fbpx
  • Feeling guilty? Channel it into productive action instead

    HOW TO TURN GUILT INTO MORE PRODUCTIVE ACTION

     

    Something I often struggle with is guilt. Feeling guilty that I’m objectively much better off than most of the population on earth. For all the privileges I have been endowed and all I have now – especially after the past few years. And then… feeling guilty on the flipside for wanting even more. For still aspiring to bigger and better. Dreaming, desiring.

    It’s a weird tug of war. It’s a weird middle ground. But I know I’m not alone in this. These are all totally natural feelings.

    In fact, we dive into guilt a few times in Money Groove – guilt over spending (even when you can totally afford it, and got plenty of value out of something!) and guilt over wanting more when objectively, you’re way better off than so many others in the world and yet you still desire more. These aren’t things we can just sweep under the rug or brush away. They’ll just keep on popping up and coming back.

    Here’s what I DO know. Here’s what I have to remind myself of, over and over again.

    It does nobody else any good for me to struggle. There’s no upside or benefit or prize to not having what I want, to playing martyr.

    It’s not a zero sum game. How poorly or well I do doesn’t change anything for anyone else.

    If you aren’t making enough to live well … worrying about making ends meet … how can you possibly ever achieve your full potential? Particularly when inflation continues to balloon and push up the prices of EVERYTHING constantly?

    In taking care of myself first and flourishing, I can then turn around and help others. Simply: when you have enough to take care of your own needs, you can look to help to solve those bigger problems. But you gotta handle things at home first.

    Take that guilt and turn it into fuel and momentum instead.

  • Why having more damn fun right now might be the key to getting what you want

    more fun = more successIf you don’t believe in your abilities and aren’t totally sold…

    If you don’t feel whole in yourself, if you feel empty and slightly desperate…

    If you don’t have confidence in yourself, love yourself, and love your unique flavour of brilliance…

    If you wouldn’t buy what you’re offering…

    How can you expect others to? How can you expect anyone else to buy in? To hire you? Embrace you?

    If you don’t feel good and grounded and convinced and strong in yourself, that is going to shine through, no matter how thick you layer up the mask and how hard you try to hide it.

    Coming into something from a state of flow, fun, and ease changes all the energy around it. It infuses your actions and that’s something other people can feel.

    It changes the energy and conviction with which you show up. Spurs you to act. Those actions then inevitably tend to deliver better results, encouraging you to keep going and doing more.

    So what’s powering your actions? What’s the underlying drive and vibe behind them?

    Taking care of yourself, indulging and enjoying yourself isn’t frivolous. Do things that fill up your cup and your heart. Think of it as a way of putting on your own oxygen mask first. It is truly a worthwhile investment.

    If you can’t enjoy it along the way, appreciating what you have now – what makes you think you will if you ever get what you’re striving for?

    It’s hard to imagine something you have never had before. You can, however, imagine how it would feel to have it. How you’d act, think, feel, be. What you would do to celebrate. So much so that when the time finally does come, when it rolls around, it’s gonna feel somewhat like a familiar memory. Turns out our brains are pretty simple in that regard. They don’t really know what’s real and what’s imagined. Time doesn’t really exist.

    People talk about the importance of prioritising pleasure/joy/fun. Honestly… all those words are pretty triggering for me and I’m working through that for myself. I’m going with fun as it feels the least loaded. The concepts seem so frivolous and there are decades of conditioning around this to deconstruct. Not helped at all by becoming a parent, I must say. The push to start martyring ourselves, denying ourselves, stripping pleasure and enjoyment from our lives, starts even before our kids are born. But I digress…

    I believe you can’t get/have/keep what you can’t feel. Not for long, anyway. And if you gotta feel the goodness before it actually arrives and shows its face, and if that actually helps fuel and accelerate the whole process… why the hell not?

    If you’ve been stuck at the same level for awhile, wanting to break through to the next level… struggling and hustling, with not much to show for it … shift gears and give it a try. This just might be the missing piece of the puzzle.

     

  • Here’s your permission slip to dream bigger (and the one question to start asking yourself today)

    start asking this question to get closer to your goals

    I used to HATE the question – what if you won the lottery?

    Ugh. What’s the point?!

    I didn’t want to dream big because I didn’t like to think about what I would never have – ironic, as this is exactly the same mentality I think underpins some people’s commitment to the ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ trope which I LOATHE with all my being.

    Heck, I even used to work on a campaign called Dare to Dream and I think it always lowkey bugged me for that reasons. Semantics, people. Language is my thing. Word choice matters.

