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Browsing category: Uncategorized

  • January 10, 2023

    I don’t care what you do with your money. But you should

    how to find your own money groove

     

    I don’t care what you do with your money.

    Doesn’t really bother me.

    There are very few – if any – hard and fast rules.

    Despite what the Twitter bros and their pithy viral tweets might preach…You are your own best steward.

    No one else cares more about your money than you.

    I’d rather you learn to trust yourself.

    Find your own groove.

    Do what’s right for you.

    Because one of the most important skills we can develop (and will forever be practicing and evolving) is discernment.

    Learning to discern what will work for you, not blindly copying others.

    Listening to mentors and taking on board their input – but not necessarily following everything to the letter.

    Honouring your instincts, which so many of us have learned to suppress. (This doesn’t mean giving in to fear and self sabotage but again – discerning the difference between fear of expansion / risk,,, and the nudges that are guiding you away from something that isn’t for you).

    Self trust is a huge ingredient for success, and the more you practice it, the sharper your instincts get.

    (PS: this week only, you can grab Money Groove PLUS a bunch of other financial resources as part of this bundle)

  • December 13, 2022

    The power of the pause

    the power of the pause

    A shout out today to the humble pause. That extra beat, that intake of breath.

    It saves me as a parent, over and over.

    When I pause and respond rather than instantly react, I’m less likely to snap or yell or lose it. Also, pro tip I heard on a podcast: get down to their level. When you’re towering over them it’s easy to give in to that temptation to assert your authority. Much harder to shout when you’re down at their eye level.

    Likewise, I can navigate frustrating situations with other people or at work with more calm and grace when I first pause. Then choose a more charitable interpretation (the most generous one). It’s almost always incompetence, never malice.

    And of course, it’s a great thing when it comes to money. Pausing to ask if you really want to spend on that thing. Is that the best use of your money? And pausing in negotiations.

    Lord know I’ve been through so many mental gymnastics, pricing myself up and down and spinning in circles.

    I’ve learned to just lean into whatever number feels right. My body guides me. I’ve doubled my rates in a quote and they didn’t hesitate. I’ve had someone misunderstand my tiered proposal and interpret it at a higher figure, which she still thought was a good deal.

    Going through life more consciously has changed everything.

    Learning to be more present. To self regulate. To actually feel and process emotions. To choose more deliberately and strategically.

    And yet … conversely … in a way, so has surrendering to the potential of the subconscious.

    Learning to step back. Detach. Surrender. Let in inspiration.

    It’s a balancing act – raising consciousness while also stepping back from it.

    But what they both have in common is slowing down.

    Pausing.

    Stepping away from the reactive instinct.

    Pausing, breathing, being.

    Something to help carry you through the holiday season. <3

  • November 28, 2022

    When you feel better, you do better

    feel better, do better

    Everything is about how you feel. As the Maya Angelou quote goes, people may forget what you said, but never how you made them feel.

    How you feel influences how you do anything. EVERYTHING. It impacts how you show up. Feeds into what you do and how you do it.

    To some extent, it’s true: what you put out comes back.

    Hey, I’m not into the ‘good vibes only’ vibe. Denying emotions does not work. Toxic positivity – no thanks.

    But I do think it’s important to do ourselves a favour and limit wallowing and spiralling, and do our best to shift out of that mode before it goes too far.

    When you feel better, you do better. Full stop.

    In money and life.

    You think more clearly, quickly, confidently (that’s gold when you’re in the hot seat for a job interview).

    Stuff flows out of you, just pours forth from your fingertips and tongue. You write and speak in full flow – it almost bypasses your conscious brain. Like you’re a conduit, channelling some deeper spring of brilliance.

    You make better, more aligned decisions without agonising for weeks, going back and forth second-guessing yourself.

    And you can’t get into that beautiful flow state unless you’re feeling good.

    The form you have selected does not exist.

  • November 16, 2022

    How to move past the money regrets and mistakes that still haunt you

    how to banish money regrets and ghosts

     

    How much of our bandwidth, time, and energy is spent looking over our shoulders? Reliving the past? Beating ourselves up?

    Regret that you didn’t negotiate for more; regret for the money spent on stuff you no longer have; regret for the money you wasted on ungrateful exes/friends/family.

    As hard as these regrets are to live with sometimes, there’s only one way forward: Accepting, learning, and moving forward.

    In Money Groove, facing past regrets and mistakes is the central tenet of the first module. To clear the cobwebs and move forward, we first go back and clean up the past.

    The process isn’t instant. It doesn’t happen overnight. We move through at our own pace.

    But when you’re ready, it’s so freeing to realise that you are so much more than your past.

