s amazing how much control they have, and how much they do with just one hand – considering the other one is busy holding the puppet aloft. The most intense part was when they did something and made the puppets’ faces change; how, I have no idea! A quick flick of the wrist, a wave of the hand…I don’t know, but somehow a new face swept across the puppets, and it was INSANE. Especially considering there were three of them and they did it in sync. (May not sound that cool, but I guess you had to be there). They also managed to light a flame in each puppet’s hand. Seriously.

    As well as the usual lion dances they had a supercalifragilistic contraption – looked like a …can’t remember the name….old fashioned wooden things you launch stones and rocks from? There were about a million strings all over the thing, connected to nine little lions. Ever seen a lion dance? Well, there were NINE of these suckers, and they went hard. I was afraid the whole machine was going to break. And you should have seen how much work it was for the people working it. But it was awesome – the lions jumped, darted, swung out to the sides and the front, things I never thought were possible with string control.

    Asians, honestly – do some of the weirdest things, but they’re freakishly cool at the same time.

    When we left, there were a few cops out on the street. As we got down to the corner, an ambulance came screaming around and up where we’d come from. Didn’t think much of it, thought maybe there was a minor ding somewhere amid the traffic. Didn’t hear any screaming, see blood, or people panicking. I haven’t even been to the festival for a couple of years so thought maybe the police were just there to make sure things were running okay, crowd control – that sort of thing.

    Sunday news: someone died there, that night. Got stuck under a bus and dragged all the way up the road.

    Just as we were probably a hundred metres away.

    And we didn’t even know.

    That freaked me out more than Austin Hemmings being killed around the back from work. I mean, it was on the street our building backs onto, but I wasn’t at work that day.

    This time, I was actually not very far from someone innocent who died on the road.

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