    Anyway, if you’re the type of person who tends to round off daydreaming sessions with a wistful or even bitter, “that would be nice,” I see you. I so feel you. I am you.

    AND… I’d encourage you to try something slightly different next time.

    Ending instead with “How could I?”

    Leave that open ended question hanging. Let your brain stew and store it away and start to mull over the possibilities.

    I know my lottery dreams are fairly modest. I’d plan another RTW trip and do more travel. Buy a house in a different suburb. Beyond that…

    These really are not outrageous dreams. Although they are very difficult and expensive and seemingly impossible in NZ. Or so it feels.

    But not actually impossible. If I were to price it out roughly, just back of the napkin calculations, they’re theoretically doable. I don’t need multimillions.

    HOW, I don’t know. But even just the idea that these may be possible? It’s such a huge shift. And it feels so much better. Lighter. Expansive. Warmer.

    So. Let “How could I?” be your guide for a bit. See how that feels for you.

     

  • 2 simple ways to combat money stress and recentre yourself

    2 simple ways to combat money stress

    If you’re in a reasonably stable position but still generally fretting about savings or debt on a daily basis …  that constant low hum of money stress is exhausting.  

    I’ve learned the hard way that if all your mental energy is expended on immediate money worries and needs from day-to-day, you won’t have any left over to actually plan for the future, make good strategic decisions and focus on moving forward. If you’re anything like me, this spills over into other areas of your life like work (leading to underperforming) and relationships (leading to isolation).

    Worrying intensely about not having enough often distracts you from actually doing anything about it. Wallowing is easy; taking steps to solve the problem is harder.

    Don’t let those feelings overwhelm you!

    Here are two things I try to bring it back to…

    Concrete actions

    What can you do about it right now?

    What would you do if the Terrible Thing came to pass? And then what? And what next? And after that?

    See, you’ve probably got Plans A-D right there, stepped out already.

    Within reason.

    Contingency plans are important, don’t get me wrong. But when you’re too wrapped up in concerns about what could go wrong rather than considering what could potentially go right; if you do the same things and continue the same thought patterns – you’ll find yourself spinning your wheels and going nowhere.

    Fear is a constant companion to me. And rather than letting it steer, I relegate it to the backseat. In the passenger seat, I’d much rather have someone more upbeat.

    Your BEST case scenario

    What if it worked? What if this had legs? What if this were to fly?

    Think better thoughts. Ask better questions. Actively replace those gloomy visions with visions of your ideal outcome instead.

    What if it all went so right?

    A positive, future-oriented approach does wonders for your emotional state.

    And that starts with getting a handle on your fears and your thoughts.

    The thing is, our hypotheses are often way off. We can’t predict things. But we just can’t help ourselves, can we? Our brains are wired to focus on negative. Anticipate risk. Keep us on guard and safe. Which doesn’t serve us well in today’s world; a world where danger is less about mortal risk out there, and more about what we perceive inside our heads.

    And that is never truer than when it comes to money.

    But these two habits can go a long way to curbing the drama of money stress.

    (Liked this? Then you’ll probably love Money Groove, my digital course designed to guide you toward finding your own financial groove and slaying those money demons.)

     

  • I used to be afraid of getting older – but no more

     

    “You’ve changed.”

    Anyone ever said that to you?

    I veer between thinking “at the core, people don’t really change” to “people inevitably change, and it’s a given”.

    What I DO know for sure is that changing your identity is basically a prerequisite to any big, lasting change you want in life.

    I’ve never had a strong sense of self, of who I was, what I liked, what I didn’t like, what I wanted. For various reasons.

    As children, we form our identities based largely on what those around us reflect back to us.

    Honestly, what I had reflected back to me was mostly negative. It’s just how I was raised.

    Thankfully, in adulthood, I’ve surrounded myself with many people who lift me up. Through pure sheer luck careerwise, in particular, I’ve changed how I see myself gradually through the smallest of comments and observations, compounded over time. That helped build a strong foundation where there was nothing before.

    I borrowed their positive beliefs and reflections. I adopted them until I could actually embrace, integrate, incorporate them.

    I find that now I need less external input and validation.

    I can do it for myself.

    The training wheels are off.

    I literally feel more solid inside. Like I am more whole at the core.  I do the shadow work. I bring more consciousness to my days. I’m more aware of my thoughts, feelings, and reactions. I’m integrating all the parts of me, even those I started disconnecting from long ago, that started splitting off in response to difficult situations I couldn’t handle as a child.