    Every moment spent dwelling on old scars and all you’ve done wrong is a moment that could be better spent doing something to propel your financial life forward. When you’re stuck in the past, you can’t appreciate the present or make moves toward the future.

    Life is not a straight line. Your financial life is not a straight line. There will be setbacks – that is just reality for most of us. Many will be beyond your control. Things rarely, if ever, go exactly according to plan. Each of us has to accept this and learn to course correct as we go.

    You can start writing yourself a different story. Rising above your past. Choosing not to let your mistakes define you forever. While you can’t alter what happened, you can change your future trajectory. 

  • October 31, 2022

    Financial fear – the struggle is real, but there’s a solution

    how to conquer financial fears forever

     

    I once heard Brooke Castillo state on a podcast episode that one reason for her success is her willingness to face unpleasant emotions. To feel any feeling.

    My immediate reaction was something like What? What a load of BS. Seriously?!

    But I couldn’t stop thinking about that statement. And over the next few days I just started to observe myself more. How I dealt with things. How I coped. How I reacted.

    And, well, I discovered that I did not in fact want to feel anything uncomfortable. I actively avoided it. I ran from them, instead of running at them and facing them head on. I wanted to do anything but front up.

    Embracing discomfort is not something that comes naturally to the human mind. One place this shows up a lot for me is fear.

    Financial fear is a big one. Living in a state of constant tension and low-level panic SUCKS and takes a toll. Fear of losing an income source, of some financial disaster striking, of the unknown in general… Feeling afraid about money on the regular is no fun.

    That’s why dissecting and combating fears is part of the last module (Fuel the Future) in my course, Money Groove.

    Some people don’t like to imagine the worst-case scenario, but I’m the kind who needs to confront my worst fears rather than hide from them. Naming and voicing them has a magical shrinking power. Out in the cleansing light of day, they lose their shadowy strength.

    This is true for most fears, I’ve found. When we do, then we can start to ask questions like “Has it happened before? What are the odds of it happening? What would I do then?”

    In lots of cases, the catastrophes we’ve conjured up in our lizard brains are over-exaggerated. They’ve never occurred. Nor are they likely to. Sure, anything CAN happen. But that doesn’t mean they will.

    And yes, it’s good to prepare. To have contingency plans.

    And then, we need to release. To let go. To relax.

    Our hypotheses are often way off. We can’t predict things. We’re wired to focus on the negatives. To anticipate risks. To stay wary, watchful, on guard. Which doesn’t necessarily serve us well in today’s world when danger is less mortal and more perceived; less about tigers and tsunamis out there and more about the spinning out inside our heads.

    We have to recognise we’ve done all we can, and trust. Otherwise, all the fun quickly drains out of life.

     

     

  • October 3, 2022

    7 reflections on parenthood (four years in – where has the time gone?!)

    7 reflections on parenting

     

    It’s been quite awhile since I wrote about anything parenting-related.

    That’s not to say I have nothing to say!

    It’s just been… overwhelming at times.

    Here are my latest reflections/lessons.

    On boundaries

    There’s a bit of a parallel here. I’m learning boundaries with my kid, just as I need them in my own life in general.

    It’s a little bit easier with a toddler, to be honest. I know we need them for safety, for example. With adults, it’s for the sake of sanity – which is easy to discount/dismiss. As a chronic overgiver/overfunctioner, learning to say no to people of any age is an ongoing journey. It’s a trip.

    On learning who I am

    Just like money makes you more of who you already are, I think parenting intensifies your personality traits. I’m clearer than ever on who I am. Sometimes I don’t recognise myself in my worst moments. Sometimes I’m blown away by how well I hold up.

    On patience

    There is no shortage of patience required in parenting. With the repetitive questions. With repeatedly setting limits. With often saying no.

    I default to calm whenever I can, take a breath, seek to understand the underlying cause of behaviour first.

    I try to be playful and give choices at every step.

    But wow, this is a challenging age.

    On tuning in and trusting my intuition

    When something is wrong, I know it.

    I have become somewhat sceptical of many doctors. I am a huge believer in private health insurance. I’ve had so much better luck being taken seriously and getting help from specialists. I’m sad that if I didn’t have the money, it might not have happened.

    And paired with that, I’ve always tackled experiments with a pretty robust test and learn mentality – without close tracking and monitoring, I would never have identified the trigger foods behind Spud’s issues.

    On letting go and the nature of impermanence

    You cannot control other human beings. Accepting this is essential.

    Nothing lasts forever. The good. The bad. Things always change. Everything is a phase. Just go with it.