    It’s like I was a page in a colouring book that’s now been filled in with gorgeous shading.

    I used to dread ageing. Now, I’m excited for all the time I have left ahead of me. I just keep getting better and better. I know there’s so much more to do, learn, and experience. To look forward to. As I’ve reconnected to my body, myself in my physical dimension, my wholeness of mind/body/spirit, the more I can feel things brewing that I look forward to downloading and channelling in the years to come.

    33 was a year of big personal growth. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

  • 5 books that just might change your life (by women!)

    5 BOOKS THAT COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE

    One of my favourite – and most popular – posts is my round up of books to help you shift your money trajectory, all by women.

    I thought I’d follow that up with a post on life-changing books more generally that have had a big impact on me the past couple of years. Must-reads that have fuelled my personal growth and expanded my horizons.

    The Source by Tara Swart

    If you couldn’t get through The Secret, this is for you. Penned by a doctor, this science-backed book is the most level-headed writing I’ve  come across on the neuroscience of manifestation and mindset.

    Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott

    If you’ve been working on yourself for a while and are ready to excavate some deeper shit, well, this is the clearest writing I’ve ever read on shadow work. Heaps of practical prompts to latch on to (this one’s written by a by a doctor of philosophy).

    Trust Yourself by Melody Wilding

    You a fellow overthinker? Always second guessing and doubting yourself? Overly sensitive? This will be so validating for you.

    And, this book just might help you start to work with yourself, not struggle against yourself; build that self-trust muscle and tune into your inner voice. Your gut, heart, intuition – whatever you want to call it – is wiser than you might think.

    Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson

    Again, a book that will be so incredibly validating if it resonates for you (and let’s face it, I think it will for 99% of humans to varying degrees).

    I would nominate this as my book of the year in the year I read it. It shone a light and explained so much. It helped me understand so much. And it helped me come to terms with so much.

    The Abundance Code by Julie Ann Cairns

    This is a great read on expanding your financial mindset and breaking through money blocks and beliefs. She lays them out in a clear, linear fashion and demonstrates how they naturally follow on from each other. Extra interesting, IMO, because her background is in hard finance/trading/economics, so it’s very grounded, not very woo, and lots of practical techniques and evidence to augment each point.

  • What if you lost your wallet tomorrow?

    what if you lost your wallet tomorrow

     

    What if you lost your wallet tomorrow? How many different cards do you have? Do you keep any others anyplace else?

    I’m not sure I will ever have multiple credit cards. I like to keep it simple.

    But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s the importance of having access to money in multiple places, in multiple ways.

    I have quite a few scattered bank accounts (that’s the result of having had my mortgage with a couple of different banks). One of them, I have never activated my card for, as I only ever used it for online transfers.

    And I was never more grateful for all of them when my bank account was hacked. Otherwise, I’d probably not have been able to access any money at all…

    Likewise when I recently went through a weird patch of losing stuff. I managed to drop my credit card on the escalator at the train station – swallowed into the bowels of the moving steps. I lost my debit card somewhere else (I assume somewhere between the train station and my car). Then I somehow lost the card I got as a replacement for THAT card (much later found down the side of Spud’s bed – it must have slid out and fallen down while I was sitting reading to him).

    With all this going on, I was never totally cut off. I always had card access to at least one account.

    Having those various accounts (and splitting cards between my wallet and my phone holder) has built in redundancies and contingencies for me. And for that, I’m very glad.

    Also, maybe I should set up Apple Pay…

    How many accounts/cards do you have? What’s your system like?

     

  • In my neighbourhood

    I loved Kristen’s post about the pros and cons of her neighbourhood so much, I was inspired to do my own!

    Let’s start with the bad.

    • I  live on a somewhat busy road.
    • There are often loud cars disturbing the vibe.
    • The neighbours on one side have a lot of drama.
    • There’s rubbish always blowing onto the front yard somehow.
    • At the park around the corner, there’s often broken glass, and people in the bordering houses throw bones and other food scraps onto the ground pretty frequently.

    On the plus side, the good things include proximity to sooo many amenities:

    • A park right around the corner, a couple others within walking distance, and several more within 5 minutes’ drive
    • Close to a bike path and walking paths/bush trails
    • Close to petrol stations and shops
    • Close to multiple supermarkets
    • Close to bakeries
    • Close to a pony club, so we often see horses grazing there in the fields
    • Close to the library
    • Close to the pool
    • Close to the mall
    • Close to daycare
    • Close to the doctor
    • Close to the vet
    • Close to the hospital

    The benefits are plenty!