    And this goes along with letting go of the need for perfection. I can improvise. Trusting I can come up with bedtime stories about all sorts of random things on request. They’re not very imaginative, I grant you. Usually I wind up weaving a safety lesson (the climax is often a car having an accident … don’t ask) or one about eating healthy (trying new foods). Whatever. It doesn’t have to be amazing. I can make it up on the fly.

    On hanging in there despite the discomfort

    Perseverance. And lots of repetition.

    Applies to everything. Offering different/new foods. Toilet training. Bike riding. And of course, desired behaviours.

    Getting uncomfortable being uncomfortable. The toddler years are TRYING. They’ve shaken the self-trust I’d built. The doubts are bigger and louder, I’m triggered multiple times a day, and ashamed of how reactive I am.

    The tantrums/meltdowns are not easy to hold space for, especially as emotions were not generally acknowledged in my childhood.

    I struggle to straddle the line between validating and holding space, and feeding too much into things and letting them go too long. Knowing when to skilfully redirect, vs just distracting as a band-aid.

    On being a role model

    I haaaaated being told I had to set a good example for my little brother. And now the stakes are even higher. I am so not perfect. But I’m hoping I’m doing okay, that I am repairing my wrongs, and that I can reparent myself along the way.

    Parenting ain’t easy. But I suppose I can say it is absolutely fulfilling. I can absolutely imagine a parallel child-free life. But I chose this one and overall, I’m glad I did – despite all the challenges.

  • September 8, 2022

    Feeling guilty? Channel it into productive action instead

    HOW TO TURN GUILT INTO MORE PRODUCTIVE ACTION

     

    Something I often struggle with is guilt. Feeling guilty that I’m objectively much better off than most of the population on earth. For all the privileges I have been endowed and all I have now – especially after the past few years. And then… feeling guilty on the flipside for wanting even more. For still aspiring to bigger and better. Dreaming, desiring.

    It’s a weird tug of war. It’s a weird middle ground. But I know I’m not alone in this. These are all totally natural feelings.

    In fact, we dive into guilt a few times in Money Groove – guilt over spending (even when you can totally afford it, and got plenty of value out of something!) and guilt over wanting more when objectively, you’re way better off than so many others in the world and yet you still desire more. These aren’t things we can just sweep under the rug or brush away. They’ll just keep on popping up and coming back.

    Here’s what I DO know. Here’s what I have to remind myself of, over and over again.

    It does nobody else any good for me to struggle. There’s no upside or benefit or prize to not having what I want, to playing martyr.

    It’s not a zero sum game. How poorly or well I do doesn’t change anything for anyone else.

    If you aren’t making enough to live well … worrying about making ends meet … how can you possibly ever achieve your full potential? Particularly when inflation continues to balloon and push up the prices of EVERYTHING constantly?

    In taking care of myself first and flourishing, I can then turn around and help others. Simply: when you have enough to take care of your own needs, you can look to help to solve those bigger problems. But you gotta handle things at home first.

    Take that guilt and turn it into fuel and momentum instead.

  • August 25, 2022

    Why having more damn fun right now might be the key to getting what you want

    more fun = more successIf you don’t believe in your abilities and aren’t totally sold…

    If you don’t feel whole in yourself, if you feel empty and slightly desperate…

    If you don’t have confidence in yourself, love yourself, and love your unique flavour of brilliance…

    If you wouldn’t buy what you’re offering…

    How can you expect others to? How can you expect anyone else to buy in? To hire you? Embrace you?

    If you don’t feel good and grounded and convinced and strong in yourself, that is going to shine through, no matter how thick you layer up the mask and how hard you try to hide it.

    Coming into something from a state of flow, fun, and ease changes all the energy around it. It infuses your actions and that’s something other people can feel.

    It changes the energy and conviction with which you show up. Spurs you to act. Those actions then inevitably tend to deliver better results, encouraging you to keep going and doing more.

    So what’s powering your actions? What’s the underlying drive and vibe behind them?

    Taking care of yourself, indulging and enjoying yourself isn’t frivolous. Do things that fill up your cup and your heart. Think of it as a way of putting on your own oxygen mask first. It is truly a worthwhile investment.

    If you can’t enjoy it along the way, appreciating what you have now – what makes you think you will if you ever get what you’re striving for?

    It’s hard to imagine something you have never had before. You can, however, imagine how it would feel to have it. How you’d act, think, feel, be. What you would do to celebrate. So much so that when the time finally does come, when it rolls around, it’s gonna feel somewhat like a familiar memory. Turns out our brains are pretty simple in that regard. They don’t really know what’s real and what’s imagined. Time doesn’t really exist.

    People talk about the importance of prioritising pleasure/joy/fun. Honestly… all those words are pretty triggering for me and I’m working through that for myself. I’m going with fun as it feels the least loaded. The concepts seem so frivolous and there are decades of conditioning around this to deconstruct. Not helped at all by becoming a parent, I must say. The push to start martyring ourselves, denying ourselves, stripping pleasure and enjoyment from our lives, starts even before our kids are born. But I digress…

    I believe you can’t get/have/keep what you can’t feel. Not for long, anyway. And if you gotta feel the goodness before it actually arrives and shows its face, and if that actually helps fuel and accelerate the whole process… why the hell not?

    If you’ve been stuck at the same level for awhile, wanting to break through to the next level… struggling and hustling, with not much to show for it … shift gears and give it a try. This just might be the missing piece of the puzzle.

     

  • August 11, 2022

    Here’s your permission slip to dream bigger (and the one question to start asking yourself today)

    start asking this question to get closer to your goals

    I used to HATE the question – what if you won the lottery?

    Ugh. What’s the point?!

    I didn’t want to dream big because I didn’t like to think about what I would never have – ironic, as this is exactly the same mentality I think underpins some people’s commitment to the ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ trope which I LOATHE with all my being.

    Heck, I even used to work on a campaign called Dare to Dream and I think it always lowkey bugged me for that reasons. Semantics, people. Language is my thing. Word choice matters.

    Anyway, if you’re the type of person who tends to round off daydreaming sessions with a wistful or even bitter, “that would be nice,” I see you. I so feel you. I am you.

    AND… I’d encourage you to try something slightly different next time.

    Ending instead with “How could I?”

    Leave that open ended question hanging. Let your brain stew and store it away and start to mull over the possibilities.

    I know my lottery dreams are fairly modest. I’d plan another RTW trip and do more travel. Buy a house in a different suburb. Beyond that…

    These really are not outrageous dreams. Although they are very difficult and expensive and seemingly impossible in NZ. Or so it feels.

    But not actually impossible. If I were to price it out roughly, just back of the napkin calculations, they’re theoretically doable. I don’t need multimillions.

    HOW, I don’t know. But even just the idea that these may be possible? It’s such a huge shift. And it feels so much better. Lighter. Expansive. Warmer.

    So. Let “How could I?” be your guide for a bit. See how that feels for you.

     

  • July 28, 2022

    2 simple ways to combat money stress and recentre yourself

    2 simple ways to combat money stress

    If you’re in a reasonably stable position but still generally fretting about savings or debt on a daily basis …  that constant low hum of money stress is exhausting.  

    I’ve learned the hard way that if all your mental energy is expended on immediate money worries and needs from day-to-day, you won’t have any left over to actually plan for the future, make good strategic decisions and focus on moving forward. If you’re anything like me, this spills over into other areas of your life like work (leading to underperforming) and relationships (leading to isolation).

    Worrying intensely about not having enough often distracts you from actually doing anything about it. Wallowing is easy; taking steps to solve the problem is harder.

    Don’t let those feelings overwhelm you!

    Here are two things I try to bring it back to…

    Concrete actions

    What can you do about it right now?

    What would you do if the Terrible Thing came to pass? And then what? And what next? And after that?

    See, you’ve probably got Plans A-D right there, stepped out already.

    Within reason.

    Contingency plans are important, don’t get me wrong. But when you’re too wrapped up in concerns about what could go wrong rather than considering what could potentially go right; if you do the same things and continue the same thought patterns – you’ll find yourself spinning your wheels and going nowhere.

    Fear is a constant companion to me. And rather than letting it steer, I relegate it to the backseat. In the passenger seat, I’d much rather have someone more upbeat.

    Your BEST case scenario

    What if it worked? What if this had legs? What if this were to fly?

    Think better thoughts. Ask better questions. Actively replace those gloomy visions with visions of your ideal outcome instead.

    What if it all went so right?

    A positive, future-oriented approach does wonders for your emotional state.

    And that starts with getting a handle on your fears and your thoughts.

    The thing is, our hypotheses are often way off. We can’t predict things. But we just can’t help ourselves, can we? Our brains are wired to focus on negative. Anticipate risk. Keep us on guard and safe. Which doesn’t serve us well in today’s world; a world where danger is less about mortal risk out there, and more about what we perceive inside our heads.

    And that is never truer than when it comes to money.

    But these two habits can go a long way to curbing the drama of money stress.

    (Liked this? Then you’ll probably love Money Groove, my digital course designed to guide you toward finding your own financial groove and slaying those money demons.)

     

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