    For several reasons, I don’t see us living here forever any longer.

    But we can appreciate what we have already while still working towards what we want.

  • Become a money boss with these 5 podcasts (there’s something for everyone here)

    This is not a list of your typical financial gurus. Rather, it’s a list of podcasts that will expand, educate, and even entertain you on your financial journey. All by badass broads. I’ve learned so much from women like them. Enjoy!

    Bitches Get Riches

    I can only ever hope to be a fraction as badass as Piggy and Kitty. Their podcast is packed with real talk and practical advice with plenty of sass, humour, and pop culture references.

    Art of Money

    I remember really struggling to grasp the concept of the ‘body check in’ from Bari Tessler’s book The Art of Money. These days of course, nervous system regulation and somatic work is just BAU for me.  

    Her podcast, like her book, embodies her gentle approach to personal finance. She’s a financial therapist, and the practices and rituals and stories she shares are so compassionate. No matter where you are on your financial journey, you will feel welcomed and safe.

    Get Paid

    We’ve all seen the gurus touting how much they make online and how you can too.

    Claire Pelletreau digs into the back end, interviewing online entrepreneurs about money and mindset. Lots of real numbers and a real, honest look at how people make money online today.

    Hello Seven

    I first heard Rachel Rodgers on the Get Paid podcast (as far as I can remember) and followed her off and on for a bit. I remember my mind exploding a bit when she and Emma Pattee (a name you might remember from the old PF blog days) teamed up on something – worlds colliding!

    Her belief that we should all be millionaires is everything and her podcast is full of motivation and coaching, strategies and systems to support you on that mission. Plus, being a member of The Club has helped me level up in so many ways.

    LITerally

    I really don’t know how I first came across business coach Lacey Sites, but I’ve been following her for a few years now. I love her framework (Mindset, Strategy, Execution), and her innovative podcast that gives you an intimate look at a 1:1 coaching relationship.

  • Stop looking for the silver bullet – the answers are already within

     

    Maybe you want to make more money. You’ve followed the gurus, bought the courses, done the work to uplevel your career or business.

    Maybe you want to do a better job of this whole parenting thing. It’s a constant struggle, battling with your past, as your kids and partner constantly trigger you from minute to minute.

    Maybe you want a better relationship. You’ve listened to podcasts and read blogs, tried a million techniques, but nothing sticks. Maybe things change for a few days, but it never lasts.

    You’ve been searching high and low for the strategies and tactics that are finally gonna make a difference. But at some point, it’s time to change tack. Call it quits. You’re exhausted. It’s all the same stuff, regurgitated info over and over in different guises.

    The truth? Success in whatever you are seeking isn’t found outside of you. 

    Beyond a certain point, the real solution lies within

    What you need is already inside you. 

    All the tactics in the world won’t do much until you sort out your inner stuff.

    The deeper work is the real work. 

    Your brain is used to dealing with people/conflict/setbacks in a certain way. It goes back to what it knows when thrown into those situations, even if those techniques aren’t necessarily helpful.

    The brain is a funny thing, resisting change with all its might. It falls back on what feels safe, and what it knows. Back into well worn patterns, comfortably trodden ground. Autopilot is so powerful. Like when you move house and find yourself taking the route to your old place after work, even though your new place is in the other direction. When you reach to adjust your glasses instinctively, even though you’ve got your contacts in. When you find yourself pulling your hairbrush through empty air, because you chopped most of it off just yesterday.

    It takes time to learn to gravitate towards new actions. To build that muscle memory (remember, the brain is a muscle!) and develop different reactions, physical or otherwise.

    You are more powerful than you know

    I feel as though there’s a tension in this space. For all the empowering talk about creating our own reality, there are so many outside factors – systemic, societal, physical – that shape our reality. Like it or not, there are some things we just can’t control.

    If we can’t control these external elements and we can’t control other people, what’s left?

    Only ourselves. Therapy and coaching will always focus on YOU. We can keep fighting for more equality, system change, justice, influencing bigger things beyond us. But ultimately, the only thing within your guaranteed sphere of influence is you.

    That might feel small. Depressing. But actually, going deeper and committing carries immense power. It changes everything. How you think. How you feel. Then, subsequently, what you do and how you do it.

    It’s hard to articulate and pin down. What they say, though, is true. How you show up makes all the difference. Your energy is palpable, and shifting your energy genuinely does influence the results you get back once you start taking action.

    And it starts within you.